Yes, I May React Before I Think

Like many women and/or men - I can be hot headed when it comes to my kids. I may react before I think... When someone hurts my kids - I can get angry... and today I reacted in a very immature fashion and posted my anger on my status on Face Book.. Yes, that was completely wrong... but I do have to say - that the person I was angry with is not on Face Book and I did not expect nor did I think I would anger anyone with my stupid status... I immediately was proven wrong. Someone did get offended and I am sorry for that....

One of the things I like about blogging is that if I need to - I can vent... I can vent to my heart's content and the focus of my anger will not be affected... After I am done venting... I can return to a healthy and sometimes healthier relationship... and in doing this - I have not hurt nor have I done harm to the person I am angry with... I get it out - I get it done....and my anger dissipates. I think this is healthy.... at least it is what works for me....I have no desire to get into a battle... nor do I desire to defend myself.... I am angry - I have a right to be. People say and do stupid things - I know I am guilty... God knows, I am.. But I do try not to lash out - I vent by blogging..... eating too much.... listening to Zeppelin... or saying something stupid on Face book...

I am a firm believer that adults need to handle themselves with maturity and not get into tit for tats with children... I am a firm believer that a child should find security in their parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles... I am a firm believer that two (2) wrongs do not make a right.... I am not blind to my kids' faults and teenage angst and attitudes. But an adult needs to not yell at a child... or criticize a child... or break promises to a child... I know no one is perfect- I totally get that... But when a mistake is made.... a real "I'm sorry" will do... followed by behavior that matches the humility of the situation...

I am by no means making excuses for my kids' behavior or lack of respect.... They should be corrected... But the correction Must be done out of maturity.... Must be done the right way....And when a child sincerely apologizes - the apology should be accepted and not turned away. A sincere apology should not be used for additional fuel to berate... To get crankier... angrier and yelling will Never make it right... It only makes things worse.. As adults it is our responsibility to set an example on how to deal with conflict...

There are many sides to a story... and I am sure every side has a completely different version and outlook... I may not have all the facts (I probably don't)... That is why I will not pick up the phone and confront the person I am angry with... It would not do anyone any good... Yes I am angry on what I do know... What I have seen in the past.... When a behavior has happened before it is very easy to expect the same behavior to happen again.... But I will let it go.... I will eat a cookie.. turn on Stairway to Heaven and finish this post..... and when I am done festering - I will be ready to be forgiving.... and forgetful.... and ready to be a grown up once more.....

Respect Is Not An Option

One of the things I am having the most difficult time dealing with is the highs and lows of my hormonal daughters.. I don't remember acting this way when I was their age - maybe it's because my parents were stricter.... or maybe I have blacked out that particular emotion - who knows but I am running out of patience .... and I do not like it!

Last night was open house at their school... I was browsing through my 6th grader's class and she was showing me the different projects she and her friends had completed so far this year - then... walks in the boy - the boy she has a major crush on... All of sudden - she is talking to me in a voice of disrespect like nothing I had ever heard.... No flipping idea where it came from... She starts walking away from me when I was talking - it was crazy.. All because the boy that she likes walked in? I did not want to embarrass her so I waited until we were out of the room to ask her what the heck was wrong with her.. and she said she did not now.....

Later we went to the open quad where a band was playing - my junior higher wanted to go hang and dance with a few of her posse friends while I went to the silent auction and gym to view the Art Masters - I told her I would be back in about a half hour or so.... She acted like she did not know me and gave her water bottle to my other daughter who promptly said she did not want to hold it - the junior higher looked at both of us like we were crazy and turned around with her nose up in the air.... I tell you this behavior - although I believe it is pretty typical -it is not something I find acceptable..

Today when I arrived at the school to pick up the kids my 6th grader told me she wanted to spend the night with her friend - I thought it would be fine - her friend was trying to call her mom but kept getting voice mail - I told her that we'll call later to see if it could would work out... My kid did not like that option - she wanted me to just let her wait for the mom and kind of push herself on them and go to her friend's house - the attitude - I tell you.... What was funny was her little friend was watching this exchange and she said if I treated my mom like you are treating your mom - I wouldn't be going anywhere except home to write 1000 sentences saying, "I will respect my parents".... At that moment, I think my kid got it - what she was doing was not cool.. it was stupid... it was disrespectful...

I realize that both of my girls are growing up - finding themselves - thinking their friends - their crushes are more important.... I completely get that... But Respect is NOT an Option..... I will demand respect and if talking doesn't work - if discipline doesn't work..... I could always take them to school in a bathrobe and curlers.... or better yet a bikini..... Now that I believe would scare them straight.... Let's hope for the parents and children of their school it doesn't come to that!

The "Lady" Who Freaked At Target

As parents we often tell our children to be nice. Play nicely with your neighbor - share your toys... Don't say bad words... Show respect to your elders... Say thank you and please... Don't double dip...

The other day I was doing my weekly grocery shopping at Target with my girls.. I was in line to pay for my groceries and this lady (I say this very loosely) in front of me had two (2) beautiful young children with her..... She was yelling at the cashier because an item that she saw on Target's web site was not in the store.. I am very serious.. The cashier offered to track the item and discovered the item can only be bought through the Target web site...

The F bombs - the S bombs - the every bad word you can imagine bombs just started exploding out of this mother of two beautiful kids.... In addition to yelling - the "lady" started throwing her coins at the cashier.... What I found really sad is that her kids seem oblivious to this over the top lunatic rant.... My kids stood there with their mouths just about hitting the floor...

The "lady" was causing such a stir... all 12 lines that were open stopped to watch... All the customers and fellow cashiers just stood there as this poor cashier is getting pelted with quarters.. No security coming to her rescue - no managers walking our way.... So I'm thinking something has to be done.... (I'm lucky I didn't get pelted or belted).. As the lady was taking more change to throw - I grabbed her elbow.... I said, "Throw another quarter and I will personally see you arrested".... my eyes were angry... my voice was deep and shaky.. The "lady" looked at me - angry at first..... then reality must have hit her - her eyes did a 180.... As I saw the transformation in her appear - I said, " I feel sorry for your beautiful children to have a mother that can't even control herself... shame on you"... Right about this time - security came.. The woman was escorted from the store....

It amazes me how grown adults can act like this.... Throwing temper tantrums in a public forum because they can't get what they want.... I feel so very sorry for those children.... Growing up with an abusive parent. We as parents set the example for behavior...... What example was this "lady" setting for her children???

Have you ever seen something like this?

My Kids Are Night and Day...

It is funny to me how my children can be so different from each other..... They are both raised in the same home.. the same parents... the same values... the same rules.... the same love - but they are as different as night and day...

One loves anything chocolate - the other is NOT a chocolate fan.

One loves to run and play and has a lot of energy - the other would rather watch TV

One loves to spend time with me.. all the time - the other rather be alone.

One is a joyful helper - the other rather be helped...

One has a great attitude - the other has a storm brewing overhead...

Today - I had to take a privilege away - a privilege that my troubled one claims to love.... But because of her horrible attitude and disrespect to her coach she can no longer play tennis... There has been months of warnings... months of second and third and fourth time chances to make it right.... Today - I had to discipline.... and I hate it...... Being a parent is tough - Not knowing if you are making the right decisions can be heart breaking.....

Today, I am praying for the knowledge and words to enter the heart of my negative one... I see she is lonely..... I see that her negative attitude has prevented her from having a lot of happiness and friends... She has so many wonderful gifts - she is smart... she is funny..... she has a giving and loving heart.... I wish she knew what a treasure she is......

Respecting Views and Beliefs of Others

One of the things I find very sad is that some people can get very belligerent if you don't agree with their views... whether it be - the stock market, religion, politics, or whatever topic they are promoting....We are all entitled to our beliefs - it's how we approach and respect one another that counts... not whether we are right or not....

I find it very disrespectful when a person will tell me I am wrong in a condescending way... as if I have no idea what I am talking about.. They assume they are superior and everyone else is wrong. They assume they are the experts just because they say so... The ones that usually assume this position are the ones who are sorely lacking in any upper education.... the school of hard knocks does not count... saying they are knowledgeable because they have an opinion - does not make them an expert .. saying they have studied a particular subject does not make them an expert..

I have learned that most of those who are experts in their chosen field are excited about debating... are excited about sharing... and do not get upset when others question their beliefs... I have found that "rightly educated" people have much more tolerance and grace...The uneducated ones with their lack of tolerance and understanding only makes them appear arrogant... and that is not good.. Believe me - no one is impressed.. name dropping doesn't work... A person does not gain the knowledge of an expert just by association... I wish that were true because - I would be really smart. There are many people I look up too..

Being oneself and accepting the fact that they don't know it all and respecting others opinions - that will bring the respect they crave.. The "I know everything attitude" just makes people back away.. and one little note - just because people are not getting in a debate with you does not mean they agree with you.. it means that your arrogance has caused them to close their ears to you... all they hear is blah blah blah..

One of the things I am trying to teach my children is to respect others. Respect different opinions, different religions, different taste in music.. in food, and other numerous differences. We live in a country with many different sides and if we cannot show respect and tolerance we are lost... we are divided... and being divided we cannot be strong...we cannot be united.

Show tolerance for other opinions. Do not tell others they are wrong without hard evidence to support your beliefs.... and many times a belief is a belief... Do not attack others by claiming that they lack the knowledge to represent their beliefs.... because that makes you look ignorant.. Don't turn your back on people who question your knowledge but rather embrace the idea of sharing what you know and a difference of opinion is okay... don't always try to win over someone to your way of thinking.. don't say things like "I don't care what you think" or "I don't care if you agree with me" those are fighting and hateful words.... especially if you follow up by saying "You have to know you are wrong" or "In the future be accurate in your facts" Comments like this only belittle the person and make you look like a bully...Don't be the person that if you don't get your way you cut off communication and go pout... Be the grown up... Show respect...and show the love that God wants you to show... Remember it's not about you.....