Early this morning my daughter woke me up crying in pain... She has been cursed with extremely painful monthly bills.... She took a couple of Midol and I told I was sorry she did not feel good - I can definitely understand the pain - I too suffer something awful... I told her it will take about an hour for the medication to start working..... and I kissed her on the head and headed for bed... Dusty (the husband) stayed behind and asked her if she wanted him to rub her back and she said she did...
Many years ago I was very sick and in the hospital.... I had to start dialysis and a surgeon came into my room to put a shunt into my chest for the three time weekly procedures I was going to endure.. Dusty was in the room while I was having this minor surgery... The way Dusty shows love and concern is through touch... Dusty kept trying to rub my head during the procedure... I kept asking him to stop... You see, when I go through difficult and/or painful things - I need to go into myself... It's kind of hard to explain - the best way to describe it would be I don't want to talk, feel, listen, and see... I want my eyes closed and have my mind take me somewhere else... Does that make sense? This is the way I deal... and it drives Dusty completely insane... He wants to help me... and because Dusty is a touchy feely kind of guy it's difficult for him to understand that all I want.. all I need is to be left alone.....
My kid is much like Dusty - she is toucher/feeler... When she cries she reaches out to be held... This is her comfort.. When someone is sad - she is the first one there offering her shoulder... I wish I was more like that... I am a caregiver by nature but not much of a sympathizer... I deliver what is needed in my mind... And when my kid trips down the stairs for the tenth time because she's not paying attention - I know she's not hurt - she is just more scared... or frustrated... I don't run to her assistance every time she trips... Don't misunderstand me - when there is true pain - the noise made is different and I would be there is flash... I think moms know what I am saying.. Kind of like when our children were babies - we could tell the difference between the cries... same concept... and because I don't jump up every time - my kid has accused me of not caring.... I ask are you hurt? She replies no.. and then I ask her do you think I would go to you if you were really hurt? She said Yes... So how do you figure I don't care? Well I know the answer and the answer is I am not showing her - her way of love.... I do try to be more conscious of it.. but it can be difficult when your daughter has inherited your gift of being a major klutz...
People deal with pain... sadness in many different ways - and poor husband of mine - he so much wants to give me comfort... his way..... and just does not get the fact that I really just need to be left alone...
