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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Love Dare Day 13


Today's love dare was for us to write down a "fight fair" list. I have to admit, I have NEVER been a fair fighter in my marriage. Over the last thirteen days, I have to say we have not gotten in a fight...Whenever the urge hits me to talk back or use my very sharp tongue to tear him down, I have refrained. The effort isn't as difficult as it once was. I have noticed that Dusty has been much more receptive to me and I think our marriage too. I think he is "happy" with the new me but also very very leery....wondering when or if, I'll lose control.....honestly I have been a walking time bomb for the last twenty years...
In my quest to be always right and always in control, Dusty has put up many walls and I know if it took twenty years for them all to go up, they all won't come tumbling down...yet... I do feel that in some of the walls surrounding Dusty, he has opened a window...not quite a door yet..but a window to feel which way the "Kelly Breeze" is blowing that day.
One thing I have really been working on is acknowledging Dusty when he has done something nice for me....I have to admit, I have been awful in the past... I saw the nice things but I was just to angry to give him the satisfaction of a simple thank you. Looking back on that, I feel shame. Shame on me for being that way... Yesterday, Dusty surprised me and filled up my car...The old Kelly would have ignored it but the new and hopefully improved Kelly called him and left a message thanking him for his kindness. Another thing, Dusty really likes to drive my car...His car is much nicer looking but the it's drinks up the gas..he used to ask me all the time if he could drive my car and I always said no that I needed it. I said this just to be mean. I didn't need the car. He never asks anymore and I know why....rejection doesn't feel good in any form. Well today, he is taking the kids to a ballgame and I offered my car....I could tell that made him happy.. Why was it so hard for me just to say yes in the past....God has put a mirror in front of my face and I just don't like what I've seen...
I love this comment for "The Love Dare", Love helps you install air bags and to set up guardrails in your relationship....
Our Fight Fair List: No Yelling/Screaming... Do not interrupt each other...Let each of us complete our side of the disagreement...Do not bring up past arguments...No threatening divorce (that was my broken record), no putting the other down,no fighting in front of the kids and if we can't come up with a resolution...we wait and visit the conversation another time... This will be tough...my Irish temper can be volatile but hey....I'm learning...
Tomorrow's Love Dare is to purposely neglect an actvity I would normally do to spend quality time with him... Until then....

1 comment:

  1. You are so brutally honest. I bet Dusty is loving the new you. Keep it up. You'll be glad you did.

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