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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Sex Texting The New Party Line?


I think when a woman becomes a mom - God gives her the gift of radar/intuition....The ability to know when something just is not right.. There might not be any real and obvious signs - but there's just this feeling we get... A feeling in the pit of our stomach that something just isn't right....

My daughter had befriended a girl a couple of years ago at school... When I met this girl there was something about her that just rang wrong - red flags were popping out all over her - as time went on - my dislike grew larger... The girls did not see each other outside of school so I did not forbid my kid from being her friend - As hard it is for me - I had to allow my kid to learn from her choices in friends.. If I protected her and sheltered her then - how would she learn? Backing off and watching from a distance is something very hard for me to do... My very high "A" personality trait makes me want to take over.. take charge.. protect at all cost...

Yesterday I noticed that my kid was texting a lot more than usual.. I would walk by her and ask who she was talking so much with and she said the girl I don't like.. Out of curiosity, I asked her what they were talking about and she said they were talking about movies, music, and clothes.. I said okay and walked away... As the day progressed my kid had her cell with her every where she went and this is NOT usual behavior. After the newness of the cell phone wore off- she would go days without it and all of a sudden it was her life line? The first feeling of something wasn't right started to hit me... but I let it go....

Last night as I was going to bed - I just got a feeling - a little voice in my head telling me that I needed to find out what was going on with all the texting.... So I went into my kid's room and took her cell... (Now for those you that may read this - I do NOT see this as invasion of privacy - she is 13 years old and I will be a parent and I will check on things if I feel something is not right...) She had deleted all the incoming texts - there were two (2) left but she did not delete her outgoing... Without going into detail - I did the right thing.... and from my daughter's responses she realized she was way over her head... In an around about way - I have to say I'm proud of her... Not for starting what she did but for realizing what she was doing was wrong...

This morning I asked my daughter who a certain boy was.... She said "how did you find out?" I told her that I had a mom's feeling... She crawled into bed with me and told me everything that happened... She told me that the girl who I don't like had hooked her up with this boy via cellphone who claimed to be a christian.. who claimed to be a "good boy" until he started asking her to do things that no child should hear.... Yep, my kid was introduced to the world of sex texting by the girl I do not like.... My daughter shared how she felt awful and how her stomach started to hurt... She said that she asked him to stop texting her.. I did see those texts... My kid learned a huge lesson..... My child cried.... she said this is not what she wanted but she did not know that until it happened.. I thought that was a very wise statement...

I did not punish her for the type of texting she got herself into - I believe she is punishing herself enough - but I did take her cell phone away for a week.. One of the rules with the cell phone was no calls or texting with boys... She's 13 and she is NOT allowed to date and she broke a rule.... I remember when I was her age and there were party lines. (the 70/80's version of texting) We would accidentally on purpose hit a party line when a phone had a busy signal - that is where we would meet boys... I remember yelling through the beep beep beep - and my parents heard me in the other room... I broke the rules - I too was not allowed to talk to boys and my phone was taken away..... hmmm
As I have stated before -

I HAVE BECOME MY MOTHER!

13 comments:

  1. I see nothing wrong with checking your daughter's cell phone (or checking her room, going through drawers, etc.) Like I told my kids, this family is NOT a democracy. I put a gps on my kid's phone. She thought it was in case she lost it (she was always misplacing her phone), but if I wasn't at home and she was supposed to be, I could activate the gps and see where she was (she was always at home when I did this).

    I wanted to do the gps on my ex's phone but verizon wouldn't let me. LOL

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  2. Yes you have - and it's a good thing! I was just talking to someone today about that intuition a Mom has. It's usually right!

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  3. Kelly,

    I think you did the right thing. In today's world with technology being instant communication to everything, as parents, we need to know what is going on. No longer do they need to have their friends dropping by to get them in trouble, just what they talk about is more than enough to cause us parents to be concerned.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  4. I think you're right about a) a mother's intuition and b) your right to check her phone. I am so, so glad she stopped it on her own, that takes SUCH COURAGE! I'm going to start praying for my girls (6 & 3) *now*.

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  5. WOW!~ This hit home for me big time. Not because I have been through that (yet) however, I have two sons, one is almost 13. I just had a major break through in our home with the X-box 360 live. He was chatting with people all over the world..playing violent games all the boys his age where playing, etc...it was getting out of control. He came to me and said Mom I have to sell the X-box, it was going down a road he did not want to be sucked into. I am so happy your daughter talked to you...and yes that pit in your stomach, gosh I know it well. it is tough being a kid now. I am glad I came over here tonight, as this gives me another opportunity to talk to my son about this. He does not text...You are an awesome MOM!~

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  6. What you have become is a concerned Mother trying to guide your child. I used to come in contact with so many parents that simply didn't care and those children were begging for parameters. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl your daughter was texting is one of them. How sad!

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  7. Wow, Kelly--great post. As the mother of an 11-yr old girl (going on 21), I feel this in that "mommy spot." We've stated that she'll probably get a cell phone when she's in middle school (next year), but I've already told her that I WILL be checking her text messages. She was extremely offended at the idea, and I just explained to her that it wasn't her I didn't trust, it was the world outside our home, that doesn't necessarily share the same morals and ethics. We are parents. No one, other than us, will advocate for and protect our children like we do. You did good, Mom.

    Lori@
    www.hintonrae.wordpress.com

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  8. Kelly, believe this or not...I was just thinking about tomorrow's post and it's along the same lines of a mother's intuition. Funny how I was led to your blog home for confirmation. Thanks, Kelly!

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  9. You did the right thing!!! Use that gut feeling as often as you need to. With my oldest I use to say "do you need to tell me something" and she usually would confess.
    Sounds like you are a great mother!!

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  10. Hi Kelly, I feel sorry for your daughter's experience. She is still an innocent girl. Our world is so full of dangerous stuff these days. You got the mother instinct! That's very unique of you of attending your child's emotional and spiritual needs! Btw, I got awards for you in my blog and hope you'll like it: http://melcoleofpausa.blogspot.com/2010/03/lovely-four-awards.html

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  11. Hopping over from "A Joyful Chaos". I think you did the right thing for your daughter. If I had a child, and a gut feeling, I would check into it too.

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  12. I'm so glad you're listening and care enough to follow up on those feelings. When I was 16 the internet was brand spankin' new and "chat rooms" were the cool new things. My mom was never on the computer and didn't realize how involved I'd become with them. I was getting instant messages from all kinds of "boys" who were friendly and nice and just wanted to be my friend right? Turns out one of them was a grown man who worked in a business office (found that out after I called the number he gave me). Luckily, my mom found all those emails and began to monitor my computer much more closely, including a long period of grounding. At the time I was angry, but looking back, I'm extremely thankful she intervened. Technology has opened up all kinds of scary doors, but the fact that your daughter was willing to open up to you is really good. That says a lot about your relationship.

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  13. Help. I'm on the other end. My son is the 16 year old that was texting inappropriately to a 12 year old. He says it was by accident. He was texting both his girlfriend and this other girl. He was mortified when he realized what happened. BUT, his language was HORRIBLE and it was out there. HOW do we apologize to this girls parents?? What is an appropriate punishment? I am overwhelmed! I have told him he should never post on FB what he wouldn't want his grandmother to read.....you never know who will see it. I should have been clear that meant texting as well.

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