If You're A Mom To A Teen - You May Want To Read This

When I was in the 9th grade - I got my first kiss.. Now this kiss was anything but romantic - he was a very cute boy that I had been stalking and he was much more experienced than I.. After that first kiss - he asked me if I liked sex.... I told him I did not know - I avoided him after that... he scared me.... Now after getting that first kiss - I was on the prowl for my 2nd kiss.... In those days - 1980 - to be exact - we did not have cellphones... facebook... IPod with skype - heck, no one owned a computer. But we did have party-lines and once I discovered them - I became addicted.... I soon met high school boys that were just as immature as I was.... I soon had my 2nd kiss... at the park... I told my mom I was going to the library - I forgot my bike lock - she went to the library to give it to me but instead found me sitting on a park bench making out with a boy she had never met... I was SOO Busted... But - I continued to sneak behind my parents back - sneaking out the bedroom window to meet boys... I have to say that I am lucky... I was never attacked... hurt... molested and I did not have sex - I just kissed.. I kissed a lot... and looking back on my dangerous activities - I was very lucky.....

Today - I have a daughter that just completed her 9th grade year... She has her own cellphone - Facebook - and IPod..... She is going through the same hormones as I was and is making bad choices similar to the ones I did - the difference is she does not need to sneak out of the house - she has a cellphone and an IPod with a camera.... She is doing things right in her own bedroom! Yesterday - she got in trouble and had her phone taken away... While I had her phone - I was going to block a number of a kid that kept calling her and she was getting annoyed.. While I was looking up the number (she has a touch screen and I had no idea what I was doing) I hit a message that she sent to a boy... I could not miss the message due to it being a picture of her without her top on!!! I could instantly feel the nausea come up to my throat.... I (in front of her) started reading the several texts she was sending to not one boy but a few boys... I could bypass the bad words somewhat - she is a teen and I'm not stupid.. I wish she did not use the F word and other choice words while talking to her friends but unfortunately she and her friends think it's okay.. What I could not over-look was the extreme and graphic sex talk that she was initiating - not the boys - but HER....

I know she still has not had her first kiss and I also know that she is desperate to get it... When talking with her last night about her texting and also the inappropriate friends (that she has never met) on Facebook..... She told me that every guy she talks to wants pictures and that she likes that they think she is "hot". Needless to say the conversation was awful... There is so much that was said but the end result is - I told her I was not going to give up on her... She can hate me now - that's okay.... But if I did not do something now to protect her - she would hate me later and more likely hate herself too... As of last night - she will no longer have a cellphone that she can call her friends on - she will use it for emergencies and the only calls she can make are to family members.... everything else has been blocked

Regarding Facebook - this is something that she and I have been going back and forth on basically since she started it almost 2 years ago.... I have to say a majority of the "friends" on her Facebook are kids that are friends of friends or friends of friends of friends... She will also meet "friends" on You Tube.... Most of the "friends" are boys.... no brainer there...... and Most of those boys are graphic... nasty... vulgar.... and people she would not associate with in person.... That is one of the things that is so flipping dangerous about Facebook - Facebook opens the door for so many low-lifes to invade your daughter's bedroom.. I thought I was so smart - I had her Facebook password etc and I would check it on occasion - but I wasn't monitoring it close enough - obviously.... She was making friends and "chatting" with people that would scare her if she ever saw them face to face...

Computers, cellphones, and IPods with texting etc - are easy to hide behind and allow a teen to say and do practically anything they want - things that they most likely would not do in person.. For example - last Friday - my daughter had a small pool party with friends - a boy that she has known for a while that she flirts with on FB came - and when he walked in the door - she walked by him and barely said "hi" - she did not know what to say or how to act... She is brave behind her cell but face to face she is tongue tied and shy.... Computers etc have stunted my kid's communication skills and I have a strong suspicion that my kid is not the only that is having this problem...

So what have I done??? I have learned (the hard way) that she is not mature enough to handle a cellphone... She has many numbers of kids she does not know face to face.. The sex-texting and pictures have to stop... and did I mention that she was trying to get her first kiss last night at our neighbor's son's birthday party? Yep - he's 18.... Another thing I did - I called the boy that she sent the "sexy" picture to and left him a message that I was her mom and would like to speak to his mom... Haven't heard back yet... This is one kid that she did know and I know his family to be a very devout Mormon family.... So NO Cellphone. Next - Facebook - after really looking at her activity on Facebook - She wasn't talking to her friends here at home... She was talking - flirting - befriending boys she has NEVER met... Facebook is for actual friends - Not for stalking boys who are strangers! So last night I deleted every one on her Facebook, changed the password, and then deactivated it.... IPod - took it away - because this gives her access to all that her cellphone and Facebook/computer do.... She can use her old IPod for music...

New rules have got to be made... Stronger and more effective monitoring will have to be done.
I know that I cannot do this alone - there are so many issues that need to be addressed and healing has to start... I have a message into my therapist for a referral for my kid... I will not give up on her!!!!

Has any of you gone through this - If so - HELP

I'm Getting My Kid A Cellphone

A while back I told everyone that I refused to get my daughter a cell phone and I stated many reasons. I believed at the time they were valid... I was surprised by the overwhelming response of moms and dads that completely disagreed with me. One dad in particular said this:

My son will be 12 in one week and has had a cell phone since his 11th birthday. He lost one about two months in, but paid the co-pay himself to get another, and has had that for 10 months. He does use it for texting friends, but puts it away when asked and turns it off during meals, movies, homework, etc. Heck, after about a month of having the phone, the novelty of it wore off and we had to remind him to bring it with him when he left the house! One reason my wife and I wanted to get him a phone was for safety purposes. If he gets lost, stranded, abandoned, flat tire on his bike, or otherwise needs us, we are a phone call away. True, we didn’t have cell phones when we were kids and we survived, but I can think of dozens of times I had to search for a payphone (back when there was one on every corner) to call my parents to pick me up, confirm dinner time, etc. This also brings in the convenience factor – being able to coordinate pickup times from friends’ houses, finding each other inside Wal-Mart, the list goes on of the practical, everyday uses we find for his phone. He even uses the camera to take pictures, upload them to animoto.com to make short movies! Then there’s this, Kelly, and I’m delving into an area here that’s very personal to you and none of my business here, so be prepared. Your daughter isn’t asking for a tattoo, multiple piercings, a Mohawk. She just wants a phone. Something all of her friends have, something that isn’t evil, immoral, or otherwise destructive. She’s resenting you more than you know, and will never look back and thank you for not getting her a phone when she asked for one. This problem has become way bigger than it needs to be. She’s being teased about it, and every time she is – she thinks about how you are the cause. That’s a dozen times per week that she is reminded of how she resents you for this decision. My suggestion? Make a few simple rules about phone use with a clear understanding of what the consequences are for breaking these rules, and let her have a phone. Heck, if you still aren’t ready for a full-featured phone, get her Firefly – fireflymobile.com, with a deal that if she can keep that without losing it until Christmas, she can get a regular phone. Then she pays the $50 co-pay if she loses the regular phone.

Gosh, Tom writes well..... no wonder that is his profession. You can find his blog at HiFi Collector

After I sent Tom's comment to my husband Dusty - the first thing Dusty said was "That guy can write - and he has some very valid points.. " Then I started to think of all the benefits to me... Then I started to warm up to the idea... So two weekends ago - I went to T-Mobile bought her a phone with a little typewriter thingy for texting.... I wasn't ready to commit to a contract but I did get her a pay as you go... I thought it would be good for a beginner that never has really talked on the phone before... It was $1.00 a day for unlimited texting and only if she texts - if the phone is not used then no charge and 13 cents or 15 cents a minute for talking - I don't remember.... I put $100 on it and we'll see how long that lasts....

The plan is to hide the phone in her pillow case on her birthday - since she practically lives in there won't be hard to get her in there.... Then I am going to call her..... She is going to freak!!!!! in a good way... Thank you, Tom, Momweb, and Peri for your wisdom and thoughtfulness. You are all a blessing to me and my daughter's new best friends!!!

Because I Want One!

Next week my daughter is going on a missions trip to work in a homeless shelter. She is very excited and nervous about this trip... she will be working in the kitchen for the day and will come home later in the evening... I love the fact that my kid has a heart for service...She is always helping the elderly with their groceries at the store, up the stairs at church or whenever she runs across someone in need... she also loves working in the daycare at our church.. She is however, not very charitable towards her younger sister.... but that's a different blog...
I received a letter from the director of this trip and he told us to be sure and have our kids bring their cellphones because they did not know what time they will be arriving back at the church.. That really got my goat!!! I don't believe children should have cellphones.....and my kid is cellphone deprived.... I called the director and told him she did not have a cellphone and could she use the office phone to call me... He said the office is closed..he said she could use a friend's cell to call me but they like the kids to have their own... why, I ask... for safety purposes.. Is this missions trip unsafe? I ask... Well no he says... So why does my kid need a cell phone for safety purposes... He stopped and said you know what I don't know....(he laughed) she could use my cell if she needs too...
When I was a kid, I never had a cellphone..they did not exist and I was able to go many places and experience many different things...without a cellphone.. Why are today's children so attached to their cellphones? Excuse my French but it just so Stupid!!!! Everyday when I pick up my kids from school... I see dozens and dozens of kids flip out their phones and start texting, calling, and sharing what they see on their phones.... Can't they wait till they get home? The funny thing is most of them are texting/ calling each other from about 20 yards away!
Today on the way home from school - Nikki (my 7th grader) was trying to explain to me that she felt like a baby because ALL of her friends had cellphones....and she just needs one... She said it's kinda like when she got her locker at the beginning of the year.. and how she felt so grown up.. She thinks that if she gets a cellphone - she'll feel grown up... No one ever calls her at home so why do you want a cellphone I asked her...You know what her answer was.....They'll call if I have a cellphone... and because I want one......

My reasons for Just Say No To The Cellphones...

Many kids are texting in class and the teacher is oblivious.. Grades are dropping
Families are having less time together because kids are too busy texting their friends
Kids lose their cells ALL the TIME.. (in one outing I took 13 girls and 4 of them lost their cells)
Homework is not getting done...
Kids are getting bullied more often..
Opens the doors for the kids to sneak behind their parents' back much more easily.
Texting in the movies drives me INSANE!!!!
Kids are not learning patience... they want everything now...

I can understand letting a child use a cellphone if they have game practice and need to be picked up and phones are not available.... there are exceptions to a child using a cellphone but I don't believe they should own one..... But that's just me..... What do you think?

I Don't Care All Your Friends Have a Cellphone!

My 13 old daughter is convinced I am The World's Meanest Mom because I refuse to get her a cell phone. It has become such a sore subject that the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention every time the word "cell" comes up. Today, we were having lunch with my mom who innocently said that Nikki (my daughter) could have her old cell phone. Of course the bionic eared one heard that and quickly launched into attack mode saying ALL her friends had one. I don't understand why she would want a cell phone. She is never on the phone at home. Then I get the eye roll. No one really talks on their phone they text each other.
Now I have a HUGE problem with texting. I can't even go to the movies without some jerk kid sitting behind me texting their friend who is sitting in front of me. Last weekend, my husband and I went to see "The Uninvited" and we missed much of this awful movie because a bunch of 13 year old girls were sitting behind us texting their friends.
Whatever happened to getting together with your friends and just hanging out and using real words like "I'll be right back" instead of punching in "brb" on your cell. Or this is a good one.... How about Laughing Out Loud for real.. and everyone hears it...instead of "LOL".
Well, I guess I am the World's Meanest Mom. I just don't buy into getting my kid a cell as a toy. When she gets her driver's license......now that's another story... Well bye for now. or in text lingo....bbl....