My Hopes and Dreams For Nikki

My oldest daughter will be 15 this week.... She is an amazing kid... I have so many hopes and dreams for her... I want her to be happy... Make good friends... Enjoy her high school and college years... Meet a decent man (way after college) who will love her unconditionally... I want her to know she is worthy of love.. worthy of hope.... worthy of God's love and intentions for her life.... I want her to know and feel great deep love and joy... I want her to have so much more than I did... I think every mom out there - always wants more for their children... We want our kids not to make the same mistakes we did... We want to protect them... We want them to learn from our mistakes... But - I have learned the hard way..... No matter what I say.... No matter how many lectures I give... No matter how many times I discipline... No matter how much "good" advise I give - She will march to her own drummer... She will make her own mistakes..... She will NOT learn from mine..... She isn't me.....

I have to trust that my girl knows right from wrong... I have to trust that she will try to make the right decisions when I am not looking... I have to believe that she will not always bow down to peer pressure... I have to let her go.... I have to accept that God is in control and stop trying to take that control from Him.... I have to let her spread her independent wings... Let her make her own mistakes but be there to comfort her... I will praise her when she succeeds and overcomes life's obstacles.... I will pray for her everyday... I will be here when she needs me... And I will be here even if she doesn't... I'm her mom and there is nothing that would keep me from loving her... Nothing that will stop me from supporting her.... I will always be her biggest fan.... Her strongest supporter.... Her personal prayer warrior...

High School Dreams......

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I went back to high school... In my dream - I was getting a second chance - a redo... Starting the 10th grade with the knowledge and wisdom I have now as a forty-four year old... I know crazy, huh? I remember thinking that this time I am going to do it right.... I woke up trying to remember my old locker combination.....

Last weekend my girls and I went to go see the movie Flipped - it is a very sweet coming of age movie - about a young girl who has a huge crush on her neighbor ( a boy her age)- the neighbor does everything he can to avoid her and then suddenly he realizes that he cares for her too... very cute. In the movie Anthony Edwards (Dr. Green - ER or if you are an old timer like me Goose from Top Gun) plays the very unhappy father to the young girl... There is a scene in the movie when he makes the comment that high school was the best time of his life....

I remember later in the day after my dream - I realized that I would never want to go back to high school... There are too many things I would miss.... mostly my girls... I cannot imagine living my life without them..... I have earned every laugh line on this face.... I have forty-four years of beautiful memories.... I have no regrets.... Every mistake and every shining moment has made me the person I am today.. A very blessed woman....

In a few weeks - my oldest will be starting her first day of high school... I am so excited to watch her grow and blossom into the woman she will become... I'm looking forward to having the "a-ha" moments with her... The "I remember when" stories of my crazy and wonderful high school days... I am looking forward to her experiencing the new found freedoms that come with high school but..... I have to admit... I miss the baby I held in my arms not too long ago....