I Choose To Love

Have you ever heard people say that the way to love someone is show them the love they give to you.... In other words, loved ones give love the way they want it received.. Several years ago I read the book the Languages of Love and it opened my eyes to the fact that how I respond to love is much different than the way Dusty (my husband) does... The book tells us in order to show love better is to discover our spouse's "love language" and love them they way they see love... Well, if any of you read my blogs in the beginning of the year - you would know that Dusty and I are polar opposites.... but someway in the middle of our differences we found love.....

In the beginning of this year - I embarked on a journey to fall in love with my husband again.... After 20 years of marriage - I truly believed that I hated him.... I believed that there was no way that we could stay together.... I had had it.... But divorcing and breaking up my family did not feel right to me.... I had already hired the attorney... I had already had Dusty served with papers.... I had thought I had given up... but God would not let me... I felt compelled to read The Love Dare - the book from the movie Fireproof.... I gave myself forty (40) days to love.... I think it only took me half the time... it took Dusty a longer time....

It is easy to fall back into bad habits when it comes to loving someone... Stress can bring out the worst in me... Stress comes in so many forms lately...Running a business, being a mom, and wife can be stressful... Worry is a big stress factor right now... There are things going on with my body that give me pause - knowing a surgery is something that will no longer be an option but a necessity and I hate that.... I hate not being able to do all the things I need to... I hate having to depend on someone.... and because of the this stress I have lashed out at the most important person in my life.... my husband, Dusty.... There are so many times I want to apologize and say - I am sorry.... I was wrong... But my ugly stupid pride prevents me from uttering the words that he longs to hear...

Today, I just needed to step back and realize that I am messing up.... again. I am not giving Dusty the love and attention he rightfully deserves... he's a very good man and I have been treating him so bad lately... He has been a great help around the home - especially with my back causing so much pain - he has really stepped up to the plate... And all Dusty wants is for me to see what he does and say, "Thank you".... How hard is that? Sometimes in the midst of things - I make it difficult - isn't that crazy?

Today, I have gone back to The Love Dare and my Bible... Reminding myself - how God wants me to love my husband.... I learned in the beginning of the year that when you show love... and act in love.. You are in love... So, today - I am loving Dusty... I am not going to mess it up.... not today....

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield." James 3:17