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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Love Dare Day 6

My love dare for yesterday was to ask Dusty to tell me three things that caused him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. I must not attack him or justify my behavior. This is from his perspective only.
Well, I am really really frustrated!!!! Yesterday I asked him if he could do this exercise for me. I let him know it was for me to learn and I would not say anything negative or attack him in anyway. He gave me the leery eyed Dusty look that says "Yeah, right" I even went as far as to say, he could write it down and not say it face to face. I did tell him that it was very important to me. He said he would do it. That was yesterday early evening....before Jeopardy....Well Jeopardy came and went. The USA Today came and went. A couple of Sudukos and crossword puzzles came and went. A few phones to friends...came and went. Oh yeah, looking on Ebay for useless stuff...yep you guessed it came and went..... Writing notes to friends he hasn't seen in 30 years on facebook.....
At 9:30 last night, I again asked him to please help me out. At 9:45, he went to bed..... I put the Love Dare book on the coffee table with a pen and his cell phone on top so he would not miss it this morning.... Again...completely ignored it. Took Kara out to breakfast... played ping pong in the garage..talked to more friends... I took the kids to see a movie, hoping that when I got back home he would have done it.....Well, I am home and he is not and the book mysteriously ended up in my office closed....
I am trying very hard not to cry in frustration.... This morning in my frustration, I did not have the patience I should have with the kids. Their bickering back in forth got to be very annoying and I shouted at them. Of course, Dusty walked right in, right in the middle of my tirade... I didn't get my way... and I did exactly the opposite of what the Love Dare is teaching. I took it out in negativity....
I am upset that Dusty did not value what I needed and I can't change him, only he and God can do that. The emptiness I feel right at this moment is very overwhelming and I am glad that he isn't here because I know my vile words that I want to say might just come out... The Love Dare says that "Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude"... I wanted Dusty to complete this exercise knowing that his words would hurt...maybe he is afraid to put his true feelings out there because once said they can't be taken back.. I won't know until he lets me know. I can't read minds... I wanted to be more of value to him than Jeopardy, USA Today, Suduko, crossword puzzles, and golf... Today, I believe he just can't do it and I have to accept that.
Again a Love Dare quote : There are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage: 1. Guard the Golden Rule - Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31), 2. No double standards - Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers. 3. Honor requests -Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask. I can't say today was a failure......it was a learning experience. I learned being openly rejected and openly not worthy of time hurts. I am sorry that things have come to this. I pray that the following days will change me....
Today's Love Dare Day 6 is to choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life......I'm guessing the book expected no response from the spouse...what do you think? Until then....

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