A couple of years ago I made it a mission to fall in love with my husband... at the time - I did not like him very much.. To be honest, I believed I truly hated him... Hate is such a strong word isn't it? He would walk into the house from a week long business trip and I became like a cat when a dog came close.. - spitting - clawing - my back straight up.. you get the picture... What did he do? you may ask. Well the answer is nothing except that he walked into the house... He came into my territory and I was pissed...
I took the Love Dare challenge.. and after 40 days - I loved him... Not because he changed... It was because I learned how to love... I changed... I chose to love him.. and when I practiced love - a whole need world opened up to me.... I saw things in a better light... I found myself enjoying my spouse of 20 plus years... I found new joy in my teenagers... I also realized that I was more tolerant when they acted badly... The key was I had to lead my heart.. not follow it... I was feeling the love and wanted to spread it out...
One thing I have learned is this - loving unconditionally - takes work... It's not something that comes naturally to me.. and I'm guessing it is not something that is easy for many others... Loving my kids - super easy... Loving my husband - not so much.... Since I took the challenge of The Love Dare a few years back - I have hit some great peaks and some very low valleys... Valleys so low that I find it hard to believe that I would ever climb out.... I have to love regardless... I have to love whether someone deserves it or not... I know that I can be very unworthy of love and I am so thankful that despite of my numerous flaws... I am loved.... by a Great Father - the definition of Agape Love...
Today is one of those days - that I have to get into His Word... My tank has been empty for quite a while now and I have to fill it up... I need to step back - look in the mirror and ask myself... Have I been loving?? Have I been worthy of love myself?? I know the answer and it is 'No"...
I am really good at "To Do Lists" - without them I would be lost... so today... this week - my personal to do list is this...
- I will pray for my husband and my kids.
- I will give undeserved love to my husband because God has given me undeserved love
- I will talk and not lecture today... tomorrow.. and the next day
- I will honor my husband and give him my full attention when we speak to each other
- I will greet my husband with a kiss...
- I will cover my mouth - bite my tongue if needed to prevent myself from saying anything negative..
- I will say and do only positive things today.. (one day at a time on this one)
YOu are an amazing and brave woman! I applaud your dedication to your marriage and your girls. So many of us forget the promises we made way back in the day...to love, honour and respect our mates. The feelings come and go and are definitely not the thing to base our actions on. Our promise, our commitment and our love (verb not noun) are what we should be basing our lives upon. God will honour you for this, and fill you with His Spirit to accomplish it. Great post.
ReplyDeleteRosemary
I think this list is good advice for all of us. We all have our moments!
ReplyDeleteGreat! Now tell that to my brother and my sister! We all three need
ReplyDeleteto end this evil deed!
I think it often gets put on the back burner for other things which seem to be more pressing. Good for you for bringing it back to the center.
ReplyDeleteMarriage isn't all flowers and perfect sunsets is it? My hubby and I took the Love Dare challenge a few years ago, too. It's such a wonderful program and really seems to work. The only problem is that marriage is similar to a house--without care it tends to fall apart. I suspect it's difficult for a good many of us. I think you're very wise and that with your attitude you will strike that balance needed in your relationship--even if it does feel like you're the only one giving at times. In the end it will be worth it! :P
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking the initiative, I hope that next week you're able to look back at this to-do list and see just how many you crossed off!
ReplyDeleteEveryday is a new day and a new chance to make a step in the right direction. Sounds like you have been working on those steps and the love dare is certainly a good start! You go girl!
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who is doing the Dare....and you said so many uplifting things I had to send this to her.
ReplyDeleteShe needed it and was glad. I'm not married. I hope to be one day. I really do hope. And I hope that when it finally happens and I finally get to the point where I say...yeah, I pretty much hate this guy....that I would have enough sense to do something about it instead of what so many, too many, people are doing and have done.
This is TRULY an inspiration that marriage...while not always pretty can be beautiful.
thank you :)
It's truly a never ending learning process and of compromise. It's not easy as we battle first with our inner selves as we make decisions. But when we fill our hearts with His love and His ways, that's the winning move! May you be strong in God's mighty power! God bless.
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