Yesterday morning as I dropped my freshman off to school - she bumped her head and said sh%$... This was the first time I had ever heard her say a real cuss word... My jaw dropped to the floor... Since she was already running late for school - I gave her a stern mom look and left... All day long I kept thinking about my daughter's new potty mouth... Words like that don't fly out without thinking unless they are said often... don't you think???
Last night - I approached her about her new found words.... Her teenage attitude flared its ugly head.. I miss my little girl that never would dream of saying those words... My little girl who saw me as the center of her universe... My little girl who was sweet and cuddly.... Now I have a teenager who rather pull out her fingernails one by one than have a conversation with me about her potty mouth.... As you know - I am constantly "In her Grill" where does that slang come from anyway????
The Talk....
Me: "Not real happy with the S word that I heard this morning- when did you start talking this way?"
Her: "All my friends talk like that. I would be weird if I did not."
Me: " You're weird if you really believe that and if all your friends truly talk like that - then you are hanging out with the wrong kids.."
Her: <= (major scowl) " I like my friends!"
Me: "You are not allowed to talk like that - it sounds awful, immature, and makes you appear to have a small vocabulary and a smaller mind - You are better than that."
Her: <= (rolling her eyes and the scowl continues) "Mom, I am a teenager and teenagers cuss- it's the mature thing to do..."
We went back and forth for quite a while.. I wish I could control this.... control what she says... What she does... I can only talk with her - try to set an example... I was told by many friends and family members that raising a teenager is tough... I had no idea... I have to believe that she does know right from wrong... I have to believe that this phase will end sooner rather than later... I have to believe..... I have to pray.... I have to let God be in control.... cuz frankly - I cannot do this on my own....
My daughter began saying the F word some time between high school and graduating university. I hated it. Eventually, after repeated conversations like the one you describe here, she wouldn't talk like that in front of me, correcting herself or catching herself in mid F. Now that she is a mother herself, she has transformed. I never hear bad language from her. It took forever for her to grow up and appreciate how others view her behaviour and speech patterns.
ReplyDeleteYou are right: there comes a point where we have to let go as mothers. Only God can change people. Mums give advice, set a good example and pray. Here's hoping your daughter doesn't take as long as mine did to turn herself around. :)
Rosemary
You know...I worried about that very thing myself, but at some point I told them that the only thing I really cared about is that they didn't take the Lord's name in vain. I didn't like the other words but....
ReplyDeleteThat was my angle and they agreed. :)
You cannot control every thing she says and does. And, if you could she would be you and not her. I think you did the right thing by talking to her about it. Perhaps you can tell her that if she doesn't want you to be "in her grill" then she will not speak that way when you can hear her. Also, try and keep perspective. There may come a time in her teenage years when you miss the times when cussing was the worst thing she did. :)
ReplyDeletetrust me I have raised 5 teenagers..youngest is 17 and the oldest is 22.
Raising teenagers is tough and most of it has to do with attitude. Ours and theirs. Nonetheless, the good news is she has a firm and solid foundation and for the next few years, she's learning to discover herself. She's a bright girl and she's going to figure it out. There's a lot of dust being kicked up right now but it will settle. Keep those prayers flowing.
ReplyDeleteYes, teenagers are very tough. The can be wonderful, amazing and infuriating in the space of 5 minutes. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by our blog and for praying for Abby.
Kelly,
ReplyDeleteI have had those talks with our kids too, and they are right, so much of it is heard while they are in school because you can't say what others say. My daughter told me about a friend of ours, whose daughter has taking up swearing like a sailor at school but keeps it from her mom. Its sad to think of her this way because her mom actually believes she is still so innocent of all these things.
Keeping the prayers going for your kids is the best method we can offer while they walk in this world and keeping an eye on their friends as well.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
I was so happy to hear from you again! This post brought back memories. Hang in, there. You are a wonderful example to your daughter and your faith is strong. She is watching you and learning from you more than you realize. Those days are ahead again of adoring you. Trust me. She is independent now, but wait.
ReplyDeleteTeenagers can really be tough. It sure is a fine line between "Did I teach them enough" to "You're grounded for the rest of your life!" Ha Ha. I think example and communicating constantly about right and wrong is the way to go. You done good!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thanks for visiting my blog - I am now YOUR newest follower!
Where have you been sister? Miss your posts at "Amazing Salvation..." Anyway, thank you for coming by and encouraging me...
ReplyDeleteThat is tough...We don't see our teenage children when they are out in places, aside our homes. Peer pressure is even strong because they hang around with their peers most of the day while at school.
Yes, we are limited...but I know that they need our prayer covering always...God sees them even if we don't...May the Lord protect your children and give them discernment. God bless you sister and protect you. Have a great weekend!
"You say, "I am allowed to do anything"--but not everything is good for you. And even though "I am allowed to do anything," I must not become a slave to anything." - 1 Corinthians 6:12
It's just a word, subsitute sugar with the same inflection and it means the same; however, it's the rest of her attitude that is the problem. Instead of saying "sorry" she is mouthing off. Not good, but it seems to be the course for parents today. I don't know what to tell you other than to not try to be her friend. You are her parent and if you choose to ground her for her recent behaviors that is your perogative.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you wisdom and words that bring life to speak over your daughter. I am not there yet and can not imagine how tough it will be.
ReplyDeleteAmy @ Missional Mama
My almost 8-year-old son has come home and asked about assorted things he's hearing on the bus already. Ack. Not looking forward to the teen years. I imagine the hardest part is the shift in attitude toward parents. :( Good luck, mama!
ReplyDelete