The Check Is In The Mail...

I have been self employed since 1997 - I started my home mortgage loan processing business as a way to stay home with the kids and also earn a little extra for the fun adventures we as a family like to do.. My business ended up being a God send when my husband lost his job last Spring - thankfully he is back to the world of the employed...

As a self employed person... my reputation is very important... I strive to always provide the best that I can give.... One thing I learned very early on is that what I do or don't do can make or break a loan. My knowledge... persistence... integrity is relied upon when working under constant deadlines... If I don't do my job - No one makes money... And when a loan closes - some of my clients are foaming at the mouth to get their check from the bank... and if it's not there quick enough - I am informed and asked to help them out... Which I gladly do... especially for the fact that if they do not get their check.... I don't get my check... makes sense right???

Recently I have two clients that are not paying me.... The excuses I get are so transparent that I would laugh if I wasn't so ticked off.... The money I get paid doesn't even come out of their pocket - it is billed into the final fees- the borrower pays.... So basically the client is stealing my money.... I have a very hard time understanding how people can operate like this.. I could never hold on to someones money like that...

The excuses I have heard range from: "The bank mailed the check to the wrong address." ( I do online pay and that has NEVER happened to me). "The address on the check can't be seen through the window on the envelope." (huh, really?).. "I mailed it two weeks ago.. really - you didn't get it?" "The postman in my building lost all the outgoing mail that day."

I have offered to run by their office to pick up the check and that's when I almost get the truth... Almost... I wonder whatever happened to good character? Because when it comes to money for some people good character has left the building.... I find that sad, don't you?

Definition of Good Character

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny
Character is who we are when no one is looking.

Expecting Perfection = Arrogance

Do you ever give yourself unrealistic goals? Higher expectations than you give others? Today, I realized that I do that to myself... I expect myself NEVER to make mistakes and when I do - I get mad... Mad at myself.... I find myself scrambling to make it right.... I don't know what I expect to happen... The world will not end.... My clients will not leave me... neither will my husband... my kids.... my God...

I used to tease my sister that she was a people pleaser and she needed to say "No" on occasion... I did not understand at the time it is a difficult thing to do... Being a business owner or a friend makes it difficult to say "I can't do it right now" or "Wait until I can help you" or the worst thing that I can imagine saying especially to my clients "Can you please do it yourself this time" yikes!!!!... I am trying to teach myself no matter how hard I try - I will never please everyone - all the time.... There will be times that I just mess up and I have to accept that I am not perfect... To expect otherwise is pure arrogance and that is not a trait that I want to continue to have.... Yes, I just called myself arrogant...

One of the most difficult decisions I have made lately was to back out of Women Ministry... I loved serving God and the women of my church in this manner.... But life has taken over... Responsibilities of late have been beyond normal.... beyond extreme... The other day I was working in my office and I had the most extreme stomach burning pain... I believe that I am causing myself to have an ulcer.... I know that they do run in my family - both parents and I think both sisters too..... I realized sitting here in my office this Sunday afternoon - scanning files while I type this post that I am burning the candle at both ends.... Something needs to give...

I am thankful to God for the abundance of work I have received - especially since I am the sole provider at this time - I will always do my best.... I will always give sterling service BUT - I cannot expect myself to do 20 things at one time and do them perfectly... I need to prioritize better and stop worrying that if I don't do something the minute a client, my husband, my friends, or my kids ask me that the world will end.... Because it most likely won't....