Letting Go... Backing Off...

My favorite TV show is The Gilmore Girls - I own the complete series and I have watched it so many times that a few of the DVDs now skip... The relationship dynamics between the daughter (Rory), her mom (Loreli) and her mom's mom (Emily) is so true to life - The characters want to be strong... independent women but the truth is although they are strong... smart... and independent. They are also so very vulnerable - they are so very hungry for each others love... approval.. and acceptance... But - all three of them have a difficult time giving and receiving. I believe every mom would see themselves in each of the characters on this show....

There is a season on the show where Rory starts to hang out with a wild and very spoiled group of kids from Yale - partying to all hours - her self esteem is crushed (a long story) and instead of dealing with it the right way - she and her boyfriend ( a very wealthy spoiled brat) take a yacht that does not belong to them out for a joyride..... They get caught and arrested... Then Rory drops out of Yale.. Loreli knows this is NOT her daughter Rory... Nothing Loreli says gets through... throw in two meddling grandparents - Loreli had to let go.....(the most difficult thing Loreli has ever had to do) and Loreli lost Rory.... for a while.... After many months.. many tears - Rory finds herself again... and Loreli is there with open arms to welcome her back...

There are times as moms... as parents.. When we have to back off and let our kids learn on their own.. learn from their mistakes.. It can be very difficult... Especially if you are like me a complete control freak..... I recently realized that I have been spending far too much time yelling... worrying.. freaking out on my kid and nothing was getting better.. only more stress.... more resentment.. This week I have made a decision to back off - I do not mean to back off from parenting or loving... But backing off from breathing down my kid's neck.. backing off from reminding her 10 times in 10 minutes to do her homework... to turn her paperwork in... to study for her test... I have to let her become more responsible... by letting her do it on her own....

Do You See Anything Unusual???

This is a picture of a recent MRI of a person that I care deeply for.... Last November she had a brain tumor removed and this MRI was taken ten (10) months later.... Do you see anything unusual???

What drives me insane is that when this person went to the neurosurgeon - He claimed to have reviewed the MRI... But when an educated and detailed question was asked - it was apparent he lied.... (he said everything looked normal... really? )He of course did a lot of back pedaling... My question - Is this: What happened to doctors taking the time to discuss results with patients? What happened to compassion.. truthfulness? Nowadays, HMO patients and many PPO patients have to wait weeks... months to see a specialist - only to find out that the specialist had not taken the time to review their case or worse forgets previous appointments and tries to start from scratch... I have lost count of the times this has happened..

With specialists not having time to really "see" a patient... I wonder what will happen when the health care reform actually takes over... The unknown is a scary thing... I pray all my fears are unfounded and something great will happen.. But thus far - I have not witnessed anything that the government runs getting better, have you?

It's All About Character

When I was in the tenth grade - My business law teacher, Mr. Baldwin had our class watch President Reagan be sworn into office... Mr. Baldwin's comment to all of us on that day was - "You are watching history in the making".... This was January 20, 1981.... In November 1984- I voted in my first election and I voted for President Reagan to continue his stay in the Oval Office.. I remember feeling proud of myself... feeling American... Knowing that my one vote could make a difference... I believe elections were won by character in those days.... Not by "Smear" campaigns...

I have to tell you - I am completely disgusted by the election campaign ads and the candidates that are constantly on TV.... When President Obama was running for office - I thought the ads had hit an all time low.. I was wrong... The ads for Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman are so awful that I am choosing not to vote for either one of them this election... They are both horrid... Whatever happened to a candidate proving their worth... Proving their qualifications? Nowadays, it's Spin City - Elections are no longer based on Character but instead how bad they can make their opponent look by skewing the facts.

I have not heard one candidate step up to the plate and state their case... or rise above the trash talk and give real talk on what they can do for our state... our nation... Telling us... Showing us - what their intentions are... What their plans are... and what they will do to achieve it... Winning an election is all about Character... and I have not seen any good character in any elected or running candidate it a very long time....

Love this speech from The American President....

Cancer Is Awful... Scary....

I have always been afraid of cancer... Cancer has been the main killer in my family for decades.. My dad's mom whom I never had the privilege to meet died from breast cancer when dad was a young ten (10) year old boy... My mom's mom had a double mastectomy because of this horrid disease.. Several aunts, uncles, and cousins are now gone... breast cancer, brain cancer, lung cancer, ovarian cancer, and oral cancer.... My father had his tongue removed a few years before he passed away... Cancer is awful... scary.... and when my gynecologist advised me eight years ago that I had it - I was terrified... but not surprised....

I was lucky this time... The form of cancer I had was very rare but treatable if caught early enough.. Thankfully, it was caught in the very early stages and the infected area was surgically removed... The chance of the cancer coming back is 33% - so I have to be checked every six (6) months and that's okay... I do have a few complications that I can and will live with for the rest of my life. These things are easy to accept because I am here - I am here for my husband.. my kids.. my family..

A few years ago I met a woman named Shelly while I was waiting in the oncologist office for my six month check up... We noticed that we were reading the exact book- Hiding in the Shadows by Kay Hooper... My favorite author and as it turned out Shelly's too... We exchanged emails and phone numbers and a new friendship was born...

Shelly was 41 years old when we met and she had been fighting cancer her entire life... When she was five (5) - she was diagnosed with Leukemia.. She fought and won that battle... When she was sixteen (16) she had a cancerous growth on her femur - her leg was removed when she was seventeen (17).. She married her long time sweetheart when she was twenty-four (24) and became pregnant almost right away - the doctors believed this to be a miracle.. her daughter was born healthy and beautiful.. Shelly discovered a lump in her left breast while taking a shower shortly after her 40th birthday.. When I met her - she had just finished her latest round of chemotherapy....

I was so amazed by Shelly - her incredible outlook on life... her optimistic spirit.. She told me she could be sad and feel sorry for herself but she chose to live... I love that... She chose to live... I think we all can learn so much from that simple statement.... I have learned so much in the short three years of our friendship....

Today - I received an email from Shelly's husband... it was a mass mailer to all Shelly's email friends and co-workers... The email was to let Shelly's friends know that Shelly died Friday night from a massive heart attack brought on by her lifetime of radiation and chemotherapy.. Her heart became weak and she just could not fight any longer....

Cancer is an awful disease.... I do not want to lose any more people I love... Good-bye Shelly - I am so lucky to have met you... So lucky to have known you.. You are beautiful... You are amazing. You will be missed...

Evolution of The Green Monkey....

Going from a Christian school to a public school can be very challenging. One of the challenges my oldest is facing is biology... Her teacher is a strong believer in evolution.. He has very strong opinions about his belief system.. What he is teaching as fact goes against everything my kid has grown up to believe.. My daughter asked me what she should do about this... My answer was to absorb everything he is teaching... I think it is very important to learn all sides of different belief systems... How can we participate in a conversation about what we believe and why without having some kind of knowledge about other beliefs? To say we believe by faith.. does not go very far with a scientist who looks to Darwin as the Father of Science.

I do believe that there are many things that evolve over time... Take viruses and bacterias for example.. How often have you heard the term antibiotic resistant... This happens when the virus/bacteria evolves into a stronger force and stronger medications are needed... Our body's resistance to germs has evolved over time as well.. I remember watching the War of The Worlds when the aliens started to die - Morgan Freeman's voice over tells us why the aliens could not live on Planet Earth.. Because their bodies did not have the ability to fight the single cell bacteria that humans had evolved over time to fight and continue living...

Today on the way home Nicole (my daughter) told us about an answer her biology teacher gave to a student who asked where the AIDS virus came from... This is how she described her teacher's answer..

"Well you see there was this one cell bacteria that evolved over time into the African Green Monkey... Some human decided to eat this African Green Monkey and the human caught AIDS either my eating the monkey or cutting the monkey open and getting it's blood in a wound.." Yes, this is a true story... I had heard the theory about the African Green Monkey - I know that it has been said that many primates carry the virus that is similar to AIDS.. What I found very odd was that the teacher started the answer by adding "there was a one cell bacteria..." It's crazy to me how a person's belief system can be added to topics that have nothing whatsoever to do with the belief...

For the record - I do not believe humans and/or animals evolved from one cell.. I find the theory incredibly silly.... But I believe it is important to learn the Theory of Evolution - for the fact that many people believe this theory and to wear a Christian chip on our shoulder and refuse to listen and/or understand their beliefs would make us arrogant.. and arrogance is not going to get you a good grade.. nor is it going to give us an opportunity to share our beliefs...

I love C.S. Lewis on Evolution

An egg which came from no bird is no more "natural" than a bird which had existed from all eternity. And since the egg-bird-egg sequence leads us to no plausible beginning, is it not reasonable to look for the real origin somewhere outside sequence altogether? You have to go outside the sequence of engines, into the world of men, to find the real originator of the rocket. Is it not equally reasonable to look outside Nature for the real Originator of the natural order?

The Camera and the Twelve Year Old

This is what happens when you leave a camera in the car with a 12 year old.... She cracks me up!!!! She forgot to delete them....

Me and My Two Girls' Coming Adventure.

Three summers ago my girls and I went on an All Girl Road trip from Southern California to Utah, Colorado, and Nevada... We visited relatives - best friends -we climbed over 7000 feet up in the Colorado Rockies, Jet boated along the Colorado River in Moab, Utah, went down a water slide at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas a million times and created memories that will last a lifetime...

This past summer was a difficult one for my family - as you know my husband had lost his job in March and we needed to be on a very tight budget.... I own a mortgage loan processing business and I was working in excess of 80 hours a week - accepting new clients and basically not having time for anything else... It was my time to support the family and thank God - it worked out fine financially but emotionally and physically I suffered greatly... my kids suffered missing their mom. We did not do anything extra -we stayed home - thankfully we have a pool but that got old fast.. My husband (D) was lucky enough to travel to Mexico for a week and fish... The trip had been planned for a year and the timing worked out great. I like to tease him that his interviews in Tennessee, North Carolina, and Oregon were actually vacations and not work related...

I promised my girls that when we get back on track that we are going to have a Great Adventure.. This is what we are going to do - I'm so excited...

In July we are flying into Washington DC - We are going to spend a couple of days with a wonderful friend and mentor of mine... She also happened to be my oldest daughter's 2nd grade teacher.. We adore this wonderful Lady... We will then travel to the heart of DC - and visit all the places I have always wanted... The White House, The Lincoln Monument, The Veterans' monuments, The Mall, Arlington Cemetery and the Smithsonian....

We will jump on a train from DC to New York City... My oldest has always wanted to visit Time Square... We will climb to the top of the Empire State Building, take a stroll in Central Park, visit the Statue of Liberty, go to Ellis Island where my grandparents immigrated from Scotland, and to top off the two and half day stay - We will see Westside Story on Broadway! Then...

We will jump on a train from New York City to Boston... We will explore the Commons, ride on a Swan Boat, walk the Freedom Trail, eat a Lobster Roll at Faneuilhal Hall, Visit Paul Revere's home, see Bunker Hill, explorer The USS Constitution, and visit my sister's family- The cousins get to catch up and My sister will show us the "Real" New England.... can't wait!!!!

I am looking forward to spending time with my girls and making more memories!

We will see..

The New Potty Mouth

Yesterday morning as I dropped my freshman off to school - she bumped her head and said sh%$... This was the first time I had ever heard her say a real cuss word... My jaw dropped to the floor... Since she was already running late for school - I gave her a stern mom look and left... All day long I kept thinking about my daughter's new potty mouth... Words like that don't fly out without thinking unless they are said often... don't you think???

Last night - I approached her about her new found words.... Her teenage attitude flared its ugly head.. I miss my little girl that never would dream of saying those words... My little girl who saw me as the center of her universe... My little girl who was sweet and cuddly.... Now I have a teenager who rather pull out her fingernails one by one than have a conversation with me about her potty mouth.... As you know - I am constantly "In her Grill" where does that slang come from anyway????

The Talk....

Me: "Not real happy with the S word that I heard this morning- when did you start talking this way?"

Her: "All my friends talk like that. I would be weird if I did not."

Me: " You're weird if you really believe that and if all your friends truly talk like that - then you are hanging out with the wrong kids.."

Her: <= (major scowl) " I like my friends!"

Me: "You are not allowed to talk like that - it sounds awful, immature, and makes you appear to have a small vocabulary and a smaller mind - You are better than that."

Her: <= (rolling her eyes and the scowl continues) "Mom, I am a teenager and teenagers cuss- it's the mature thing to do..."

We went back and forth for quite a while.. I wish I could control this.... control what she says... What she does... I can only talk with her - try to set an example... I was told by many friends and family members that raising a teenager is tough... I had no idea... I have to believe that she does know right from wrong... I have to believe that this phase will end sooner rather than later... I have to believe..... I have to pray.... I have to let God be in control.... cuz frankly - I cannot do this on my own....

The Six Month Job Hunt

Seven months ago my husband (D) called me from his cell phone... He called to let me know that the company he had been working for the past three years had eliminated all the sales management positions on the west coast which included him.. Of course he was bummed to not have a job but he knew that this particular job and company was not for him....

You see, three and half years ago he worked for a company that he loved - a company he had worked his way up the corporate ladder... He had been there twenty-three years then the company was sold to a large competitor... Needless to say - the competitor laid off all the upper management of the company that D worked for.. To say it was a major shock to lose a job that he excelled at and loved would be an understatement.. This was the first time he had been without a job...

Instead of waiting for the perfect job to come along - he had been offered a position within four (4) months with a company that was in a completely different field and he took it.. He was not happy there.. But D is not one to complain... Never did he complain.. He always gave 100% in everything he did and this job was not an exception.. I knew he wasn't happy because I know him.. He loves the sale... He loves managing direct sales... He loves busy busy busy... and this company was a company that moved at a snail's pace... It was a company that was hurting and did not know how to get out of the hole they had put themselves in.... D saw the writing on the wall so.... About a year ago he started to contact people in the industry he had left - the one he loved... He was making connections.... and when he lost his job seven months ago - he was already ahead of the game... One of the connections he had made is his new boss today..... We just did not know it at the time....

Right away D signed up with The Ladders.com and Career Builders. He updated his Linkedin and he called everyone he knew in the industry.. He contacted every headhunter that he knew... He was networking and after living this experience with D - I have to say getting a job that you want or any job for that matter is all about networking... The on line sites like The Ladders and Career Builders are not sites I would recommend... ever. We spent hundreds of dollars on these sites only to receive advertisements.. Not one headhunter responded.. Not one lead call returned.. In today's unemployment overload - there are too many people without jobs... To get a job - you have to work at it everyday... You have to stand out.. You have to be persistent... Getting a job has to be your 9-5 job... You cannot sit around - fill in a couple of application on line and say that you are honestly trying.... You have to get out there... NETWORK.... NETWORK... NETWORK..

Within the first month - he had a lead for a position in Memphis, Tennessee - The hiring manager all but told him the job was his... I was very excited about the opportunity to move and D was excited to get back into his field choice and to work with someone he knew.... Well the position fizzled and the hiring manager was let go... There were a few more interviews all over the United States... He interviewed for positions in San Francisco, Kansas, Texas, North Carolina, and Oregon.... I knew that D really wanted a position where we would not move - he loves our home... so do I but I was definitely receptive to a change - I have lived in Southern California my entire life and I was open to change... but staying here is great too!

Well D's networking and persistence finally paid off - he received an offer two weeks ago to lead the sales management team for the Western Region... From Washington to Southern California... he also covers Hawaii... (Aloha!!! ) We get to stay exactly where we are.... In the past two weeks - He has been to Portland 3 times, San Francisco 2 times, and New York one time... and He is LOVING IT...

To those who are without a job right now and are looking... Be that squeaky wheel... Talk to everyone you know.... Word of mouth is the best tool today.... Take advantage of it and Best Wishes to you.......

What Are Your Labels???

When I was in high school, designer labels were just hitting the fashion industry.... I remember all those silly commercials on TV - Gloria Vanderbilt with her hair tucked behind her ears selling her designer jeans... Sassoon jeans - they had a catchy song and girls parading around in their tight blue jeans... and who could forget that Brooke Shields Never let anything come between her and her Calvins??? In those days - those were the only labels I knew... Wanted.... Cared about.... I would babysit many weekends to save enough to buy one pair of $50 too tight jeans... I have flashbacks of sucking in my belly and rolling around the floor to zip up those size 2 jeans.... I would have been better off with a few sizes bigger....

Today at the ripe old age of 44 (almost 45) - I realized that I no longer care about labels on the things I wear.. the things I buy... I more often will buy a store brand item because it's less expensive and more times than not works or tastes the same as the pricier competition. Today - I realized that labels are still a big part of who I am.... but a different kind of label... a far more important type of label...

I am...........

A Wife
A Mom
A Daughter
A Sister
A Friend
A Follower of Christ
A Budget maker and keeper
A business owner
A brat
A strong headed and strong willed woman
A lover of the written word
A scardy cat of the dark...
A Conservative voter... thinker... doer...

But I do have to say that of all the labels I wear... I am most proud to be a mom and a wife to my husband of 22 years and a follower of Christ.... These are the labels that define me...

What are Your Labels???

For Fun...... The Eighties... Were Something Else.. Don't You Think....

What Would You Do?????

When my daughter turned 13 - we agreed to get her a cellphone.. There seemed to be more positive than negative when my husband and I discussed it.. Most of her friends had one... I could reach her more easily..... It would help her connect with her friends over the summer....

Well...... my kid started high school this fall.... She is going to a public school from a Christian school - she has made some new good friends and some new bad friends.... I am happy that the "bad" friends seem to have moved out of the picture for the most part...

Because she has made several new friends - she has decided it was fun to text during classes (she says "everyone is doing it"- so I guess that makes it okay???) So far in the one (1) month she has been in school - her cell has been taken away twice by her teachers.... I found this out by "accident" when she slipped up by telling me why she went to her Biology class after school... She has always maintained an A/B+ average - now she has F's and D's popping up.... It's not that the classes are out of control harder..... it's that (she admitted to this) that she is too busy texting and not paying attention in class... She does need to study and listen - her classes are college prep classes... Her biology teacher one day emailed me to sternly ask me not to text my kid during his class because I was a rude disruption!. My response was HUH? I advised him promptly that I have not texted my child and I would speak to her after school..... She admitted to lying to her teacher - she thought she would not get into trouble if she told him it was me texting....

We have tried different ways to punish her behavior - we took her phone away - only for her to sneak the SIMS card out and put it into her sister's phone.... or a phone that I had no idea we still had... She even borrowed a cell from a friend at school and forgot to give it back - it came home with her!! I have told her to put the phone in her locker (she plays on the tennis team and I need her to contact me when she is ready for pick up) and of course she said she was doing that... Only for me to find over 30 texts on her phone in the middle of ONE class!!!! This is INSANE! She has resorted to lying - sneaking - whatever it takes to text her friends... It reminds me of an alcoholic who cannot resist the temptation of that one drink....

Yesterday - I received an update to her grades - She received another "F" in her honors Spanish class -that was the last straw.... I took her phone to T-Mobile - I asked them what can they do.... I had texting completely removed from her phone and she can only call me, her dad, home, and her sister..... Needless to say she is mad... really mad - she has been in a very bad... very disrespectful mood since yesterday.... She knows why it happened.... She told me she wants a mom that didn't care what she did..... She said that she could not wait till she was 18 and living in a dorm and away from me..... I asked her - "Do you want to go to college?" Answer Yes... "Are you sure? Answer Yes... "Do you think Ds and Fs are going to get you in? Answer No.... So maybe it's not so bad to have a mom that's "In your Grill" (she advised me I'm always in her grill) about your grades???? Answer I don't know.....

What would you do? Poll at the top left corner.

True Love

The
Rain

It was a busy
morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have
stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an
appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital
signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone
would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I
was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was
well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to
remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of
his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as
he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to
the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her
health.

He told me that she had been there
for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we
talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He
replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in
five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every
morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he
patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't
know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back
tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is
the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is
neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an
acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not
be.

I received this an email today and wanted to share.... I pray that we all experience True Love.....