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Sunday, January 3, 2010

Men and Women Are Just Different


Today I got into a disagreement with my husband - a loud disagreement... Okay loud on my side - quiet anger on his... things were said that should not have been said - again on my side... Because my husband is a man of little emotion - I sometimes find myself saying or doing things just to get some kind of reaction... A reaction to show me that yes he is listening to me... yes that he cares..... I know that I am not alone in feeling this way - men and women are just different.... Dusty and I are different - very different... God created us this way and sometimes I wonder what God was thinking... I know His plan is perfect... but some insight at times would be nice....

In many ways Dusty and I compliment each other... Dusty is an excellent provider and motivator - he makes it possible for our family to live a nice and comfortable lifestyle and he keeps me from being completely lazy... I on the other hand can put together any technical object - from computers to DVD connections - to figuring out why something is not working - this task drives Dusty insane - he doe not have the patience for these kind of things... Dusty needs someone to take care of him and I am good at that... Most times I want too... but not today. Today, I am in a lot of pain - sore back... but it is very hard for Dusty to understand the pain due to the fact that I still went grocery shopping - I still took the kids to Disneyland yesterday - I still do things that people who are in pain just don't do.... I do these things because I am a mom.... a wife.. and if I don't do it - who will? So when I was putting away the groceries today - I was so angry to see my husband sitting on the couch watching TV - not bothering to get up and help... thus the loud yelling from me... "Don't you see I am hurting?" "Why can't you just be there for me?" and so the tirade went - Dusty looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights..... I am guessing he was wondering WTF happened??

This is a perfect example of the way men and women communicate.... at least the way we don't communicate... I'm thinking - isn't it obvious that I hurt.... why isn't he jumping up to assist??? Dusty is thinking - well she went to Disneyland and grocery shopping so she must be okay and if she isn't okay - she'll ask for help.... I expected him to read my mind.... he expected me to ask for help if I needed it.... after 20 years of marriage - you would think he would learn my non-verbal communication skills.... or maybe I could just ask for help.......


9 comments:

  1. I totally understand. Whenever I ask my husband to help me with our son, somehow I end up doing all of the work and he disappears into another room or outside. Makes me want to SCREAM!!! As a matter of fact, it happened today and I did scream.

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  2. I am definitely the yeller when we fight. I just get so frustrated that I can't stop myself. I am working on it though.

    Men and women are totally different. le sigh. Can't live with em, can't live without them.

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  3. I get this except I'm the one that tends to be quiet. I avoid controversy so I just clam up.

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  4. I know what you are talking about. I expect my husband to read my mind too, and then get upset when he doesn't!

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  5. Is that what that loud yelling was all about? I wondered. I heard it clear across the country. :) LOL! So did you apologize?

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  6. some insight would REALLY be useful sometimes wouldn't it??!! it does sometimes seem like maybe God is just a big jokester!

    it's good that you see what really happened here... communication is probably one of the hardest parts of being in a relationship.

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  7. I've given up hoping that men will undoubtedly learn our language of non verbal clues or that mind reading will suddenly be given to every man alive. Thus, if I want help I ask and if I need anything I communicate my needs. This way, I am not upset because he isn't helping me and I am getting exactly what I need from him after all.

    Hang in there, we all have those days!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  8. Okay -Time for a guy to chime in.

    When my wife gets home with groceries she calls through the house and we all (kids and me) come immediately to help put them away. In the absence of the kids I would come to help her without delay.

    My question is: Do you call through the house - "I'm home and can use some help!" and Dusty ignores that, or do you expect him to help you on his own accord? Do you quietly stew in your anger in the kitchen with your back hurting and hearing the TV in the next room, knowing Dusty is ignoring your plight?

    It sounds as though you and Dusty have established gender roles. You take care of the house, he takes care of paying for things and doesn't lift a finger around the house. What a terrific bargain that is for Dusty! You have the much harder life! You work from home all day, taxi your girls back and forth, cook meals, do all the home chores. . .okay, enough.

    I grew up in a household where my parents shared household duties and that's what my wife and I have now. I'll betcha Dusty grew up in a household that had gender roles similar to what's going on in your house now. Pure speculation and no real point, just considering it as history repeating itself.

    So, what to do? Do a top-down reorganization of your responsibilities? Whatever you do, please stop using the excuse that men and women are different. Men CHOOSE to be different because they get 80% more couch time. It's a wonderful arrangement and one that's perpetuated every time wives let them get away with it.

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  9. Had to laugh out loud - in Dusty's defense - he does the laundry every weekend and if I asked him to help he would no doubt - I just want him to read my mind...
    Hi-Fi - you are completely right - Dusty grew up in a home where his mom completely took care of the home and hearth and dad traveled all over the world on business and had his dinner on the table by 6 when he was home... you nailed it my friend. Thanks for the "man" prospective....

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