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Friday, October 29, 2010

Letting Go... Backing Off...


My favorite TV show is The Gilmore Girls - I own the complete series and I have watched it so many times that a few of the DVDs now skip... The relationship dynamics between the daughter (Rory), her mom (Loreli) and her mom's mom (Emily) is so true to life - The characters want to be strong... independent women but the truth is although they are strong... smart... and independent. They are also so very vulnerable - they are so very hungry for each others love... approval.. and acceptance... But - all three of them have a difficult time giving and receiving. I believe every mom would see themselves in each of the characters on this show....

There is a season on the show where Rory starts to hang out with a wild and very spoiled group of kids from Yale - partying to all hours - her self esteem is crushed (a long story) and instead of dealing with it the right way - she and her boyfriend ( a very wealthy spoiled brat) take a yacht that does not belong to them out for a joyride..... They get caught and arrested... Then Rory drops out of Yale.. Loreli knows this is NOT her daughter Rory... Nothing Loreli says gets through... throw in two meddling grandparents - Loreli had to let go.....(the most difficult thing Loreli has ever had to do) and Loreli lost Rory.... for a while.... After many months.. many tears - Rory finds herself again... and Loreli is there with open arms to welcome her back...

There are times as moms... as parents.. When we have to back off and let our kids learn on their own.. learn from their mistakes.. It can be very difficult... Especially if you are like me a complete control freak..... I recently realized that I have been spending far too much time yelling... worrying.. freaking out on my kid and nothing was getting better.. only more stress.... more resentment.. This week I have made a decision to back off - I do not mean to back off from parenting or loving... But backing off from breathing down my kid's neck.. backing off from reminding her 10 times in 10 minutes to do her homework... to turn her paperwork in... to study for her test... I have to let her become more responsible... by letting her do it on her own....



2 comments:

  1. I'm with you on that. I think we end up hindering them from so much if we're constantly hovering over them. She has been raised on an excellent foundation and knowing that you're there for her no matter what goes a long way. You may even find it actually easier if you do. At least that is my hope in my own relationship with my daughter. A little trust goes a long way. :)

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  2. I've never seen that show, but it sounds like one I would like. I'll have to see if it can be rented.

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