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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Panic Attacks Really Suck


"What do you have to be stressed about???: This question was sarcastically asked of me yesterday by my therapist... The same therapist who threw books at me a couple of weeks ago - trying to demonstrate that I suck at saying "No".... Trying to show me that I can not catch all the books at once - so why do I believe that I can do everything in life....

I started having panic attacks about six months ago... The first one hit me hard - I was working out at the club for about 40 minutes when all of a sudden out of no where - my heart rate started to go up and I felt claustrophobic.. At first I believed I was having a heart attack.. but because my daughter was with me I did not want to scare her - I sat down with my IPad and googled signs of a heart attack and realized that what I was having was a panic attack..

The attacks started when I was getting close to taking my broker exam... An exam that I had studied hard for... an exam that I did not want to fail because that would make me a failure. I have a vivid memory of sitting for this five (5) hour exam - looking at the questions and knowing the answers but my heart started to race and all of a sudden I was in the middle of another attack... I did not want to bring attention to myself... so I sat there.. I breathed in... I breathed out... I prayed to God to calm me... and after a few minutes - the fog that blinded my vision cleared and I was able to take the test... Which I passed..... This was last May...

Now the attacks hit me when I least expect it.... I could be driving and singing to the radio... or watching Grey's Anatomy on TV.. The point is the attacks are starting to happen when I'm feeling okay... "relaxed".. not worrying... So my therapist pricks my protective "I'm really okay balloon" with this statement... "When you're relaxed is when the stress.. fears.. and other worries hit you because your mind is open and clear of other immediate things that need to be done.... So I ask you again.... "What do you have to be stressed about.. What are you fearful of?"

I think being a mom can bring on unrealistic fears... I tend to be overprotective because of my fears... What am I fearful of? I'm really not sure... My fear does not have a face.. or a precise feeling or emotion - it's just there in the background... always there... always lurking... always holding me back... holding my kids back...

I know I am not alone - but at times - I do feel lonely by letting my fears rule my world...

10 comments:

  1. I tend to let fears control my actions and I worry a lot too. I've never had a full out panic attack, but a couple of weeks ago I was in bed trying to sleep and my mind was worrying about all the things that are going on and I suddenly felt very afraid and heart going fast..I was able to calm myself down but scary. Try to remember that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). When you start to feel scared or anxious, try renouncing the feelings/spirits of fear verbally (spirits can't hear our thoughts), because they are not of God, and say the Scripture out loud. Praying for you!

    http://ramblingsmom.com

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  2. My first thought when I read your post was, "This lady needs peace, acceptance and love and the One place she can get the real thing is in Jesus." Then I read Savannah's comment. I agree and second her vote. More and more, our lives are getting out-of-control busy, noisy and cluttered. We all have to have a calm centre where we can go to slow down and focus on what is real, true and loving. Jesus is always there and ready with open arms to take us in. Blessings,
    Rosemary

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  3. thanks for stopping by, following you on GFC!

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  4. I have had panic attacks for some time now and over time I gave tried to get them under control without using my meds but sometimes I just really need them. Stress can creep on you at anytime and in that moment it is a huge deal but once you step back it won't seem so major. You can kick fear in the butt! I know this may sound silly but I treat my fear and anxiety like a balloon. I hold in my hands and then release it, I give it to God because I know He can handle it and take care of it. And you know, in that instant I feel light and I can breathe again:-) Big Hugs!!!!

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  5. Lexapro has saved my life. I hate that it took medication to keep my from spinning off the planet, but I'm grateful for normal.

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  6. I used to have panic attacks when I was younger and my mother had them all the time growing up. I hope that you can find a way to get rid of the panic attacks, they are very hard to deal with and I totally understand. Good luck with everything!

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  7. I hope things look up for you soon and you are able to find peace.
    www.rebeccabany.com

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  8. I understand your pain and situation all too well my dear!

    Found your blog through Changing Lanes.... (which I adore).... I was so excited to check out a blog of someone who has teenagers!!! I do too... So impressed with your blog!

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  9. I am sorry for your panic attacks. I had my first one the early part of this year, so I know what it can be like. Safe hugs.

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  10. Hello Kelly L,
    I am sorry about your panic attacks and hope that somehow a remedy will be found for them. I know how frightening they can be as I have had such attacks following the death of my identical twin sister. I try to keep myself extremely busy and switch my thoughts when I find that they are heading in a certain direction. It is not an easy road to travel. My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is your new Follower Judy from Jamaica!
    Judy -JUDY H-J'S THOUGHTS

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