Be sure to check out the movie trailer for Fireproof down below.
My love dare for yesterday's Love Dare Day #3 was along with restraining myself from voicing any negative comments, I was to buy Dusty something that says, " I was thinking of you today." Well, the buying thing I found to be easy... I take pride in my "professional" shopping abilities. I am the person who starts her Christmas shopping in the summer and Black Friday is the holiday after Thanksgiving...needless to say, I am the girl from the Mervyns' commercial saying "open open" at 5:00 am. So this challenge not so tough...
So the shopping thing I had down. It was the comment Dusty made after the shopping thing that hurt.
Dusty loves the drinks Sobe Lean. Almost every day Dusty would ask me if I had a) been to the market and b) if I bought any Sobes. I hardly ever buy Sobes because I believe they are overpriced drinks at $1.69 a bottle. This challenge took me out of my "cheap zone" and sent me to Two Albertsons and One Ralphs on the pursuit of every single Sobe Lean drink that was on the shelves. It was pretty funny loading up the carts up with bottles after bottles. My kids came with me and we had a great time. When we got home, we placed all the drinks in the garage storage area in anticipation of Dusty's return home from work. All best laid plans sometimes just don't work. After several hours of Dusty being home and still not seeing my accomplishment, I told him I had something to show him. He followed me into the garage..... When he saw what I had done his first reaction was to advise me that the pina colada drinks he did not like and to return them. I was very confused with that comment because he had bought a couple of the drinks this weekend and said how much he liked them. His second comment was "Were they on sale?" in the Dusty tone of voice that I have heard so often in the past 20 years. Basically saying I was overindulgent. Of course, my feelings were hurt and I told him so. I did not yell but I let it be known that while I tried to do something nice he couldn't be appreciative . After that comment, he realized that he was being an ass and backpedalled and said that it was great and how much he loved them...blah blah blah....That was my reaction....I slipped on this dare and turned it around and made it about me...
I need to focus that this love dare is not about changing Dusty because God can only do that. It's about changing me. I will quote from "The Love Dare". You cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. But love "does not seek its own" (1 Corinthians 13:5)
So I learned something today... That being upset was selfish because I turned it around to me. This exercise is not about pleasing me. It's about changing me.
Today's Love Dare #4 is Contact Dusty sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how him how he is doing and if there is anything I could do for him. Until then....
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Love Dare Day #3
My challenge for yesterday's Love Dare Day #2 was to say nothing negative to my spouse and to do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. To be honest, it felt like a normal day. Looking back I am surprised that I had no desire to use negative words. I can't remember feeling irritated. I did notice that Dusty gave several compliments on the dinner and noticed that the house was clean.
I would love to have a real conversation with him. The kind of conversation that I would have with a good friend. The kind of conversations that we have had for most of our marriage. It seems that after 20 years of marriage the words have just run out. I would love for him to take an interest in the activities that I do but then I haven't put much effort is appreciating his interests. I have no doubt that our love for each other is still there. I also have no doubt that the poisonous words of the past have put up many walls that will be hard to tear down. Not just for Dusty but myself as well.
I'm beginning to believe that reflection is a gift that God gives us so that we can learn from what we have done in the past....good and bad... I have found myself reflecting a lot in the past few days. Things that I am proud of and things that I am ashamed of.
The Bible describes a woman whose husband and children talk about her wisdom and kindness. I'm not sure how my husband and children would describe me today.... In the book, The Love Dare it says. It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward...
My act of kindness yesterday was pretty simple. I went to the ATM after dinner to get money for Dusty. He had left his card at home and wasn't able to get money earlier. It was simple but under normal circumstances, I would not think to do that.... Well as Caleb said in Fireproof..."Welcome to the New Normal".
Today's Love Dare Day #3 is Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I've was thinking of you today." Until then
I would love to have a real conversation with him. The kind of conversation that I would have with a good friend. The kind of conversations that we have had for most of our marriage. It seems that after 20 years of marriage the words have just run out. I would love for him to take an interest in the activities that I do but then I haven't put much effort is appreciating his interests. I have no doubt that our love for each other is still there. I also have no doubt that the poisonous words of the past have put up many walls that will be hard to tear down. Not just for Dusty but myself as well.
I'm beginning to believe that reflection is a gift that God gives us so that we can learn from what we have done in the past....good and bad... I have found myself reflecting a lot in the past few days. Things that I am proud of and things that I am ashamed of.
The Bible describes a woman whose husband and children talk about her wisdom and kindness. I'm not sure how my husband and children would describe me today.... In the book, The Love Dare it says. It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward...
My act of kindness yesterday was pretty simple. I went to the ATM after dinner to get money for Dusty. He had left his card at home and wasn't able to get money earlier. It was simple but under normal circumstances, I would not think to do that.... Well as Caleb said in Fireproof..."Welcome to the New Normal".
Today's Love Dare Day #3 is Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I've was thinking of you today." Until then
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Love Dare Day #2
My challenge for yesterday's, Love Dare Day #1 was to practice patience and to say nothing negative. I am not a patient person nor do I hold my tongue wisely so as you can imagine yesterday was a challenge for me. Because I was mindful of my words, I was amazed on the amount of times, a negative thought came to mind. I can say the most hurtful things. I remembered a scene in the movie "Fireproof" when the husband character Caleb was telling his friend how he did not feel welcome in his own home and that his wife didn't show any respect. I can relate to that. Many times when Dusty walks through the door I am on instant attack mode.. How dare he come home from work. He doesn't have to say a word, I just attack for no apparent reason and then later pretend that everything is okay. The tension in our home can become so thick that everyone is on high stress alert, my kids and even the dog can feel it.
I realized yesterday that my negative words and lack of patience not only was towards Dusty but also my children. I have decided to extend this love dare to my children as well. They deserve a mom who will love them with kindness at all times. Holding my tongue with my teenager will be a challenge that I am sure most mothers of teenage girls can appreciate.
Yesterday morning was difficult during the morning rush to get to school and work. Usually I would yell at my kids to hurry up and when they did not come running down the stairs one second later, I would threaten them with the loss of a privilege. I hardly ever follow through with my threats and my daughters know that so the yelling never helps. The definition of a crazy person is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.... I am that crazy person. But yesterday, I did hold my tongue and to my amazement the world did not come to a complete stop. Everyone got to their destinations on time too!
Last night on his way home, Dusty called me from his cell to tell me that he was going to the club to workout. I was in the middle of making one of his favorite meals and my first thought was to get angry and to be honest I was irritated but I did not say a word. What a shock for me. I held my tongue from voicing the negative words that were trying to burst through my teeth. I told him to have a good workout and I'll see him when gets home. I could tell from his voice he was confused and probably wondering why I wasn't going off on one of my famous tangents. . So I delayed dinner and in reality it wasn't a big deal. Holding my tongue and letting it go wasn't so bad. Dusty came home, we ate dinner, and the evening was pretty pleasant.
Today's Love Dare is: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Until then....
I realized yesterday that my negative words and lack of patience not only was towards Dusty but also my children. I have decided to extend this love dare to my children as well. They deserve a mom who will love them with kindness at all times. Holding my tongue with my teenager will be a challenge that I am sure most mothers of teenage girls can appreciate.
Yesterday morning was difficult during the morning rush to get to school and work. Usually I would yell at my kids to hurry up and when they did not come running down the stairs one second later, I would threaten them with the loss of a privilege. I hardly ever follow through with my threats and my daughters know that so the yelling never helps. The definition of a crazy person is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.... I am that crazy person. But yesterday, I did hold my tongue and to my amazement the world did not come to a complete stop. Everyone got to their destinations on time too!
Last night on his way home, Dusty called me from his cell to tell me that he was going to the club to workout. I was in the middle of making one of his favorite meals and my first thought was to get angry and to be honest I was irritated but I did not say a word. What a shock for me. I held my tongue from voicing the negative words that were trying to burst through my teeth. I told him to have a good workout and I'll see him when gets home. I could tell from his voice he was confused and probably wondering why I wasn't going off on one of my famous tangents. . So I delayed dinner and in reality it wasn't a big deal. Holding my tongue and letting it go wasn't so bad. Dusty came home, we ate dinner, and the evening was pretty pleasant.
Today's Love Dare is: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Until then....
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Love Dare Day #1
I am starting "The Love Dare" today. This is a book that was used in the movie "Fireproof". If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend that you do. It focuses on learning how to love your spouse the way God intended us too. You will see video clips from the movie at the bottom of my blog during my "Love Dare".
I'm not doing this dare because I am on the verge of divorce. I am doing this dare to better understand Dusty (my husband) and to practice the concept of unconditional love. I've been married for 20 years and we have never been consistently happy or consistently in love. I have recently learned that love is a decision you make. Not so much the emotion you feel. Better put, the "love" feeling you get in the beginning of a relationship only lasts maybe two years. But if you make the decision to love then it can and will last a life time.
The "The Love Dare" is for FORTY days. In the bible many of the major events lasted FORTY days. Moses was in the Mount to receive the Ten Commandments for 40 days. Jesus was tempted by Satan for 40 days, and after Jesus resurrected He spent 40 days telling His disciples about the Kingdom of God. There are many more "FORTY DAY" stories but I'm sure you get the point.
So today, my dare is: Today resolve to demonstrate patience and to say NOTHING negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
That's it. Tomorrow I will let you know how it went. Hmmm, I pretty sure sarcasm would be construed as negative.... I have my work cut out for me..
I'm not doing this dare because I am on the verge of divorce. I am doing this dare to better understand Dusty (my husband) and to practice the concept of unconditional love. I've been married for 20 years and we have never been consistently happy or consistently in love. I have recently learned that love is a decision you make. Not so much the emotion you feel. Better put, the "love" feeling you get in the beginning of a relationship only lasts maybe two years. But if you make the decision to love then it can and will last a life time.
The "The Love Dare" is for FORTY days. In the bible many of the major events lasted FORTY days. Moses was in the Mount to receive the Ten Commandments for 40 days. Jesus was tempted by Satan for 40 days, and after Jesus resurrected He spent 40 days telling His disciples about the Kingdom of God. There are many more "FORTY DAY" stories but I'm sure you get the point.
So today, my dare is: Today resolve to demonstrate patience and to say NOTHING negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
That's it. Tomorrow I will let you know how it went. Hmmm, I pretty sure sarcasm would be construed as negative.... I have my work cut out for me..
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I Don't Care All Your Friends Have a Cellphone!
My 13 old daughter is convinced I am The World's Meanest Mom because I refuse to get her a cell phone. It has become such a sore subject that the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention every time the word "cell" comes up. Today, we were having lunch with my mom who innocently said that Nikki (my daughter) could have her old cell phone. Of course the bionic eared one heard that and quickly launched into attack mode saying ALL her friends had one. I don't understand why she would want a cell phone. She is never on the phone at home. Then I get the eye roll. No one really talks on their phone they text each other.
Now I have a HUGE problem with texting. I can't even go to the movies without some jerk kid sitting behind me texting their friend who is sitting in front of me. Last weekend, my husband and I went to see "The Uninvited" and we missed much of this awful movie because a bunch of 13 year old girls were sitting behind us texting their friends.
Whatever happened to getting together with your friends and just hanging out and using real words like "I'll be right back" instead of punching in "brb" on your cell. Or this is a good one.... How about Laughing Out Loud for real.. and everyone hears it...instead of "LOL".
Well, I guess I am the World's Meanest Mom. I just don't buy into getting my kid a cell as a toy. When she gets her driver's license......now that's another story... Well bye for now. or in text lingo....bbl....
Now I have a HUGE problem with texting. I can't even go to the movies without some jerk kid sitting behind me texting their friend who is sitting in front of me. Last weekend, my husband and I went to see "The Uninvited" and we missed much of this awful movie because a bunch of 13 year old girls were sitting behind us texting their friends.
Whatever happened to getting together with your friends and just hanging out and using real words like "I'll be right back" instead of punching in "brb" on your cell. Or this is a good one.... How about Laughing Out Loud for real.. and everyone hears it...instead of "LOL".
Well, I guess I am the World's Meanest Mom. I just don't buy into getting my kid a cell as a toy. When she gets her driver's license......now that's another story... Well bye for now. or in text lingo....bbl....
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