When my daughter turned 13 - we agreed to get her a cellphone.. There seemed to be more positive than negative when my husband and I discussed it.. Most of her friends had one... I could reach her more easily..... It would help her connect with her friends over the summer....
Well...... my kid started high school this fall.... She is going to a public school from a Christian school - she has made some new good friends and some new bad friends.... I am happy that the "bad" friends seem to have moved out of the picture for the most part...
Because she has made several new friends - she has decided it was fun to text during classes (she says "everyone is doing it"- so I guess that makes it okay???) So far in the one (1) month she has been in school - her cell has been taken away twice by her teachers.... I found this out by "accident" when she slipped up by telling me why she went to her Biology class after school... She has always maintained an A/B+ average - now she has F's and D's popping up.... It's not that the classes are out of control harder..... it's that (she admitted to this) that she is too busy texting and not paying attention in class... She does need to study and listen - her classes are college prep classes... Her biology teacher one day emailed me to sternly ask me not to text my kid during his class because I was a rude disruption!. My response was HUH? I advised him promptly that I have not texted my child and I would speak to her after school..... She admitted to lying to her teacher - she thought she would not get into trouble if she told him it was me texting....
We have tried different ways to punish her behavior - we took her phone away - only for her to sneak the SIMS card out and put it into her sister's phone.... or a phone that I had no idea we still had... She even borrowed a cell from a friend at school and forgot to give it back - it came home with her!! I have told her to put the phone in her locker (she plays on the tennis team and I need her to contact me when she is ready for pick up) and of course she said she was doing that... Only for me to find over 30 texts on her phone in the middle of ONE class!!!! This is INSANE! She has resorted to lying - sneaking - whatever it takes to text her friends... It reminds me of an alcoholic who cannot resist the temptation of that one drink....
Yesterday - I received an update to her grades - She received another "F" in her honors Spanish class -that was the last straw.... I took her phone to T-Mobile - I asked them what can they do.... I had texting completely removed from her phone and she can only call me, her dad, home, and her sister..... Needless to say she is mad... really mad - she has been in a very bad... very disrespectful mood since yesterday.... She knows why it happened.... She told me she wants a mom that didn't care what she did..... She said that she could not wait till she was 18 and living in a dorm and away from me..... I asked her - "Do you want to go to college?" Answer Yes... "Are you sure? Answer Yes... "Do you think Ds and Fs are going to get you in? Answer No.... So maybe it's not so bad to have a mom that's "In your Grill" (she advised me I'm always in her grill) about your grades???? Answer I don't know.....
What would you do? Poll at the top left corner.
Sometimes loving our kids means we have to do hard things - this is called tough love and you did the right thing!
ReplyDeleteshe needs to learn that being disrespectful will only keep the phone away even longer. good for you for going to t-mobile and getting their help in restricting your daughter's cell phone use.
ReplyDeleteWhen my older daughter was a kid, I blocked her friends numbers from even ringing in my house (this was before cell phones) and I changed her password on aol a few times too.
Kelly, you did the right thing! Nikki hasn't shown any control of herself when she's given options. I feel it's the only real thing you could do. And yes she will hate you right now, but this is the time where she needs to know that you are not her friend, but her mother that loves her despite her selfdestruction and that you won't sit by and do nothing while she is making really bad decisions. She needs to really earn her privileges back...and that won't be over night. Hang in there sis! You're doing the right thing! Love you both!
ReplyDeleteMaybe there is something you can do...my dd started school last week. They have to turn their phones off and hand them in to the basket. They get them back at lunch for lunch and then it's back in the basket until after class. Maybe you could meet with the Principal and suggest this. Just an idea that's definitely working at my daughter's school.
ReplyDeleteYou completely did the right thing. You gave her amble opportunity to prove that she could be responsible and grown-up enough to be given a more mature privilige (unfortunately, cell phones are not viewed as priviliges anymore but as a basic human right). She repeatedly showed that she was not mature enough to handle it. Consequences. Life is full of them, sooner she learns that the better.
ReplyDeleteAnd yep, as much as it sucks when we hear our kids tell us we are horrible and they want new moms, it is better to be her mom than her well-loved friend.
Thanks for checking out my blog. I LOVE this post. Great mommy-ing. I was attached to my phone age 14 up and my sisters and I had to share one! We would sneak it out in the middle of the night to call friends and not get any sleep. It was battle royale at our house for 2 years!
ReplyDeleteyou did the right thing. having a phone is a privileged, not a right. and she obviously can't control herself.
ReplyDeleteand once your poll is done, you can show her and say "see, it's what all MY friends are doing". :)
Way to go! Good for you and everything else awesome thrown your way. Way to BE A MOM!!! She'll thank you someday when she gets her college admission letter.
ReplyDelete