Compulsive behavior is a difficult thing to correct.... I certainly believe that it is also contributed to your DNA - I truly believe it is hereditary.... I have suffered from compulsive behavior my entire life... First with smoking like a fiend.... and now eating like there's no tomorrow.... My dad was an alcoholic who thankfully was able to overcome that addiction but he still smoked and he still had an addictive personality... so do I.... It is a battle that I fight daily.... What is right behavior.... What is wrong behavior.....
My oldest daughter is having compulsive behavior difficulties... Both of her birth parents were recovering addicts.. they had been clean and sober for years prior to her conception -and to this day they continue to go to their AA/NA meetings to fight their compulsions on a daily basis...
When my daughter see what's she wants she just takes it... she does not think about the consequences.... this is a silly example but it's a perfect example. The other day, she asked me where the cake frosting was..... I asked her why... her answer was that she wanted to taste it... The frosting was in a can in the cupboard... She was not baking a cake... she just wanted to put her finger in and taste it and then leave the open can in the cupboard... she did not think .... she just wanted.... she did not think about the fact that the frosting will go bad... or the fact that she was not baking a cake... I know some of this is immaturity of a thirteen (13) year old.. but I see a lot of me in her....
Yesterday, we sat down and talked... I explained to her - that I too have difficulty controlling myself at times and I have to think to myself.. Is this behavior right? or is this behavior wrong? So as of yesterday the new rule for her to follow is - she needs to think before an action... if she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she can do the action then go ahead... but if she is not one million percent sure then she needs to ask... She will never be in trouble for asking but she will be in trouble for acting without thinking.... Is this right.... or is this wrong.... or do I know????
I think you are talking to her with the wisdom of one who is been through this. I think what you said is good.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're dealing with this now. It sounds like if she can get a grasp on it early in life it might save her some of the heartache you've been through.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff here! I'm dealing with the same thing with my 13 year old. He has his mind set on something and he goes after it - regardless if it's a need or want. We too, talked especially about temptations and controlling desires of the flesh. I gave him an example of a pretty girl. May have been a little extreme, but the enemy is crafty and teaching spiritual warfare is important especially at this age. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank God I have a few more years before I have to deal with these issues. It will take at least that long for me to figure out even SOME of it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the answer to this question especially when you bring in the DNA factor. However, putting the lid back on the can would have been nice.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that genetics does play a part in compulsive behavior. It is good that you talked to her about it. I am sure I'll be having a similar talk with my boys in a few years.
ReplyDeleteI too believe genetics plays apart. I have compulsive behavior and I am seeing it in at least one of my girls. I have to say what you are doing with asking your self "is this right or wrong behavior" is good. I have to stop myself and do that too! I always get a lot out of your posts and find a lot of them to be things I think or go through
ReplyDeleteI think that is a perfectly fair rule. She needs to know her boundaries. You're doing great!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a great day!
Sounds like great advice! It's great that you are keeping the lines of communication open.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post...and you are a wonderful mother for talking with your daughter and helping her in self-awareness by sharing your own heart with her. What a blessing.
ReplyDelete