God, Cover My Mouth Please.......

I have come to the conclusion I have a BIG mouth.... Sometimes all the time I just start going and the next thing I know - I have been ranting for an hour... I can't stop the flow of words from coming out... I have often thought it would be great if God would reach down from Heaven and cover my mouth and say "Be Silent!"

I was having lunch with my mom the other day and as we were talking I realized that she did not lecture me when I was growing up... If I was bad - I would know it - simply by her disappointed tone and her words... Her words were short and simple. I remember hating that I disappointed her and promising myself I would do better... My dad on the other hand - would go on and on and on.... He would work himself up into a full on anger fest.. Many times the offense was something as small as putting an empty milk carton back into the refrigerator... I grew up fearing my dad - not knowing when he would explode over a little thing... He was unpredictable... and I realized - that many times in my anger - I was dad.... I lecture... I yell and my kids would tune me out... My kids don't fear me - they humored me and looking back I think know they were also losing respect for me....

A little while ago - I decided no more yelling... no more lectures. Already - I see a huge difference - not only in my kids' behavior but also in my stress level.. I have realized that my girls know what needs to be done in school - they also know right from wrong... I have let go of trying to control results... I have also loosened the apron strings a tad more.... I will continue to be involved in their studies.. their activities... And I will always be a parent - teaching right from wrong... holding them responsible for their actions.. Praising them on their accomplishments.. Loving them unconditionally... The difference now - is no more lecturing.. no more yelling..

Yesterday as we were driving home from school - my oldest asked me if I was able to see her grades on line... I replied that yes they were finally up - this is our conversation - it opened my eyes to many things...

Nicole: "Did you check to see if my grades were posted on line yet?"

Me: " Yes, they are there - you have all Cs and one D." I said very calmly..

Nicole: " Are you mad?"

Me: "No, I do know that you can do better - you are right on the border of
getting B's in 3 of the classes and the D you are less than a percent
away from a C"

Nicole: "Are you mad? I'm really sorry - I will do better."

Me: "I'm not mad. I told you I'm done with yelling and getting mad about your
grades. You are a very smart girl and if you want to raise them up you
can."

Nicole: "I'm really sorry - please don't be mad!"

Me: "I am not mad - really I'm not - do I sound mad?"

Nicole: "You sound normal but-I think I'd rather have you yelling at me because then I would know for sure you care."

Me: "I care and I know you can make it better - I know you - you like to have
good grades." (she has always had an A average)

Nicole: "Yes, I do. I'm really sorry - I will raise them to As and Bs"

This conversation really showed me that I have been putting too much importance in the results of their efforts rather than the efforts they are making... Nicole's grades have improved since the beginning of the year - she no longer has the ability to text on her cell and she has realized that the texting she had done at the beginning of the school year in class really did damage her grades - she is trying to catch up and I am proud of her efforts.... and Yes, I told her that - several times.... But I did not lecture about it.... :)

Sex Texting The New Party Line?

I think when a woman becomes a mom - God gives her the gift of radar/intuition....The ability to know when something just is not right.. There might not be any real and obvious signs - but there's just this feeling we get... A feeling in the pit of our stomach that something just isn't right....

My daughter had befriended a girl a couple of years ago at school... When I met this girl there was something about her that just rang wrong - red flags were popping out all over her - as time went on - my dislike grew larger... The girls did not see each other outside of school so I did not forbid my kid from being her friend - As hard it is for me - I had to allow my kid to learn from her choices in friends.. If I protected her and sheltered her then - how would she learn? Backing off and watching from a distance is something very hard for me to do... My very high "A" personality trait makes me want to take over.. take charge.. protect at all cost...

Yesterday I noticed that my kid was texting a lot more than usual.. I would walk by her and ask who she was talking so much with and she said the girl I don't like.. Out of curiosity, I asked her what they were talking about and she said they were talking about movies, music, and clothes.. I said okay and walked away... As the day progressed my kid had her cell with her every where she went and this is NOT usual behavior. After the newness of the cell phone wore off- she would go days without it and all of a sudden it was her life line? The first feeling of something wasn't right started to hit me... but I let it go....

Last night as I was going to bed - I just got a feeling - a little voice in my head telling me that I needed to find out what was going on with all the texting.... So I went into my kid's room and took her cell... (Now for those you that may read this - I do NOT see this as invasion of privacy - she is 13 years old and I will be a parent and I will check on things if I feel something is not right...) She had deleted all the incoming texts - there were two (2) left but she did not delete her outgoing... Without going into detail - I did the right thing.... and from my daughter's responses she realized she was way over her head... In an around about way - I have to say I'm proud of her... Not for starting what she did but for realizing what she was doing was wrong...

This morning I asked my daughter who a certain boy was.... She said "how did you find out?" I told her that I had a mom's feeling... She crawled into bed with me and told me everything that happened... She told me that the girl who I don't like had hooked her up with this boy via cellphone who claimed to be a christian.. who claimed to be a "good boy" until he started asking her to do things that no child should hear.... Yep, my kid was introduced to the world of sex texting by the girl I do not like.... My daughter shared how she felt awful and how her stomach started to hurt... She said that she asked him to stop texting her.. I did see those texts... My kid learned a huge lesson..... My child cried.... she said this is not what she wanted but she did not know that until it happened.. I thought that was a very wise statement...

I did not punish her for the type of texting she got herself into - I believe she is punishing herself enough - but I did take her cell phone away for a week.. One of the rules with the cell phone was no calls or texting with boys... She's 13 and she is NOT allowed to date and she broke a rule.... I remember when I was her age and there were party lines. (the 70/80's version of texting) We would accidentally on purpose hit a party line when a phone had a busy signal - that is where we would meet boys... I remember yelling through the beep beep beep - and my parents heard me in the other room... I broke the rules - I too was not allowed to talk to boys and my phone was taken away..... hmmm
As I have stated before -

I HAVE BECOME MY MOTHER!

Don't Text And Drive

One of my biggest pet peeves is people texting on their cellphones.... while driving... The other day, I honked my horn at the driver in front of me to move after the light had turned green... I waited at least 10 seconds - seriously... I'm not that rude.... okay, maybe I am.. People should not text while they are driving.....

The smart people at Virginia Tech Transportation Institute has confirmed that texting while driving increases the chance of getting into an accident by about 2000 Percent... no really? Drivers are 23 times more likely to crash if they are texting.. so the study claims..

On July 31 in New York, a tow truck driver crashed into a car, then crashed through a fence, side swiped a house, and then crashed into a swimming pool while he was texting... How fast was the moron going, I wonder? He was talking on one phone and texting on a different phone.... what was he driving with his feet? Thankfully the 68 year old woman he crashed into suffered minor head injuries and did not die.. What was the guy thinking?

There is just something about texting that people are fascinated with - it's funny how I can call my kid on her cell and she won't answer - but if I text her.. immediately I get response - same with the husband, my sister.... several friends..... There's just something about it and that's okay.. Just DON'T TEXT WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING.... Please.. see I am nice....

The Scream Heard Around The World

Today is Nikki's 13th birthday and what a day we have had!!! We started our day by going to church.. Nikki's youth pastor took over today's sermon and I had to laugh out loud - the guy is really funny. Having received his Master's in Christian Apologetics - the guy knows his stuff. He talked about doubt. The different kinds of common doubts we have as followers of Christ... I was impressed. (I'll talk all about that in another post)
After church we came home and Dusty hid Nikki's new cell phone -( this is a big deal - for information why this is a big deal read my previous blogs about her and the the cell phone) behind her fish bowl in her room.. Dusty asked her to go up to her room to get a notebook and I called her on her new phone... all of a sudden the screaming starts hers..... and then her little sister (who thinks what's my big sister's is mine). It was pretty cool watching my husband tear up.... I'm guessing I am not the only softy in the family...
After the presents we headed to Johnny Rockets for lunch and a movie. We saw Night At The Museum II (first one way better).. came home - I crashed.... (tired) and Nikki? Texting her friends what else?

I Don't Care All Your Friends Have a Cellphone!

My 13 old daughter is convinced I am The World's Meanest Mom because I refuse to get her a cell phone. It has become such a sore subject that the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention every time the word "cell" comes up. Today, we were having lunch with my mom who innocently said that Nikki (my daughter) could have her old cell phone. Of course the bionic eared one heard that and quickly launched into attack mode saying ALL her friends had one. I don't understand why she would want a cell phone. She is never on the phone at home. Then I get the eye roll. No one really talks on their phone they text each other.
Now I have a HUGE problem with texting. I can't even go to the movies without some jerk kid sitting behind me texting their friend who is sitting in front of me. Last weekend, my husband and I went to see "The Uninvited" and we missed much of this awful movie because a bunch of 13 year old girls were sitting behind us texting their friends.
Whatever happened to getting together with your friends and just hanging out and using real words like "I'll be right back" instead of punching in "brb" on your cell. Or this is a good one.... How about Laughing Out Loud for real.. and everyone hears it...instead of "LOL".
Well, I guess I am the World's Meanest Mom. I just don't buy into getting my kid a cell as a toy. When she gets her driver's license......now that's another story... Well bye for now. or in text lingo....bbl....