I'm mad... I'm sad... I'm wondering why God lets awful things happen... If you have been following my blog this year - you may have seen and/or read several posts about a young girl named Haley who is fighting a rare disease called Myelodyspastic syndrome (MDS).. At first - we were looking for people willing to sign up as a bone marrow donor via Be The Match. Many people signed up and after a few months a donor was found...
In August - Haley started chemotherapy to get her body ready for the donor marrow... She received the transplant... Within a week - She was not feeling well and was advised that she had a deadly fungal infection in both of her lungs... The doctors tried to prepare the family to say their goodbyes.... All of a sudden - the idea to get donor white cells to fight the infection came up... People showed up in droves to UCLA Medical center to donate their white cells - ( a long 3 day process).... Haley's lungs were clearing up - She was taken off life support and a light at the end of the tunnel was starting to be seen... The possibility of coming home by Halloween was even discussed... until...
Haley started to feel poorly again by the beginning to middle of September... October 5th - Haley learned that the transplant did not work... By October 14th she is back in ICU in need of oxygen... Every day - getting worse... Every day Haley's mom, dad, family, and friends watch Haley go further away.. Many of Haley's friends have come by to love her.. share stories with her... two of Haley's favorite bands were even allowed to serenade her in ICU this weekend.. Such an outpouring of love... prayers... compassion... and an over powering feeling of helplessness....
I know this is not about me... I get it... But I can't help but feel so mad... I can picture in my mind -my life long friend (Haley's mom) cuddling in bed with her baby girl.. Wishing like hell she could switch places with her... I can't help but wonder where is God in this... Why does it feel that He is sitting back and just waiting to take Haley home? I hate being mad at Him... But I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't... This is not fair... This sucks.... and I want to fix it!!!!
I had a daughter that passed away shortly after she was born... Many of my friends felt very uncomfortable.. not knowing what to say... feeling helpless... trying to avoid the topic of my loss... avoiding me because they to wanted to fix it.... I would hear those little sayings that people say in a time of loss - things like... "She's in Heaven visiting with her grandparents" or my personal favorite - "Heaven is this perfect place and could not be perfect without children" Well - you know what - these sayings are crap... So if you find yourself wanting to comfort a friend with these stupid little sayings.. do everyone a favor and don't - hug them instead... or just be still....
So today, November 6 - Haley is still fighting for her life... Her family and friends by her side... Today I am Praying for God to say "YES - I will heal her body" "YES - I will give Haley's family a HUGE miracle"....
I tend to avoid saying too much in those situations, because you're right. There just is simply no way to understand or make it right.
ReplyDeleteShe is in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. I think God understands when we are angry with Him. When our kids were younger and didn't understand something because they couldn't see the big picture, they would get mad at us. We still loved them and I think God is the same with us. Praying for a miracle for Haley!
ReplyDeleteYou asked about a camera and I don't have any great advice. I wish I had a nice DSLR, but i just have a $200 camera. IF I was going to get one though, I would get a Nikon. The photo blogs I follow usually recommend them.
Good luck on picking one out!
Prayers****From the Michels Family
ReplyDeletepraying for haley, you and your whole family.
ReplyDeleteasking for the miraculous for you.
nikonsniper steve
My thoughts are with Haley and her family - and with you, too.
ReplyDeleteBelieveing with you for that miracle of life for Haley! And May God be with each one of you and carry you through even in your angry! I think it is okay to feel that.
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}}
Blessings
Kelly, I am sending you a big hug right now... and my thoughts and prayers continue to be with Haley, her family and friends.
ReplyDelete-Steph
www.pendantsbysteph.blogspot.com
My neighbors lost their 5 year old little girl on September 11 this year due to brain cancer. She died 3 an 1/2 months after her diagnosis. Her tumor affected the area of her brain that allowed her to smile and feel happiness. There were no happy moments for them to enjoy after her diagnosis. She only lived for half of the minimum time she was given. The family and especially her father is very angry with God. And your right, there is nothing anybody can say that will make them feel better. Thousands prayed for her! It's so hard to understand why so many prayed and He still said no. Some people would say that our prayers were answered,....that now she is completely healed. I am a Christian and have struggled with my own anger over this, watching what my dear friends are going through. It is not bringing them closer to God, but farther away. It's just hard to understand the good that could come from this.....I totally understand what your feeling and will pray for God to say YES to Haley!
ReplyDeletePrayers for Hayley.
ReplyDeleteI have my own issues with God, but I will definitely say a prayer for this poor girl and her family. No one should outlive their own child, and no one should claim that they have any idea why it happened when someone does. I prefer to offer my help and support when people need it, not explanations.
ReplyDelete