When I pull up to a 7-11 or gas station and see a group of teens hanging out - it really bothers me... I can't help but wonder what are they up to? What can be so exciting about hanging out in front of a convenience store at night? But then I see a teenager about my daughter's age asking a young 20 something boy if he would buy a couple of six packs for him and his friends... The 20 something wants to appear "cool" so he does and the teens jump in their cars and head to the park to get drunk....
The other day I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl from the first season... There was a scene where a father of a freshman (9th grade) girl caught his daughter in another lie -She had told him she was going to choir practice at school but in reality she was going to a high school party - a party where there were kids that she was trying to impress... She had been lying.. stealing - doing whatever it took to be noticed - Her dad told her she could not go because she was grounded from her previous antics and that she had lied again... Her response was you can't stop me and she left... Her father watched with puppy dog eyes as she left their home.. The daughter returned later in the evening -weeping - things did not go as planned and her dad with his big puppy dog eyes told her he was glad she was home and there were no consequences for her behavior...
Many parents wonder why their kids are messed up.. I believe it's because parents stopped parenting.... Parents need to be tough... They need to learn how to say "No"!! There must be boundaries. There must be rules... There must be supervision.. There must be guidance.. There MUST be LOVE.. There MUST be respect - both ways... Yes, we need to allow our kids to spread their wings.. We need to allow them to make their own mistakes... And yes, we need to allow them to grow up.. But allowing my kid to hang out at 7-11 or blatantly go against my authority - well that's not growing up... That's so far from growing up... Some parents may think that I am being unreasonable or too strict... but I have to say this....
One of the best lessons on being a parent is watching the success and failures of other parents.. The parents who were too "religious" and their kids rebel - Or the parents who was too "carefree" and their kids like beer a little too much.. Or the parents who did not have "boundaries" and their kids are blaming the parents for their failures... The life lessons go on and on... It's up to me - find a happy medium and that I believe is one of the hardest things to do...
So I will parent and I will pray that God will give me guidance - the right words and that He will cover my mouth when there are things I want to say but should not... I know I can not parent alone... I need Him... I need my husband... I need my mom... I need my sisters... Because without them - it would be much much harder.....
Kelly, so true... every word you say here. I can only hope that my parenting skills now will help my children learn to make good choices... ie, hanging out at 7-11... really? What is the joy in that? I am often firm with them and may seem like a mean mom, but I want them to understand that they will be consequences to their actions so they need to think before doing. I hope to find that balance though - between being firm/strict with being carefree and allowing them to make their own choices. I am learning everyday and I so appreciate your advice and words of wisdom. Have a great week,
ReplyDeleteSteph
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