I was listening to a lecture not too long ago about the roles of husbands and wives and one of the comments that stood out like a beacon to me was this - "You'll hear things like he is a lousy husband but he's a great dad - but in reality if he's not a great husband it is impossible for him to be a great dad."
Parents are the main role models for their children and if one or both spouses do not treat each other with love and understanding then how will their children learn? Growing up my dad was a very loud and vocal kind of person - quick to anger - quick to yell - quick to accuse - very slow to acknowledge his own mistakes if he ever did - very slow to apologize if he ever did.... My mom - I believe tried to take care of us kids without gaining the attention or wrath of my dad.... He was a fearsome man...
When my temper flares - I can hear my dad speaking through me and that is something I do not want to hear.... ever.. I do know because of my faith - I am quick to apologize and I am quick to acknowledge my mistakes but I am also very quick to yell.... I have gotten better and I am still working on it.... My husband on the other hand takes after both of his parents - he just shuts down - does not know how to communicate - I can physically see his eyes glaze over whenever a conflict arises... We both inherited not the best characteristics from our parents... and our children have a high risk of inheriting them too....
As a mother I want it all for my kids - the best of everything - spiritually, life fulfilling, and everything that is good... I want my girls to one day marry a man that lifts them up - that treasures them.. that loves them... I want my girls to believe they deserve it and in return I want my girls to know how to love with all their heart. I don't want my girls to yell or shut down- I want them to handle conflict differently - live differently...better... and they learn all that from me and their dad......
My parents never fought in front of us kids. Seriously, I can't remember any conflicts that my parents had. They always excused themselves and went out of the house and argued? (not sure what they did since I never saw/heard it)
ReplyDeleteWish I could say I do the same thing but I don't. Thing was I didn't learn how to handle our disagreements. So I'll try to talk to him, but I'm also known to yell......
I think what you want for your girls is wonderful and I have to agree I want that too for mine. I see a lot of the bad habits my parents had in me and I pray that they don't carry onto my children.
ReplyDeleteI think those are wonderful things to want for your children. Unfortunately, my dad was much like your dad. I try not to copy his example, but sometimes I do by accident. I am quick to apologize though.
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteI think we all inherit those things we wished were far removed from our parents. I too, catch myself doing the things I hated from both my mom and dad. However I find that the further I have strayed away from God the easier it is for me to pick those habits back up again. So my solution is stay near to God, work on constantly building the relationships we have and trust God in everything we do.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
I believe the opposite is true too. It's impossible to be a lousy wife and a good mother. Understand, I am not accusing you of not being a good wife, I'm just saying that sometimes it's (the woman's side) overlooked. In other words, there's a lot of good dads and lousy wives out there.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments - Oh Sew - I was addressing both moms and dads - using my temper as an example. I am truly sorry if my post sounded like I was beating up on the dads - I believe the mom has as much if not more influence over our children.
ReplyDeleteLove to you as always and thank you for always keeping it real.
Kelly
I too am quick to a hot temper... though I don't yell a lot at my children... it is adults I loose my patience with... funny that! anyhow... I am quick to apologize and tell my wee ones I am learning too... even when they see me snap at grownups...I love it when I remember to use quiet correction or use questions for correction. Now if I could control my tongue with 'stupid' adults... =) God continues to work in me... but I guess my flesh is strong! much room to grow...flesh is hard to battle esp. when you come by it naturally! =)
ReplyDeleteJust Jenn ~ Seizingmyday.com
Kelly, this is such an honest and helpful post for many of us. Thank you. I also am quick to yell lately. I pray and pray for more patience. God bless you and your family.
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