Found - Stolen IPod.. Problem - A Classmate Has It...

Here's the scoop.... A few weeks back my 15 year old daughter Nikki had a tennis match at a rival school.. She was late getting out of her history class and in her haste to catch the bus left her purse on a bench in front of her locker in the girls' locker room... When I went to her match that afternoon - she told me what had happened... I asked her if she called the school and she had not.. She left her cell in her purse and did not think to ask someone to borrow theirs... Any hoo - I immediately called the school - they sent someone to the locker room - they found her purse and I had fifteen minutes to get it... or wait until tomorrow - No problem.. yep - so I jumped in my car - sped down the streets like a mad woman drove across town - made it with two minutes to spare... I got her purse - wallet/check.. cell phone/check... $240 IPod touch/missing!

What was there to do? Nothing really... The school informs the students that they are not responsible for lost or stolen items and that expensive electronics should not be at school... So the stolen IPod was signed off as a lesson learned... Until...

Yesterday morning - Nikki was in her math class and a classmate two (2) desks in front of her whips out an IPod.. An IPod with a very distinct crack across it's top - a missing piece of glass in a certain corner and packing tape taped across and vertical.... (Yes - although it was "newer" Nikki dropped it on our tile floors a time or two too many..) Nikki approached the girl and advised her that the IPod was hers and that it had been stolen... The girl according to Nikki was surprised that the IPod had been stolen.. She told Nikki that someone gave it to her (and to a 15 year old daughter - that seemed logical at the moment...) and the girl told Nikki that she would take it home and delete her pictures and songs and bring it back to school.... This Mama - doesn't believe it.... Sooooo

This morning I went with Nikki to the school supervisor's office and let Nikki explain the situation... Although the classmate said she would bring the IPod back today - We thought it would be wise to go on record with the school just in case there was a problem... You never know what could happen.. The supervisor had Nikki write down everything that happened and what was said... Nikki did not know the girl's name but thanks to the electronic age and the fact that the girl was Asian with her hair dyed bright orange (kind of hard to miss) - the supervisor took Nikki's description and was able to pull up the girl's name and picture with a couple of clicks on the mouse... crazy isn't it?

This is where it was left... If the classmate brings the IPod back - Nikki is to go to the supervisor and show the IPod.. If the classmate does not bring the IPod back then Nikki is to go to the supervisor and show that she had not received it.... Wonder if the IPod is a show or no show...

What Do You Think Will Happen???

Being A Parent Sucks When....

You find out that you kid has found new ways to be sneaky..

You read what your kid says about you to others...

You wake up one day and your sweet girl has turned into Lizzie Borden..

You have lost count on how many times you have taken away her cellphone.. IPod... computer...

You realize that you are yelling and she is yelling....

You realize that Respect is a 7 letter word.... and not an action...

You see your kid's skype status and reads like a rapper lyric - I'm Not a F***'n Ho...

You catch your kid in yet another lie....

You catch yourself counting the days until she's out of the house..

You pray that her grades are good enough so she can go AWAY to college...

You go to bed and can't sleep because you are so worried that you really screwed up as a parent..

Today is a bad day......

Parents Need To Parent

When I pull up to a 7-11 or gas station and see a group of teens hanging out - it really bothers me... I can't help but wonder what are they up to? What can be so exciting about hanging out in front of a convenience store at night? But then I see a teenager about my daughter's age asking a young 20 something boy if he would buy a couple of six packs for him and his friends... The 20 something wants to appear "cool" so he does and the teens jump in their cars and head to the park to get drunk....

The other day I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl from the first season... There was a scene where a father of a freshman (9th grade) girl caught his daughter in another lie -She had told him she was going to choir practice at school but in reality she was going to a high school party - a party where there were kids that she was trying to impress... She had been lying.. stealing - doing whatever it took to be noticed - Her dad told her she could not go because she was grounded from her previous antics and that she had lied again... Her response was you can't stop me and she left... Her father watched with puppy dog eyes as she left their home.. The daughter returned later in the evening -weeping - things did not go as planned and her dad with his big puppy dog eyes told her he was glad she was home and there were no consequences for her behavior...

Many parents wonder why their kids are messed up.. I believe it's because parents stopped parenting.... Parents need to be tough... They need to learn how to say "No"!! There must be boundaries. There must be rules... There must be supervision.. There must be guidance.. There MUST be LOVE.. There MUST be respect - both ways... Yes, we need to allow our kids to spread their wings.. We need to allow them to make their own mistakes... And yes, we need to allow them to grow up.. But allowing my kid to hang out at 7-11 or blatantly go against my authority - well that's not growing up... That's so far from growing up... Some parents may think that I am being unreasonable or too strict... but I have to say this....

One of the best lessons on being a parent is watching the success and failures of other parents.. The parents who were too "religious" and their kids rebel - Or the parents who was too "carefree" and their kids like beer a little too much.. Or the parents who did not have "boundaries" and their kids are blaming the parents for their failures... The life lessons go on and on... It's up to me - find a happy medium and that I believe is one of the hardest things to do...

So I will parent and I will pray that God will give me guidance - the right words and that He will cover my mouth when there are things I want to say but should not... I know I can not parent alone... I need Him... I need my husband... I need my mom... I need my sisters... Because without them - it would be much much harder.....

Sometimes You Gotta Piss Off Teach Them A Lesson

On the last day of school before Christmas vacation - I allowed my high schooler to skip her last class... The only activity in that class that day was a movie to pass the period - so I thought "why not?"

When school started up on Monday - I gave her the absence excuse letter to turn into the office... Tuesday evening comes and the school calls me advising me that my daughter was marked as truant and if her absence was not a truant to please be sure to have a signed note from the parent sent in no later than Thursday morning..... On Wednesday morning - I told her to go straight to the office and turn the note in.... I said to mark her hand to remind her.....

This morning on the way to school - I asked her if she turned the note in... And again she forgot... Soooooooo - I told her that I will walk with her to the office to turn the note in to make sure that it gets done...

Daughter: "No, Mom!!!!"

Me: "Yep - I've been telling you to turn it in since Monday."

Daughter: (I wish I could have taken her picture.. hee hee) "No, Mom - Please - I'll bring it to the office......"

Me: "No, I'm walking you to the office because next time I ask you to do something - you will remember..."

Daughter: (Gets out of car and starts walking very fast ahead of me)

Me: "Nik, if you continue to storm ahead me and show attitude with me - I will embarrass you more...."

Daughter: (She slows down)

We walk into the school office - they advise her to put the note in a box and to make sure her student ID number is on it..

Daughter: (she tosses the note in the basket)

Me: "Is your ID number on it?"

Daughter: (very loudly and disrespectfully) "I don't know, you wrote it!"

Me: "Well, they just told you to make sure your ID number is on it - so don't you think the best thing to do would be to check?"

Daughter: (smoke is coming out of her ears) "I didn't know..."

Me: (thinking "huh?" - picks up note "What is your ID number"

Daughter: (she tells me too fast... again too fast.... again I can't understand her.. Her attitude is beyond respectful and she is starting to cause a scene and many of the workers are looking at her...)

Me: "Nik, If you don't want this to happen again - be sure to turn your note in on time."

Daughter: (turns her back on me and storms out into the quad)

One of the things that I have learned about this particular daughter is that her appearance is more important than anything else to her.... And I knew that my walking with her to the office (sans make up - hair in a ponytail - and very uncool clothes) would embarrass her... It doesn't matter that no one is paying attention.... I think at this age - they assume everyone is watching them.... I have a pretty good idea that she will do her best for this to not happen again..

What have you done to Piss off teach your kid a lesson?

God, Cover My Mouth Please.......

I have come to the conclusion I have a BIG mouth.... Sometimes all the time I just start going and the next thing I know - I have been ranting for an hour... I can't stop the flow of words from coming out... I have often thought it would be great if God would reach down from Heaven and cover my mouth and say "Be Silent!"

I was having lunch with my mom the other day and as we were talking I realized that she did not lecture me when I was growing up... If I was bad - I would know it - simply by her disappointed tone and her words... Her words were short and simple. I remember hating that I disappointed her and promising myself I would do better... My dad on the other hand - would go on and on and on.... He would work himself up into a full on anger fest.. Many times the offense was something as small as putting an empty milk carton back into the refrigerator... I grew up fearing my dad - not knowing when he would explode over a little thing... He was unpredictable... and I realized - that many times in my anger - I was dad.... I lecture... I yell and my kids would tune me out... My kids don't fear me - they humored me and looking back I think know they were also losing respect for me....

A little while ago - I decided no more yelling... no more lectures. Already - I see a huge difference - not only in my kids' behavior but also in my stress level.. I have realized that my girls know what needs to be done in school - they also know right from wrong... I have let go of trying to control results... I have also loosened the apron strings a tad more.... I will continue to be involved in their studies.. their activities... And I will always be a parent - teaching right from wrong... holding them responsible for their actions.. Praising them on their accomplishments.. Loving them unconditionally... The difference now - is no more lecturing.. no more yelling..

Yesterday as we were driving home from school - my oldest asked me if I was able to see her grades on line... I replied that yes they were finally up - this is our conversation - it opened my eyes to many things...

Nicole: "Did you check to see if my grades were posted on line yet?"

Me: " Yes, they are there - you have all Cs and one D." I said very calmly..

Nicole: " Are you mad?"

Me: "No, I do know that you can do better - you are right on the border of
getting B's in 3 of the classes and the D you are less than a percent
away from a C"

Nicole: "Are you mad? I'm really sorry - I will do better."

Me: "I'm not mad. I told you I'm done with yelling and getting mad about your
grades. You are a very smart girl and if you want to raise them up you
can."

Nicole: "I'm really sorry - please don't be mad!"

Me: "I am not mad - really I'm not - do I sound mad?"

Nicole: "You sound normal but-I think I'd rather have you yelling at me because then I would know for sure you care."

Me: "I care and I know you can make it better - I know you - you like to have
good grades." (she has always had an A average)

Nicole: "Yes, I do. I'm really sorry - I will raise them to As and Bs"

This conversation really showed me that I have been putting too much importance in the results of their efforts rather than the efforts they are making... Nicole's grades have improved since the beginning of the year - she no longer has the ability to text on her cell and she has realized that the texting she had done at the beginning of the school year in class really did damage her grades - she is trying to catch up and I am proud of her efforts.... and Yes, I told her that - several times.... But I did not lecture about it.... :)

Addiction Has Many Faces

When we hear the word addiction - most of us think or assume drugs and/or alcohol.. But I believe addiction has many faces... many forms... I believe addiction is caused by a compulsive addictive personality and I also believe it can be hereditary.. Addiction of any kind is a life long battle.. I know - I have battled food addiction my entire life and I smoked for twenty-eight (28) years - I quit when I turned forty (40).... It took me about ten (10) tries before I was able to quit smoking for good... and I'm thankful that those urges to pollute my body with nicotine are gone....

When I was waiting for my oldest daughter to be born - I spent several weeks with her birth mother (Cindy). Cindy attended AA meetings several times a week. She was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for about two (2) years when we met. I was invited to attend a few meetings with Cindy - She wanted to spend time with me and to introduce me to several of her friends and her sponsor... One night - a leader in a meeting came up to me and said that - I needed to be watchful of my daughter... that she too may have inherited an "additive" personality and alcohol and drug abuse could happen... I remember thinking to myself at the time - I will raise my kid right and this would not... could not be an issue.... My dad was an alcoholic and I turned out okay, right????

Since that night over fourteen years ago - I have learned and matured... I have learned that addiction can take on many forms... and I also learned that the signs can start at a very early age... The personality of "it's never enough" is a sign... Not enough candy... not enough TV time.. not enough phone time... I want more.. and I will do whatever it takes to have it.... I have watched my daughter go through these feelings and I have watched her try to fight the urge to push the envelope of going too far - sometimes she won the battle and sometimes she did not... I also came to realize that this is exactly the feelings and battles I fought as a young child... a young teen... a young adult... and still today... Different wants but same desires...

Addiction is a battle - an everyday - I got to pay attention battle... I believe as parents we must be diligent... we must keep our eyes and ears open... Our kids' future happiness may depend on it...

The New Potty Mouth

Yesterday morning as I dropped my freshman off to school - she bumped her head and said sh%$... This was the first time I had ever heard her say a real cuss word... My jaw dropped to the floor... Since she was already running late for school - I gave her a stern mom look and left... All day long I kept thinking about my daughter's new potty mouth... Words like that don't fly out without thinking unless they are said often... don't you think???

Last night - I approached her about her new found words.... Her teenage attitude flared its ugly head.. I miss my little girl that never would dream of saying those words... My little girl who saw me as the center of her universe... My little girl who was sweet and cuddly.... Now I have a teenager who rather pull out her fingernails one by one than have a conversation with me about her potty mouth.... As you know - I am constantly "In her Grill" where does that slang come from anyway????

The Talk....

Me: "Not real happy with the S word that I heard this morning- when did you start talking this way?"

Her: "All my friends talk like that. I would be weird if I did not."

Me: " You're weird if you really believe that and if all your friends truly talk like that - then you are hanging out with the wrong kids.."

Her: <= (major scowl) " I like my friends!"

Me: "You are not allowed to talk like that - it sounds awful, immature, and makes you appear to have a small vocabulary and a smaller mind - You are better than that."

Her: <= (rolling her eyes and the scowl continues) "Mom, I am a teenager and teenagers cuss- it's the mature thing to do..."

We went back and forth for quite a while.. I wish I could control this.... control what she says... What she does... I can only talk with her - try to set an example... I was told by many friends and family members that raising a teenager is tough... I had no idea... I have to believe that she does know right from wrong... I have to believe that this phase will end sooner rather than later... I have to believe..... I have to pray.... I have to let God be in control.... cuz frankly - I cannot do this on my own....

What Would You Do?????

When my daughter turned 13 - we agreed to get her a cellphone.. There seemed to be more positive than negative when my husband and I discussed it.. Most of her friends had one... I could reach her more easily..... It would help her connect with her friends over the summer....

Well...... my kid started high school this fall.... She is going to a public school from a Christian school - she has made some new good friends and some new bad friends.... I am happy that the "bad" friends seem to have moved out of the picture for the most part...

Because she has made several new friends - she has decided it was fun to text during classes (she says "everyone is doing it"- so I guess that makes it okay???) So far in the one (1) month she has been in school - her cell has been taken away twice by her teachers.... I found this out by "accident" when she slipped up by telling me why she went to her Biology class after school... She has always maintained an A/B+ average - now she has F's and D's popping up.... It's not that the classes are out of control harder..... it's that (she admitted to this) that she is too busy texting and not paying attention in class... She does need to study and listen - her classes are college prep classes... Her biology teacher one day emailed me to sternly ask me not to text my kid during his class because I was a rude disruption!. My response was HUH? I advised him promptly that I have not texted my child and I would speak to her after school..... She admitted to lying to her teacher - she thought she would not get into trouble if she told him it was me texting....

We have tried different ways to punish her behavior - we took her phone away - only for her to sneak the SIMS card out and put it into her sister's phone.... or a phone that I had no idea we still had... She even borrowed a cell from a friend at school and forgot to give it back - it came home with her!! I have told her to put the phone in her locker (she plays on the tennis team and I need her to contact me when she is ready for pick up) and of course she said she was doing that... Only for me to find over 30 texts on her phone in the middle of ONE class!!!! This is INSANE! She has resorted to lying - sneaking - whatever it takes to text her friends... It reminds me of an alcoholic who cannot resist the temptation of that one drink....

Yesterday - I received an update to her grades - She received another "F" in her honors Spanish class -that was the last straw.... I took her phone to T-Mobile - I asked them what can they do.... I had texting completely removed from her phone and she can only call me, her dad, home, and her sister..... Needless to say she is mad... really mad - she has been in a very bad... very disrespectful mood since yesterday.... She knows why it happened.... She told me she wants a mom that didn't care what she did..... She said that she could not wait till she was 18 and living in a dorm and away from me..... I asked her - "Do you want to go to college?" Answer Yes... "Are you sure? Answer Yes... "Do you think Ds and Fs are going to get you in? Answer No.... So maybe it's not so bad to have a mom that's "In your Grill" (she advised me I'm always in her grill) about your grades???? Answer I don't know.....

What would you do? Poll at the top left corner.

My Calvin Kleins....... Your Something Else

When I was in the 10th grade designer jeans were the thing to wear.... My parents refused to spend $50 on a pair jeans just because the labels read Calvin Klein, Jordache, or Sassoon.... So we made a deal - they would pay half and I would pay half with the money I earned from babysitting...

Another big thing when I was in school was the "preppy" look or the "punk" look - Or how about Topsiders..... I had them in brown, tan, and green... Dolphin shorts were quickly leaving the arena of good taste... thank goodness.. Looking back on pictures of me and my friends - wearing our blue/white or our red/white dolphin shorts.... it makes me laugh - what were we thinking??

I miss the styles of the 80's....no, not really.... But I think the 80's was the generation where fashion was king - the music was the best ( I still love 80's music - think - The Police...., The Stones.., Michael Jackson.. The Thompson Twins... ABC... Billy Idol) It was a fun generation and I was happy to be right in the middle of it....

This weekend we went shoe shopping for back to school for my girls... The girls are at the age where they notice what others are wearing... they know what brands are popular.. and now it is vitally important to fit in.. (brings back memories of my Calvin Kleins) The teenage years are tough enough without being totally different.... So here we were at HSS (Huntington Surf Shop) where they have the latest in Huntington Beach, California teen wear.... The girls were picking out their TOMS Shoes and their Rainbows..... and my husband was trying to convince them they that he could take them to Payless and get the exact same shoes.... I could see him start to get annoyed at the high cost of shoes until...... I reminded him that when he was in high school ALL he would wear was Adidas.... (thanks mom in-law for that little tidbit)..... After that - he got it..... High school is high school... fashion is fashion - regardless of what generation you live in......

My Kid Is Becoming Me.....

I am beginning to think that I have become old.... To my thirteen daughter's horror - I have no problem going to the store sans make up... sans brushed hair - a clip holding my hair away from my face is okay for me.... and my clothes.. who cares .. I'M GOING TO THE STORE!!!!

The other day - I picked up my car keys to go to Target.. my kids of course ask if they could come.. sure I say - Nikki, (the 13 year old) runs upstairs... Nikki - I'm going now - are you coming or not.... Coming I hear.... still no Nik... Okay - I'm leaving without you - I holler and proceed to go to the garage... open the door... get in the car... and here comes Nikki - she changed from casual shorts and tee shirt to her favorite skinny jeans and a duel tank top number.... her once clean and wholesome face is now covered with make up... Her hair styled.... She gets in the car and whips out her make up mirror and continues to groom herself... I roll my eyes... she rolls them back at me......

As we were driving to Target - I start to think that my kid has become so vain... it's driving me nuts... We can't go anywhere without her dolling herself up and then I remember a conversation I had with my sister a few years back.... My sister was telling me how frustrated she used to get with me.. why you ask... because I would never leave the house without my make up on, my hair done, and I had to have the "right" clothes on...

It's crazy how my kid is becoming me...... but it makes sense because I have become my mother... the circle of life......