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Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Ignorance of Adoption...


When I was a really young girl...maybe 8 or 9.. there were these two boys that lived down the street from me. Both of the boys were adopted. They were birth brothers who had been in the foster care system since they were babies...their birth mother was a drug addict who would not give them up until they were about 8 years old. So these poor guys lived their first years of life not knowing where they would be the next day... the next minute for that matter. When I was much older, I learned that both of the boys had been severely abused.. as a young kid myself in those days.. I had no idea what abuse was..
I would play with these two boys almost every day. We would build forts and play hide and seek...we were friends.. We would hang out at each others houses. We had a lot of fun..until the fight... I don't remember what started the fight but one of the boys said something nasty about my parents...and my family...Well, I attacked back with something to this day..makes me sick to my stomach.. I said "Well, at least my parents loved me and did not throw me away like yours did..." That awful statement came out of my own mouth when I was nine years old.... Today, I am 43 and I am still ashamed of the child (me) who said that... Both the boys ran home and I never played with them again... About a week after the incident their adoptive mother was out walking her dogs..she walked up to me in my front yard.. In a very shaky voice she asked to talk with me.... She said, "How dare you say those things to my sons... how dare you... you are an awful awful child...and your parents must be so ashamed of you" and then she walked away.. I did not say a word.. I hung my head in shame....
Today, I am the mother of two adopted daughters. Both of my daughters did not have to face the world of foster care.. They were both adopted at birth.... Nikki my oldest daughter came home from school a couple of years ago and told me that a friend of hers said that her 'real' mom did not want her and that I was her pretend mom.... I had a major flash back to my comment so many years ago to those little boys and I tried to find the words to explain to my daughter that she was special and loved by so many... I know that God taught me a lesson I needed to learn from what happened so many years ago..
I look at my beautiful girls everyday and thank God for blessing me with motherhood. My daughters will run across people who are ignorant about adoption and the major love it entails from the birth mother who made the decision to give her baby away to parents that adopted them and how their worlds came together to love a child...unconditionally....

5 comments:

  1. Amazing how God was preparing you even at the tender age of 9, for that which He would call you to in the future.

    I too had been haunted for 25 years for something that I had done to hurt someone in high school...she was taunted and teased every day...and instead of sticking up for her one day...I joined in...I prayed my whole life that God would cross our paths so that I could apologize...and guess what? THIS year...HE DID JUST THAT....after 25 years I had the gift of finding her, writing to her and begging her forgiveness...she wrote me back...and humbly forgave me...it was one of the greatest blessings of my life.

    I hope that one day you will find PEACE in your heart for that awful moment in your childhood Kelly...and I thank you for sharing your story...for it helps us all to understand the love and sometimes pain that comes with adoption.

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  2. Just read what your friend Judy wrote you and am reminded of how we recently reconnected! God led us to cross paths again and gave me the chance to apologize to you and you also humbly forgave me!! It is amazing how God works and uses us!! I am so blessed by your blogs and your gift of writing!! Your girls are so blessed! Thank you Kelly!

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  3. Thank you Judy and Janice...you both are incredible blessings.

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  4. Oh Kelly, what an awesome reminder your story is to all of us (because we all have a story of our words working against us)to watch what we say. Daniel has had some kids at school tell him that I am not his real mom & ask why his real mom didn't want him. Adults have said things to me about my boys birthmother (who I know made heartbreaking decisions about what was best for her children) and how uncaring she was & is. It's heartbreaking, gut-wrenching times that I don't know how anyone gets through them without God to guide them!! These are times as I struggled, often in tears, I felt God's loveing arms wrapped around me! I think we can totally change some minds about adoption through our experiences & sharing that with people as they are in our lives or cross our paths!

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  5. I have tears in my eyes! Thank you for sharing these stories, all sides. {hugs} Your daughters are beautiful!

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