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Friday, March 6, 2009

The Love Dare Day 5

My Love Dare for Day 4 was to contact Dusty sometime during the business of the day. Having no agenda other than asking how he was doing and if there was anything I could do for him. This was a difficult day for two reasons. The first is that Dusty was in San Diego on a business trip and he gets in "business mode". I believe he has a difficult time switching to "husband mode" and the second reason this was difficult is that he really is not nice on the phone during the work day. I am not the priority during business hours. I either get an "I'm on a conference call" or "I gotta call you back" and my all time favorite is "What's up?" in a really irritated voice.
Realizing that calling Dusty in the middle of the workday would not be thoughtful to him, I called him in the morning before he left. I got voice mail. So my second attempt to contact him I used email. This is what I sent:

Hey Dusty - How are you? Having fun in San Diego? Tried calling you at 8:00 am when I dropped the kids off. No drama this morning. Very nice.. Nikki was in a good mood and Kara as usual was more concerned with what Nikki was doing instead of herself. No tennis today. The girls both have quizzes or tests tomorrow. Is there anything going on this weekend? Any meal request? Let me know. Love you, K

This is Dusty's response:

Was working out at 8:00. I must have just missed your call because I was back in the room at 8:05. I don’t want the enchilada pie to go to waste so if you and the kids can eat some of I too will have it for dinner Friday night unless it’s gone. I leave Sunday for Sacramento but no plans for Saturday. Have a good day…Dustin Lininger Region Sales Manager

No love letters by any means. But I did reach out and I never reach out unless I need to ask something or I need something. After we get married and the "mate" is won, many of us tend to drift away from focusing on our spouse. We focus on our job, friends, problems, and our personal desires. After a while, we unintentionally begin to ignore each other.
One thing I have a difficult time wrapping my mind around is how men and women think so differently. A man can focus on one thing and forget the world. The minute Jeopardy comes on the world outside ceases to exist to Dusty. A woman on the hand can do twenty things at once and still know where her kids are and what they are doing. The Love Dare books made this comment which puts things into perceptive. Men tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean and women think and speak between the lines and get really ticked off if he doesn't get me. Sometimes, Dusty has no idea why I'm pissed and I have no idea why he just doesn't get it.... Thus the age old complaint from I believe all married couples. I used to think that God was up there just laughing his head off at us. Today, I learned one truism. God designed women to complete their men. "It is not good for man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18) Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides - the kind that can tear down our walls and to love unconditional again. I just love some of The Dare's quotes...especially this one. "The thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness." Wow, I have my work cut out for me. I'm very famous for not filtering my words...

Today's Love Dare Day #5 is Ask Dusty to tell me three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. I must do so without attacking or justifying my behavior. This is from his perspective. This is going to be a tough one for me. Until then....

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