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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Don't Believe Everything You Hear


One of my favorite things in my day is picking up my kids from school. I have a certain spot I wait. I love it when Nikki my oldest first catches my eye. We both smile at each other...She comes to me and if no one is paying attention she'll give me a hug and tell me she loves me and that she missed me... These are the memories that I will forever hold dear.. My youngest one also is very loving and it's great and super special but there's just something about my oldest almost a teenager catching my eye that lights me up inside... When we get in the car - Kara instantly starts talking about her day...who she played with...what tests and quizzes she took and aced.. and how annoying Jacob is...the boy who sits next to her in class.
Nikki and I will catch each others eyes and kind of chuckle... Kara is the entertainer in the family...always has something going on and something to say... Nikki is my thinker and my dreamer....When I was a kid - I was more like Kara- always in the middle of everything....so it's nice to have a view of the other side...
So today as Kara was telling us a story about her experiences in Chapel, I could tell something was really bothering Nikki... When Kara stopped to catch her breath, I asked Nikki what was wrong... Her eyes welled up and she said that she was afraid to tell me because she did not want to give me any more reasons to disapprove of her friends... I said, "Nikki, you know I will listen to whatever you say and if I can help I will if I can't then maybe we can talk about it"... She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said that her friend - her fellow 7th grader - her fellow 12 year old is having sex...not only is she having sex.. her grandparents took her to lunch today to talk her into having an abortion... Okay...wow...not quite know what to say with this one.....
Then I remembered when I was in 7th grade and the tales that the girls would tell each other.. I remembered one girl in particular that came to school one day bragging about her sex life....bragging that she did it all the time...of course we all believed her...we were in the 7th grade..wanting to be older more worldly....she was lying her socks off.. thank goodness. Of course, I did not realize it until we were much older and I met up with her in college and we laughed about our old Junior High Days.... how we thought we were so cool....
I sat down with Nikki and gave her a very short version of my 7th grade drama... I said chances are your friend is not telling the truth...little things she said about the grandparents taking her out to lunch to talk about an abortion...when she wasn't even pregnant... and other little red flags.. but I said it really doesn't matter if she is telling the truth or not..she is looking for attention... This poor girl's parents are non-existent... She lives with her aunt and sometimes with her grandparents...So my advise was to just show love...don't talk about her sex life..talk about the classes you have together, a book you like, American Idol, or anything else you have in common....But please don't buy into this sex thing... if it's true than her grandparents and aunt can help her...but honey you're a kid..just love her like Jesus wants you to love her..but...
If she comes to school with more tragic experiences..than you need to realize that she is definitely telling stories for the wrong kind of attention... so please don't play into that..give her positive loving twelve year old and 7th grade attention... I think you'll be happy you did and I think she will realize she likes your kind of attention better...
It is amazing to me how many flashbacks I am getting with my 7th grade daughter.. Being in junior high is tough and I would not personally repeat it for anything..but I am visiting it again through the eyes of my loved one.....

4 comments:

  1. Yes - those are tough years and I wouldn't want to repeat them either. I think you gave exactly the right advice.

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  2. Updated Urgent prayer request for Colton on my blog. You will also see a neg. comment from someone in Landrum SC and my reply. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY, andrea

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  3. Although the circumstances of being in 7th grade are DIFFICULT...the GOOD thing here is that even though Nikki was worried, distressed, anxious, and a bit afraid of you judging her friends...SHE STILL TOLD YOU WHAT WAS ON HER MIND AND IN HER HEART! Be thankful for that BLESSING Kelly...do not take that for granted...MANY moms do not have that closeness with their pre-teen daughters!
    Obviously, you have instilled in your daughter the TRUST that no matter WHAT the situation is...she can come to you....that is wonderful.

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  4. I love this story! My son takes me back in time as well, I remember all too well the trials and tribulations of being that age...it's tough!

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