The last two days I was to end any object of lust in my life and to forgive Dusty of things that I had not forgiven yet. The lust part is easy. There is not anything that I lust for. I am very content in that respect. I don't covet what others have nor am I interested in any other man than Dusty. I am blessed.
The forgiveness part of this is very hard. I have been holding out on forgiving Dusty for things that happened fifteen to twenty years ago. I had said I had forgiven him but many times when we argued I would bring them up... That right there shows I had not forgiven him. In the past weeks, I knew that this day would come. I don't know why I felt comfort in holding these things against Dusty...maybe if I pointed the finger at him long enough and often enough, my own failings would not stand out so much....maybe...
From this day forward, I will not bring up past mistakes. I will resolve to forgive Dusty.... I believe the only way for Dusty to forgive me for all the crap I have said and done against him (and believe me there is a lot), I need to forgive him. The only way for God to forgive me is for me to forgive others...
Isn't it funny how when you are seeking God for answers....something or someone just pops up. A week or so ago, I was thinking about how to forgive Dusty. I felt that his transgressions against me were far worse than mine against him.....Who was I kidding..... certainly not God. In Sunday school, out of the blue we started talking about Jesus' parable about the ungrateful servant. A man owed his master a great amount of money.. He went to his master and pleaded for him to forgive the debt. The master forgave the debt. Immediately following this, the same servant went to a man who owed him money. This man pleaded with him to forgive the debt. The servant did not forgive it as his master had forgiven his and had the man was thrown in jail.. The Master heard of this and became very angry that the servant he had forgiven. The master in his anger handed the servant over to the jailers.
I had expected forgiveness but I was not willing to give it... The parable put my thinking into perspective...
Today's dare is for me to pray through my wrong doings and admit them to Dusty and ask for forgiveness. This one is a hard one... To put myself out there.....Until then
Oh Kelly,
ReplyDeleteYour last several posts are SO powerful...thank you so much for exposing your own faults that WE may be inspired and healed through them...for you give us courage to do the same in our own marriages...THANK YOU!!!
Yes--the parable is powerful....Just soooooooo powerful. Jesus surely knew how to teach and get a point across to us....why are we so slow...so SLOW at learning? I guess because of the spiritual warfare we are in....
ReplyDeleteI have found that what you are saying is so true. We often deceive ourselves into thinking we have forgiven. But I do think that each time it crops up in our mind we need to re-submit it to God---giving it over to him AGAIN ...
I love this time of the year....it is such a convicting time of the year....as I reflect on Christ's great sacrifice for us and the forgiveness he grants to us...unbelieveable...his love can not be fathomed, can it!