Who's In School... Me Or My Kid?

The end of the school year projects are starting.. Which means major parent participation or my kids won't get a good grade.. It's crazy the things I have had to do in the name of education... For example - the 5th grade state project.. All pages needed to be typed.. all pictures needed to be color... and most research is done on the Internet... I remember when I was a kid - we'd send out a letter to the Department of Tourism and we'd get this big packet of really neat stuff...not anymore. It's all Internet... what if someone didn't have a computer.. or a color printer.. oh geez.. This state project was about 25 pages not including the full brochure that "we" had to make.. Thank goodness, I know how to cut and paste... So my kid this year and my other kid two years ago got "A's" I got major callus on my typing fingers..... This year's state project was so good the teacher asked to keep it... Of course, Kara is delighted..
Last night my kids were majorly stressed out - two big projects were due TODAY! They had only known about them since JANUARY!! So I had to make a mad dash to Michael's to get feathers and ribbons... Okay, I just read that sentence...this is a "family blog" people... I got the hot glue out and was ready to glue..
Kara my "work challenged" one had a hard time getting out of lazy land to do the actual book report... I am thinking that she thought the more she procrastinated the more likely I was to do it for her... I assured her that if it wasn't done by 7:30 PM, I would not help her...Well she finally got the message..funny girl - all she had to do is cut out the pictures (I found on the Internet) and glue them. She had already dictated to me the words for her report and they were printed out for her to cut out and paste... Nikki had several things due but her most fun project was her math project. She is my perfectionist kid.. she worries over the the little things.. mistakes that she can see but no else can.. I think her project turned out very nice. Her math ability has skyrocketed this year... GO NIKKI
I have to say I am really proud of both my girls.. Nikki for almost completing her first year of junior high and maintaining her Honor Roll grades. She also beat out 38 other junior highers to be on the Yearbook Team... very exciting stuff.. Watching her grow and spread her independent wings made me really proud to be her mom.
Kara is one of those kids that getting straight A's has never been a problem.. She never studies... she just listens in class and retains EVERYTHING... I am very proud of her ability to laugh at herself and take joy in all that is around her... I could take a lesson from her on that one.. I hoping that next year (6th grade) will be just as easy.. that's when things starting getting harder for Nikki... we'll see.
On a side note. Kara's book report was about General Custer's Last Stand.. She recently found out that Custer is her Great Great Great Grandfather... on her Dad's side... she loves bringing a little fame into her life...thus the book report on General Custer and not something in my opinion more interesting...She did love it...

Another Crazy Day

Yesterday was one of those days that I wanted to be June Cleaver.... wear my pretty dress, have my hair perfect, and always have my home and kitchen and kids under control and everyone is so happy.... Yesterday... was nuts... by 9:00 PM I was ready to put my head in the electric stove... I had 20 balls going in the air and praying that none of them would fall. I was finally got "caught up" at 10:15 PM... and crashed..
This morning my lovely husband let me sleep in. He woke up both the kids, had them make their lunches, and breakfast. He had everyone stay really quiet and I slept till 7:20 AM.. that was very nice... Came down stairs and gave the girls and hubby a quick hug as they walked out the door. After they left I found two notes.. One from Dusty on my computer keyboard and one from Kara (my youngest who drove me nuts yesterday) on my office door... ahhhhh..... all is forgiven...
What was also very nice is the way Dusty set my tea out for me... You got to see this... He loves me...
Today was another crazy day.. I almost forgot to register the kids for school next year but remembered at the last moment... yeah. tomorrow should be pretty good..
Having family that loves you during the stressful days is a nice thing to have.

I Wish Today I Was June Cleaver

Today was one of those crazy stressful days... Let's see...Got the kids up at 6:30 AM made breakfast - made lunches - fed the dog - yelled at the kids a couple of times to get the lead out - drove them to school - arrived just before the bell at 8:00 AM - came home answered a couple business calls - took a shower - jumped in car and took mom to doctor's appointment (2 hours) got back to home office - Seventeen voice mails and twenty - three Urgent emails.... my idea of urgent and my clients' idea of urgent don't always agree... Took care of all Urgent requests - 2:55 PM jumped in car to pick up girls - arrived back at home office 3:30 PM asked youngest one to do her chores - empty and load the dishwasher...went back into my office - 3:45 - caught said kid lying on couch watching TV - kitchen still a mess - Do your chores - closed door went back to work - husband calls his plane will be early can I pick him up at 5:30 - okay... Have four important things I need to get done by 5:15... hear ball bouncing - see chore ignorer running for the kitchen... DO YOUR CHORES...... Go back into my office - copying, faxing, emailing, typing, and stressing.. go back out kid finally putting dishes away.... Don't forget the trash... go back into my office only a few things left and then....phone rings "My plane has landed, come get me" Now I'm really going fast...copier print faster....come on come on.. okay done - put my files in Transbox to ship out tonight... go out into the living room and my kid is laying on the couch again... trash still in the can...TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!. Big kid stays home and little kid comes with me to pick up Daddy... Explain to little kid how disappointed I am that I had to tell her several times to finish her chores... Kid tunes me out by singing a song from a commercial thinking she's cute.....okay counting 1 2 3 4 5 ... Get to airport arrive at 5:35 PM pick up husband..drive home... "What's for dinner?" Oh geez 1 2 3 4 pork chops, applesauce, potatoes, and garlic bread... sounds good.. Start cooking... Mom can you help me with my book report... Mom I need you to type up my math project.. I lost the other one.... Honey, could you please remember to bring in the mail..... 1 2 3 4 5
I finish dinner - I have the husband and big kid clean the dinner mess.. I go into my office to try to finish things up... M O M M O M.... Honey Honey "Can you....."
1 2 3 4 Days like this makes me wish I was June Cleaver...

When is Censorship Too Much?

I am a huge book fan. I love to read. I mostly go for the romantic suspenseful books. You can usually find my nose buried in a Sandra Brown, Heather Graham, Kay Hooper, or Mariah Stewart book - when I have time to read...which lately I haven't.. My daughter Nikki is also a major book enjoyer. She has on many occasions asked to read one of my books... The answer has always been "no" - mostly for the fact that there is quite a bit of violence trying to catch a serial killer of some sort and the sex can be pretty descriptive... I'm an old married lady so not much shocks me....but sometimes ... I even say, "OH BOY".
I think it's a great thing that my kid loves to read. She is in the in between age.... where "Junie B. Jones" is too young and "Killer Take All" by Erica Spindler is way too sophisticated.
Several of her friends like an author by the name of Lisa McMann. The two books Nikki has read by this author is Wake and Fade. The books are geared towards teens 14 and older.. I have read a little of each of the books and granted they are a little racy but it's nothing that the kids don't see on TV or talk about at school.... It's life..... I am glad there are books out there that intrigues my daughter to read.. reading is good..... in my book. (pun intended)
As I have shared with you in previous posts, my girls go to a Christian school... It's funny what sets off the administration. For instance, the uniforms are not to be altered.. we had to sign an agreement... but several of the girls either hem their skirts to practically crotch level or roll up the waists. The teachers see this...they cannot not see this and nothing is said or done..... Now I bring bags of candy for Halloween for my daughters "Harvest Party" and there are pumpkins on the bags... The teacher makes the kids dump the candy out of the bags and put them into baggies....because Pumpkins are BAD.... it's funny because at my Church our pastor used the pumpkin as an illustration of being a Christian. God picks out a pumpkin, He washes it, He takes out all the yucky stuff inside, then puts a smile on its face, and finally puts a candle in it to show God's love burning bright from within..... so I thought a pumpkin bag was a great idea... any hoo.
So back to the books.... You know the Twilight series... who doesn't right.. I loved the book and I enjoyed the movie.. Okay, it's about a vampire but he's a really cute and nice vampire... Anyways, the Principal at my kids' school thought the book was bad because the girl character was willing to die for the man she loves... he is comparing it to the girl dying as Christ died for us.... very reaching on his side, I think.... I say, if we over censor, our kids might just find a way to read, watch, or do behind our backs.... I would rather give my kid a little extra rope on matters such as this.. because she is reading..... in front of me... and if she has a question.. she'll come to me... not someone else.... If we continue to hold our children in a plastic bubble...what's going to happen when they go away to college? away from home?
I believe we need to raise up our children in the Lord and give them the opportunities to learn and test their boundaries and find out what they love to do... and if reading a "slightly racy" book is the worst of our problems.... I'm thinking we have it pretty good.....

Okay.. Enough Already!!!

Today was my day of frustration! You see, my mom got a hairline fracture on her pelvis around the beginning of March. She has no idea how she got it except that she started a workout routine at Curves... After several weeks, the pain got too intense to continue to ignore it so my sister Debbie took her to Urgent Care on March 17th. There they did an x-ray and an ultrasound and found the fracture... So then she made an appointment to see a orthopedic doctor.. I took her to that one... On the first appointment - he looked at the x-rays and he did not see the fracture so he had my mom get a MRI and see him again in 2 weeks... Okay two weeks go by, my mom still in extreme pain and cannot work.. She is bored out of her mind staying at home..my dad passed away last summer so there really isn't anyone to talk to during the day except for the dog, Pati Jo and she just licks her responses..
I take mom to her next orthopedic appointment and he finally sees the fracture that the Urgent Care doctor saw a month ago... grrrrrrr... So what does the doctor say? Well, you have fractured pelvis and looks like you have a torn muscle... continue to relax and you will start getting better...Well she's not and today she was in extreme pain..so much so I took her to the Emergency room..After another round of x-rays and waiting around 3 hours...the doctor finally sees her.. and you ask what happened??? "Oh, you have a fractured pelvis which looks like it's healing.." says the doctor.. "Well, I am in more pain that I was before, why do you think?" my mom asks.... You know what this doctor said????? "Well, it could be your age.." You have got to be kidding... oh and to top things off....he asked my mom how she thought she might have gotten injured.. she said she was working out at Curves.. and he told my mom don't stop doing that!!!!!! SHE HAS A FRACTURED PELVIS...YOU MORON!!!!! So, my poor mom was sent home with a copy of a new x-ray to show her orthopedic doctor...
I don't know what I was expecting.. a miracle?...maybe... Some definite answers? Absolutely... I know my mom.. she is not a whiner.. or a complainer.. or a wimp.. If she says she is hurting, you better bet your bottom dollar she is really hurting... So her frustration and my frustration continue.... we see the ortho doc Tuesday...Think he'll send her for another MRI?

My Flowergirl Is Getting Married

I am a crybaby.... I am.. My niece is getting married this June and I am preparing to throw her a "Honeymoon Shower".. To get her ready for her adventure into Marriage Land... While I was working with the invitation lady and giving her the words.. my eyes welled up and my voice choked up.... I hate that! Whenever I think of my 5 year old flower girl getting married it just hits me how grown up she has become and how old I am.... Where do the years go?
I find myself crying, welling up, or whatever you want to call it at many events.... The first day of school for my kids..doesn't matter what grade they are going into...it's just another stepping stone towards independence and adulthood....I cry when I watch my nieces dance....Kristin the one getting married and her sister Lindsey. They have both been dancing their entire lives and to watch them dance is poetry in motion...I got to cry....it's breathtaking and I am so proud... This May Kristin graduates with her MBA and I know I am going to cry... I don't cry out loud.... I silently cry... I'm not a totally embarrassingly obvious crier... but the headaches I get after....forget about it... I'm out for the count.
I cry at my kids school productions big and small... I cry watching home videos.. I cry at sad and happy movies... I cry at commercials. My husband would look over at me and just give the look...you know the look..."the she's a nut look".... as Leslie Gore said so many years ago.."I'll Cry If I Want Too!"
When my daughters were smaller and they would see my eyes all teary...they would get concerned..and ask "Mommy are you okay?" and I would say..."Yes, Mommy is just crying happy tears." Even today when my kids see my eyes glistening...Kara will say okay there goes mom's happy tears again.....
So I am thinking that I'm going to have to buy waterproof mascara for this shower and the graduation and the wedding.... I'm really going to be a mess at the wedding...why? My girls are the junior bridesmaids... I will be watching my favorite girls in the world - one getting married (I can feel my eyes welling up just typing this!), one as a Maid of Honor, two as junior bridesmaids, and one is the mother (my sister) of the Bride and Maid of Honor.. Oh Boy....anyone have a tissue?

Racist Humor Is Not Funny

The other day my oldest daughter came home and told me a racist joke... She asked me if it was funny..I think by the complete look of horror on my face she quickly realized that I found no humor in this supposed joke... I asked her if she thought it was funny.... she responded she did not but her friend told it and her other friends laughed.. She thought she was missing something and did not want to appear stupid around her friends so she thought she'd ask me...
I am so blessed and lucky that my daughter feels comfortable enough to come to me with these kind of questions instead of repeating it and hoping to get a laugh. As a child of the sixties, I grew up hearing these kind of "jokes" and as a child I accepted them because I did not know better.. Now forty years later in my naivete, I thought those kind of "jokes" were done....never to be thought of or heard again....What really gets me is that my daughter goes to a Christian school.... and she is hearing this kind of hatred....it just floors me. The kids don't come up with these "jokes" on their own...they hear them from their family... or family friends.. and I am glad I don't know which friend told this joke because I would be upset with her parents...
One of my best friends is a woman named Yolanda. Yolanda is a beautiful black woman whom I have come to love with all my heart. I asked Nikki what she thought Miss Yolanda would think of this "joke"...Nikki who also loves Yolanda....stopped and looked at me...and she quietly said, "She would hate it and it would hurt her feelings a lot."
This experience reminded me that our kids learn from us...They learn how to love, how to think things out, and they learn how to hate... This experience saddened me and I know Nikki learned a very valuable lesson...that not all jokes are funny....and unfortunately racism still exists.. even in 2009..... so sad...

My New And Old Friend Janice

I recently reconnected with my best friend from the 7th grade... It was rather funny the way it happen.. I have a FaceBook account and have been reconnecting with a bunch of old high school friends and one day I get this message and it says are you Kelly Milne from Hill? If you are.. I am Janice G.. Wow talk about a blast from the past.. I loved hanging out with Janice... we met in the 6th grade and in 7th grade we were best buds.. There were many a day when I would go to her home after school to do homework or just hangout. Her mom would always make sure we had a healthy snack to give us energy to do our activities...
Later into our 7th grade year another girl entered our twosome.. She was a sweet girl named Karen...We all played together and most of the time got a long just fine.. But when you get a ring of three girlfriends..one will always be left out.... I think we each took turns being the one left out... But we were friends... We were there for each other when Karen's pet rat Ben died and we held her hand when she cried... We were there when we each "officially" became women... I remember Karen calling me up and saying, "I became a woman, today.." funny I "became a woman" a couple of weeks later...I don't know if Janice became a woman or not... she didn't share but I'm thinking since she is in her 40's and has two kids...I'm thinking it did happen at some point....
Towards the end of the school year I made a comment to each of the girls at different times... One day I told Karen, "I liked being with her the most" and a couple of days later I told Janice, "I liked being with her the most"... I honestly felt that emotion at the time...So one day Janice and Karen got together and shared what I had said as girls often do....then I got the phone call....It's Karen and she wants me to tell her which friend I like being with the most....since I told both of them the same thing... Well...I couldn't answer...I said both of you...as 7th grade girls do...that answer was not acceptable.. so the next day..Karen and I were not friends.. It's funny how I see the same emotions and feuds happening with my own daughter..
So...the last week of school happens... I am eating my lunch with some new friends I had made and Karen and Janice are eating their lunches a little ways away from me... All of a sudden something hits me on the back really hard... I can feel my eyes start to water..boy it hurt.. I turn around and I see Karen pointing her finger at me and laughing... I see poor Janice with a look of complete horror on her face...so I assume it's Karen that threw something at me...so I walked up to Karen and I punched her in the nose! Mind you this is the first and only time I had ever laid a hand on anyone...and what's more I broke her nose....talk about an unlucky punch! I was suspended from school for a few days...and Karen's family moved away...and Janice was no longer allowed to play with me...
It's sad and funny how one action can have such a huge impact on people's lives - this is something that I want my children to learn... that every action has a reaction and we just need to do the right thing... My mom used to say that I am going to learn from her mistakes... I find that is true with my own girls.. What is truly a blessing that after all these years...Janice found me.. and we just might become friends again..and I promise not to break any more noses...

Don't Believe Everything You Hear

One of my favorite things in my day is picking up my kids from school. I have a certain spot I wait. I love it when Nikki my oldest first catches my eye. We both smile at each other...She comes to me and if no one is paying attention she'll give me a hug and tell me she loves me and that she missed me... These are the memories that I will forever hold dear.. My youngest one also is very loving and it's great and super special but there's just something about my oldest almost a teenager catching my eye that lights me up inside... When we get in the car - Kara instantly starts talking about her day...who she played with...what tests and quizzes she took and aced.. and how annoying Jacob is...the boy who sits next to her in class.
Nikki and I will catch each others eyes and kind of chuckle... Kara is the entertainer in the family...always has something going on and something to say... Nikki is my thinker and my dreamer....When I was a kid - I was more like Kara- always in the middle of everything....so it's nice to have a view of the other side...
So today as Kara was telling us a story about her experiences in Chapel, I could tell something was really bothering Nikki... When Kara stopped to catch her breath, I asked Nikki what was wrong... Her eyes welled up and she said that she was afraid to tell me because she did not want to give me any more reasons to disapprove of her friends... I said, "Nikki, you know I will listen to whatever you say and if I can help I will if I can't then maybe we can talk about it"... She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said that her friend - her fellow 7th grader - her fellow 12 year old is having sex...not only is she having sex.. her grandparents took her to lunch today to talk her into having an abortion... Okay...wow...not quite know what to say with this one.....
Then I remembered when I was in 7th grade and the tales that the girls would tell each other.. I remembered one girl in particular that came to school one day bragging about her sex life....bragging that she did it all the time...of course we all believed her...we were in the 7th grade..wanting to be older more worldly....she was lying her socks off.. thank goodness. Of course, I did not realize it until we were much older and I met up with her in college and we laughed about our old Junior High Days.... how we thought we were so cool....
I sat down with Nikki and gave her a very short version of my 7th grade drama... I said chances are your friend is not telling the truth...little things she said about the grandparents taking her out to lunch to talk about an abortion...when she wasn't even pregnant... and other little red flags.. but I said it really doesn't matter if she is telling the truth or not..she is looking for attention... This poor girl's parents are non-existent... She lives with her aunt and sometimes with her grandparents...So my advise was to just show love...don't talk about her sex life..talk about the classes you have together, a book you like, American Idol, or anything else you have in common....But please don't buy into this sex thing... if it's true than her grandparents and aunt can help her...but honey you're a kid..just love her like Jesus wants you to love her..but...
If she comes to school with more tragic experiences..than you need to realize that she is definitely telling stories for the wrong kind of attention... so please don't play into that..give her positive loving twelve year old and 7th grade attention... I think you'll be happy you did and I think she will realize she likes your kind of attention better...
It is amazing to me how many flashbacks I am getting with my 7th grade daughter.. Being in junior high is tough and I would not personally repeat it for anything..but I am visiting it again through the eyes of my loved one.....

I'm Just Not Cool Anymore...

I love my kids... I really do.. but that did not stop me from doing the "They're going back to school dance" this morning.. My kids were driving me nuts!! The tattling, the I'm bored, the can I play on your computer (while I'm working on it), and the music.. the loud loud music..... When I was a kid - music was good... The Bee Gees, Adam Ant, and The Police.. you could understand the lyrics and you could sing a long... But with this new hip hop and who ever heard of Lady Ga Ga.....I can't understand a word.. am I sounding like my mother...you betcha...
Today, I realized I'm not cool anymore.. I had the bad judgment to pick up my kids from school without any makeup on and my hair piled on top with a clip.. The look of horror on my oldest kid's face..wish I had a camera! Today in Southern California it was 107 degrees... You could not pay me enough to put on makeup and style my hair....as the wicked witch in the Wizard Oz said.."I'm melting......
While my oldest acted like she did not know me... my youngest came up to me and gave me a fish face kiss and said, "I love you, Mommy".. That just made my day! So, I'm thinking I'm still cool for maybe another two more years with my eleven year old....at least I hope so.

Patience With My Daughter...

Patience... an action that I am becoming more familiar with everyday... Patience with my preteen daughter who will turn 13 years old in a couple of months... She is twelve years old and thinks she has the right to talk back, wear masses amount of eyeliner, hang out with her friends when there are no adults present, and do what she wants when she wants too.... I as her Mother have become old fashioned, dumb, and someone who has no clue about the "real" world...
What amazes me the most is that she believes what everyone else tells her except for me! Today, I decided as a surprise to go by Taco Bell on the way home from church... Taco Bell has always been her favorite thus my decision to go there.. We get into line and all of sudden she tells me that she doesn't like Taco Bell...my first reaction is huh....? Why I ask... "Well they freeze their meat and you have no idea how long it's been frozen" "That's your answer to why you don't like Taco Bell any longer?" I ask.. "Well, yeah.. Mr. Jackson said a friend of his used to work there and that's what he said so...." This is just an example..
She was really into the book series The Uglys... she begged and pleaded for me to buy them for her... all of a sudden she no longer likes the books... and I ask her why.. You know what her answer was....Oh my friend Taylor said she didn't like them.. but my question was do you like them??? Well, I did but Taylor doesn't so...
The same thing is happening with her choice of music, her clothes, and what she likes on television.... My daughter no longer believes I know anything.... and she follows whoever is the leader that week.... IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!
I know that this is all a part of growing up and becoming her own person... I know that we all went through our own personal growth during our teen years... Now I understand when my mom would say one day you were an angel and the next day you Satan... Ok, Mom... I understand now.
So, Lord please hold my hand through this time of my daughter's life and give me the strength not to go crazy...Give me the right words of wisdom to share and help me to be the mom I need to be...Help Nikki to make the right decisions and learn from her mistakes...I know she needs to make them and that I cannot protect her against everything..but please help me to be there when she falls and when she fails..and when she exceeds on her own....

The Ignorance of Adoption...

When I was a really young girl...maybe 8 or 9.. there were these two boys that lived down the street from me. Both of the boys were adopted. They were birth brothers who had been in the foster care system since they were babies...their birth mother was a drug addict who would not give them up until they were about 8 years old. So these poor guys lived their first years of life not knowing where they would be the next day... the next minute for that matter. When I was much older, I learned that both of the boys had been severely abused.. as a young kid myself in those days.. I had no idea what abuse was..
I would play with these two boys almost every day. We would build forts and play hide and seek...we were friends.. We would hang out at each others houses. We had a lot of fun..until the fight... I don't remember what started the fight but one of the boys said something nasty about my parents...and my family...Well, I attacked back with something to this day..makes me sick to my stomach.. I said "Well, at least my parents loved me and did not throw me away like yours did..." That awful statement came out of my own mouth when I was nine years old.... Today, I am 43 and I am still ashamed of the child (me) who said that... Both the boys ran home and I never played with them again... About a week after the incident their adoptive mother was out walking her dogs..she walked up to me in my front yard.. In a very shaky voice she asked to talk with me.... She said, "How dare you say those things to my sons... how dare you... you are an awful awful child...and your parents must be so ashamed of you" and then she walked away.. I did not say a word.. I hung my head in shame....
Today, I am the mother of two adopted daughters. Both of my daughters did not have to face the world of foster care.. They were both adopted at birth.... Nikki my oldest daughter came home from school a couple of years ago and told me that a friend of hers said that her 'real' mom did not want her and that I was her pretend mom.... I had a major flash back to my comment so many years ago to those little boys and I tried to find the words to explain to my daughter that she was special and loved by so many... I know that God taught me a lesson I needed to learn from what happened so many years ago..
I look at my beautiful girls everyday and thank God for blessing me with motherhood. My daughters will run across people who are ignorant about adoption and the major love it entails from the birth mother who made the decision to give her baby away to parents that adopted them and how their worlds came together to love a child...unconditionally....

Taking A Shower...

I am a naturally very lazy person. If I could stay in bed until noon..I would. If I could stay in my sweats, tee shirt, and fuzzy slippers...you betcha I would...But I don't...why because it's not the right thing to do. A typical week day for me is getting up at 6:45 am, start yelling at the kids to get up, dressed, and brush their teeth... at 7:00 am, I am threatening the kids with loss of privileges to get out of bed. get dressed, and brush their teeth....and DON'T FORGET TO MAKE YOUR BED!!!! The girls finally make it down stairs around 7:25 am to have a fast breakfast and run out the door by 7:45 am to make it to school in time... During this time, I am making their lunches, feeding the dog and letting her go outside, and gathering their school stuff to get ready to go into the car. Most times my husband can take the girls to school which is real nice.
At 8:00 am I am in my (home) office starting my day. It really bugs my husband that I usually don't take a shower in the morning... I usually wait until lunch time... Mostly because in the mortgage industry the important things....happen in the morning and I need to be available and not singing in the shower... In between phone calls and processing, I can usually throw a load of laundry in the wash, make beds, clean around the house, and get dinner going....lately, I am lucky if I have time to make my bed...it's been crazy.. Don't get me wrong, I am one of those people that thrives on doing fifty things at once... I guess I am weird because the more things I have on my plate..the more productive I become.... okay the house may not be as clean as I would like and the bed might be messy....but you moms out there - you get it...
I think that when God was making moms - He knew He would have to give her the ability to walk, talk, jump, run, laugh, cry, juggle, sleep, and hug ALL AT THE SAME TIME.... That is our spiritual gifts - the ability to do and be what our kids and husbands need.
I want to share with you something that happened yesterday and how blessed I feel today. Yesterday, I needed to go to the hospital to see an old friend. It was a last minute thing and I had no time to find a sitter for my kids. While driving to the hospital I told the girls that they will have to stay in the downstairs lobby... they can read their book or listen to their iPods.. I told them it's very safe and I wouldn't be long... minutes before I arrived at the hospital there was a shooting in the lobby and two people were shot and killed.... If I had not taken the shower I almost did not take...but felt that I needed too... my kids would have been in that lobby....without me... The thought of my babies witnessing something so horrific just makes my blood run cold....
I am so thankful to God right now...for sparing my kids that trauma.. for loving me so much that he made me want to take that shower...funny thing was I wasn't even dirty...I had just taken a shower the night before

Life and Death with Old Friends

This morning I received a phone call from a very old and dear friend. His name is Freddie. I have known Freddie his parents Carlos Sr. and Maria and his four brothers Carlos Jr., Wolhan, Johnny, and Christian my entire life. His parents were my second set of parents when I was a very young child... They are originally from Guatemala and still have the wonderful accent of their native country....forty years later. This family is so very precious to me.
Last summer when my father was dying, I was trying to track down Carlos and Maria to let them know my dad had only a day or two left. I called their son, Wolhan who lives in Northern California to ask him if he knew where I could find them.. Wolhan laughed and said that they had just walked through door from the airport. His parents had just arrived for an extended visit. Loving my parents as they do, Carlos and Maria jumped in the car and were at my dad's bedside within two hours... Our parents' relationship are one of those great stories of true friendship. They met in the late sixties.. The Ovalle family had just moved to America from Guatemala.. the language barrier did not affect this friendship or all the kids from becoming close friends. Five boys and three girls all of us close in age and high in adventure! We were poor in those days.. but as kids it did not matter...we didn't know we were poor....We just lived each day the best we could and enjoyed our days of young freedom... One story Carlos Jr. shared with us a month or so ago was our first Thanksgiving together... Our families had just met and we were all sitting at the dinner tables. The adults at one table and the kids at another table. Everyone was quiet and on their best behavior....until my sister Debbie flipped a spoonful of mashed potatoes at the boys thus created the "Thanksgiving Day Food Fight".... Carlos Jr. said that was a happy memory...
Through the years, we all drifted apart. Each of us starting our own families and careers...but we know that we are there for each other.....They were there when my dad died. They were there for my mom...
Well, Freddie's call this morning was to let me know that Maria is in the hospital with kidney cancer and that it has spread.. He said that Maria wants to see my mom... My mom recently cracked her pelvis and is unable to drive so I told Freddie that we will be there right away.. As I was heading up with my mom to the hospital, we learned there had been a shooting in the hospital and two people were shot! When we got to the hospital it was in complete lock down...No one going in and no one going out...
We waited for a little over two hours and then I took my mom home. I am waiting for the call so that we can return and let Maria know how much we love her.... Let Carlos Sr, Carlos Jr., Wolhan, Freddie, Johnny, and Christian know that we are family and we will ALWAYS be there....

Please pray for my friends.. Please pray for Maria. Thank you.

Don't Go Hurting My Kid....

There are not many things in this world that makes me more upset than seeing my daughter hurt by some snot nosed brats ( a mother and daughter team to be exact)! My Mama Bear is just flying out... Thankfully, my kid isn't here right now to see me. She is one of those people that has a human barometer on how people feel. She always knows when I am sad - even when I think I am being so good at hiding it.
Well here's the scoop. This week is Easter vacation for my kids. My twelve year old (the victim) was very excited about having her friend Rosalind spend the night. You see Nikki, my kid, is pretty shy when it comes to making friends so a sleep over for her is pretty much a big deal in her book. She cleaned her room, picked out some good movies, had me get the "right" snacks, and picked out the "perfect" outfit to wear. Well Monday it did not happen, Tuesday it did not happen, and today finally the mother calls me and wants her other daughter to come too. Her other daughter is ten years old. She is in my youngest kid's class and my kid cannot stand her. You know the kind of kid who is always yelling, jumping up and down, and can drive a sane person crazy in two minutes...I told the mom that Kara - my youngest kid, just had a friend over for two nights and is really tired and is planning to sleep tonight (very true - I will not tell a lie, even if I wanted too)well...the mom starts hemming and hawing and says she'll call back after she checks to see if Rosalind has other plans.. does that make sense to you???? First off, why would the mother be calling me if Rosalind wasn't free and secondly what twelve year old makes plans without their mom knowing it???
The mom does not call me back...so I called and asked if Rosalind was coming over so I could order pizza for the kids....Oh the mom says, Rosalind is going to her dad's house tonight..I should have called you, she says... I know this to be a big fat lie... My last conversation with this particular mom - she said that the kids' dad never sees them... so all of a sudden the kid is going to her dad's.. I wish that was the case but I could almost guarantee that the mom just wanted her kids out of her hair tonight... As for the reason, I'm mad at the snot nosed kid...she never not once returned my kids phone calls. Rosalind has her own cell phone attached to her ear and texting fingers at all times so not having a phone is not an acceptable excuse. My kid has been hanging on a limb all week, not wanting to leave the house in case this girl calls.. I hate seeing my kid get hurt..okay, Lord , please give me a forgiving heart right now - okay, I am breathing in and out....

The Love Dare Day 40

Today is Day 40 of The Love Dare. It's been a wonderful adventure. Tonight I told my husband that my 40 days are up and that tomorrow I will revert to be my "old self" his answer was..It's the Four hundred day love dare....didn't you know??? I asked him if he sees a difference and he said he sees a big difference. I told him I loved him again...I know he isn't quite where I am due to the fact, I that he was the recipient of years and years of negative and hateful behavior from me... I know that it will take time to heal his wounded heart. I am thankful that he has forgiven me and he wants our marriage to be strong... I know it is possible to love and forgive through the pain.
Today I was to write new marriage vows.. I think it would be better to wait. Wait until Dusty's pain is completely gone. Wait until we can do it up right. I went into this Love Dare with high hopes but in the back of my mind thinking no way would it work...We were doing that bad! But praise God... I have a husband, I love again and there is peace in the family...of course it's not perfect...nothing here on Earth is ...but for us it might as well be...
I have learned to lead my heart. Whatever you pour time, money, and energy into will draw your heart. This was true before Dusty and I were married. We wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple, and our heart followed. Somewhere along the way, I stopped investing in Dusty..investing in us. Now that I have learned the basic tools to my heart/mind. I have also learned that loving is a choice... and I choose Love.
Proverbs 23:19 Direct your heart in the way.

The Love Dare Day 39

Well this has definitely been a journey for us. We are closer, more understanding, and more tolerant....most of the time.. Today was a difficult day because I had a long work day..still do. I am thankful that I am able to run a business out of my home and still take care of my growing girls. I am able to do a little house work in between calls and assignments on most days...not today though.
With the kids home on Spring Break and work taking over my day today, I just did not have time to go to the market or the post office which I originally planned to do. Dusty asked me if I was able to do those things and I said I was just too busy but will do it tomorrow...he became very frustrated...not so much because I couldn't make it...he just did not want to hear why...a yes or no answer is what he was looking for. It frustrates me when he cuts me off... I now know he isn't trying to be a butthead...it just sometimes happens.. I did point it out to him and he did apologize and showed interest in my day. We are both a work in progress and even the most happiest marriages..the spouses get irritated. I think I am also hypersensitive because I feel that I have to be perfect.. No else expects perfection..but I do. Today was just one of those days that I had twenty balls in the air and hoping and praying that I won't drop one.. so I'll go to the post office tomorrow and I just made a late night run to the market...
Today, I was to write a love letter to Dusty. I have not written it yet because...well you know..the balls.. in the air.. What I do want to say to Dusty is that, I am ALL IN. My heart, my mind, and my soul is all in this marriage. I am ready to spend the rest of my life loving him the way he deserves. I look forward to spending the next twenty years of our life together showing him just how much he means to me.
Tomorrow's Love Dare is write out new wedding vows. This will be my 40th day. Until then...

The Love Dare 38

Today I was to commit to pray for desires that Dusty wants to obtain. One thing that is great about our marriage is that we have many of the same goals. We want to raise our children to be respectable and responsible adults. We want to payoff our home sooner rather than later. We want to be able to live our retirement life (many years from now)comfortably. We want to be happy and share time together. It's amazing that I said the last comment isn't it? Thirty-eight days ago, I was all for separate vacations, separate bedrooms, and basically a separate life....that has changed.
Today, I spoke with a dear friend of mine who's relationship is very similar to the one Dusty and I shared... She told me today that she just wants out but she has seen the changes in Dusty and I. She said it is very obvious..... I know that she can do it too... Nothing is impossible with God...NOTHING... I can honestly say that I am a living testament of that.
Romans 5:8 "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us"
One of the things that was lacking in our marriage was respect. Respect for each other but mostly my respect towards Dusty. I think all Dusty really wanted from me was to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children. To show him the respect that he deserves. I chose for many years not to do that. I would put him down and say the awful things to him in front of the kids.. and my kids started showing disrespect to him...because of me... I know God has forgiven me and I know Dusty is working on it...I have told my daughters how wrong I was and that I wasn't right with God then but now I am... Now I see my daughters respecting their dad exactly how God intended and this is good.. very good.
The Love Dare says the following which is something I need to always remember.
Love calls you to listen to what Dusty is saying and hoping for..
Love calls you to remember the things that are unique in our relationship, the pleasures, and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other's face.
Love calls you to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
And love calls you to daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become mine as well.
It is hard to believe my journey in the Love Dare book is almost done...My journey with Dusty has only begun....
The Love Dare for tomorrow is to write a love/commitment letter to Dusty...until then.

The Love Dare Days 35, 36, & 37

I need to combine a few days together. We took a short trip to the mountains to celebrate Easter break. Unfortunately, Dusty is still suffering from gout so we cut our trip a little short so that we could go to urgent care...Thankfully, the doctor gave him to shots on his bum and gave him a new prescription and as if this writing six hours later...he is a new man! Praise praise praise.
Usually when we drive up the mountain I am a nervous wreck! I feel like Dusty is playing pole position in an arcade the way he take those corners...Typically, I would be screaming my head off and telling him to slow down and he's putting our lives in danger..but this time..I bit my lip going up there..not so bad..coming back that's another story. It snowed on Friday (it was beautiful) and today while driving home we hit a cloud bank at about 6000 ft up.. windy roads...10 feet visibility.. and Dusty again playing pole position.... In a nice loving and calm voice, I asked him to please slow down and that I was frightened.. Not because he's a bad driver but because of the other maniacs on the road..(good one, huh).. No seriously he is an excellent driver and he did slow down for my piece of mind.
Now getting to the love dares...Day 35 was to find a mentor. I thought our Pastor would be an excellent choice and I mentioned it to Dusty and he thinks at this time we are really doing well (isn't that amazing...) and let's just keep practicing the tools that "we" are learning...I love the fact it's a "we" and an "us" and not just an "I" anymore! I do agree with Dusty on this.
Love Dare Day 36 I was to make a commitment to read the Bible or find a devotional book that will give me guidance. I have my devotionals that I read from time to time and I want to find something that will interest Dusty and give it to him as a gift.. and let him know it would be great if we could do our devotions or Bible readings together.... This is a tough one. Both Dusty and I love to read suspenseful fiction books and sometimes in all honesty that takes priority (not saying that is right)when we actually find time to read.... Like most parents time is always tight.
Love Dare Day 37 was to ask Dusty if we can begin praying together.. This is also difficult. I pray throughout the day and I believe Dusty does too. But to pray together (excluding meal time) is something we have never done... Tonight, I will ask Dusty to pray with me...
This has been an incredible journey for me, Dusty, and our kids. I am falling in love all over again..This is a big deal and to top it off my temper hasn't reared its ugly head in 37 days and I have no desire to rear it!
Tomorrow's love dare is to pray for something Dusty wants.

The Love Dare Day 34

Today I was to point out a recent example when Dusty had demonstrated Christian character. I have to be honest that Dusty's parents raised him right. Going to Church every Sunday was something you did...There was never an "if" we're going to Church it was a which service do we want to go too? I remember when we were dating and he would call me around 10 am on a Sunday morning. Sunday's were my "sleeping in" mornings. I was recovering from my night out with the girls the previous night.... He would always sound very chipper on these Sunday morning wake up calls and I would always ask why are you calling me soooo early? His reply each time was get out of bed, I've already been to Church. Let's go do something. Funny thing is that, one of the reasons I fell in love with Dusty was because he was a good boy who went to Church.... I was a Christian too but I chose not to walk the walk. I was young and my priorities were not where they should have been...Dusty helped me to straighten that out.
I have a woman's Bible study I attend on Sunday nights. This past Sunday, I just did not want to go...I wanted to lay down on the couch and be a potato... Dusty reminded me that I agreed to be a "table leader" and it was my responsibility to myself and to my group that I be there.. I am so glad I went. God just totally blessed me that night. The study was about taking the pain of others to glorify God...it was a powerful night.. When I came home that night, Dusty was in extreme pain with his gout - he had a sudden flare up. I prayed to help elevate the pain and it did not go away...he suffered for a few more days....But my attitude and prayer process was different.. I know I emotionally felt his pain and tried to find answers. When Dusty is in pain..he reminds me of a dog that snaps at his owner when he is hurt...Dusty tends to be very snappy when he hurts and for the first time...I did not take it personally... I understood.
Tonight when dinner is done and we are cuddling on the couch...I'm going tell him that he is a good man and that is a great example of what a good Christian husband should be and that I love him.....
Tomorrow's Love dare Find a marriage mentor.....and I know just who to call....

The Love Dare Day 33

I can hardly believe that there is only seven more days left of my love dare. I can say it has honestly changed my life. I also know that the tools and love I have learned will not stop on the 41st day. This is a continuing and all enduring love relationship. By the way, Love Dare Day 32 had to be postponed... My poor husband came down with a fierce case of gout. Last night he was debating whether to cut off his big toe... If you want to see a tough grown man weep tears of pain then watch a man inflicted with this horrible painful inflection... His big toe is red and looks to be twice the size than normal.. Today, he said his pain level is about a five..we'll see. Last night off the scale..

Today's love dare is to recognize that Dusty is an integral to my future success and to let him know today that I desire to include him in my upcoming decisions... Again, I am already practicing this... I find it so awesome that when you learn to unconditionally love your spouse things like this love dare just happen...

For the first time in years, we are making plans together... talking and planning the future...wanting to be together...This is all new territory... for us and even though it is starting to come up naturally it still surprises me that it is happening.. All things are possible.. the song just keeps playing in my head and We Have An Awesome God....

Tomorrow's Love Dare find a specific and recent example when Dusty demonstrate Christian character in a noticeable way..until then....

Top Ten Reasons I Love Dusty

10. He Does Not Snore

9. He Golfs Often Giving Me My "Quiet Time"

8. He Knows How To Do Laundry And Does It Often

7. He Notices The Little Things

6. He Gives Me Freedom To Spend Time With Family Or Friends

5. He Loves Spending Time With Me...Just Because

4. He Loves Our Kids And Knows How To Show It.

3. I Am His Priority....as he is mine...

2. He Loves Christ With All Of His Heart

1. Because He Loves Me..

The Love Dare Days 30 and 31

Today's and yesterday's love dares talk about isolating an area that is causing division in my marriage and look for a fresh opportunity to pray about it and today, I was to commit myself to make my marriage a top priority over every other human relationship.
What's cool about this is that I have already done this in the last thirty one days. Every day, I have prioritized my marriage and God. I have worked on breaking down the barriers that prevented me from loving Dusty and putting him first. I think this dare is already done when you decide to love your spouse unconditionally...
Day 30 of 'The Love Dare' states that Love brings unity... Unity, Togetherness, Oneness. In the unique relationship of husband and wife, two distinct individuals are spiritually united into "one flesh" And what God has joined together, let no man separate...I have learned to love and honor Dusty...I believe this is an ongoing commitment that I will need to commit to and practice and pray for.

Day 31 talks about how marriage changes everything. We leave our parents' home and create a brand new one. That is why couple who don't take this "leaving" and "cleaving" message to heart will reap consequences down the line.. Leaving means breaking away from your natural ties (parents) and cleaving means to cling to your spouse (in this context) as your new rock of refuge and safety. What has always been good about our marriage is that we never allowed outside influences to dictate our marriage. By that I mean..his parents or my parents never created issues... Our decisions were our own..Dusty may have sought advise from his parents' wisdom..but we made our decisions based on us..His previous family traditions and my previous family traditions have been combined and made to work for everyone. We have created our "own" family traditions...
Tomorrow's love dare is to initiate sex...hmmm I think I might just skip the blog on this one...remember folks this is a family friendly site...

The Love Dare Day 29

Today I was to pray for Dusty and say I love you and show to him I love him in some tangible way.. I am learning to love Dusty...some days it is hard to let things go and not go back to my old ways of arguing. There are some instances that he can be so arrogant and condensing that I just want to scream...but I have learned to count to ten...say a quick prayer for control of my mouth and my actions..God I have discover is so much in control that it is awe inspiring... When I practice my God given control, Dusty is surprised.
Dusty knows when he is being a butthead...and when I don't explode, he comes to me and thanks me for my attitude...and for not yelling. I think Dusty is working on his tendency to be sarcastic and arrogant...I'm seeing less of it...but time to time it still rears its ugly head. I can change how I react to him....I keep repeating that to myself.
Today was one of those days when his arrogance and sarcasm came to the surface..All it was really was a miscommunication and I had to let it go. I am glad we were on the phone...and not face to face...it gave me the chance to just give it to God.. By the time he made it home...I was better and he did apologize and I didn't have to say a thing...he did it on his own. See this biting my tongue is working.. I might need to see the dentist soon..just kidding.
From the The Love Dare Day 29, "It doesn't take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love. In fact, many times they will de-motivate it....But when God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed. The love that's demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate's sweetness or suitability . The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity."
Basically when he is being arrogant, sarcastic, and basically a butthead, I need to love him anyway. I can't base my love on what he does or doesn't do. With that said..my marriage has changed for the better and I am excited on what's to come...We are making plans again..first time in years. Plans for the two of us to do something fun and romantic..yes romantic imagine that..miracles do happen.
I have found that saying "I love you" has become much easier to say..It's becoming natural.. Dusty may not repeat it back each time...but his actions are speaking it loud and clear. I pray and I pray and I say Dusty's name...I pray for Dusty's needs to be filled and that they may glorify God. I pray for us to have patience and peace with each other and I pray mostly to be the wife that God intended me to be.
Tomorrow's love dare is to isolate one area of division in my marriage and pray for clarity...until then

Dusty is Gone Tonight - The Story of Us

The Love Dare Day 28

Today I was to make a sacrifice for Dusty big or small and to find something he needs done and to do it for him..
Today I remembered one of the very reasons I fell in love with Dusty. His sense of humor. Before we started dating we used to talk on the phone for hours. I fell in love with Dusty during those marathon gab sessions because he made me laugh. I would laugh so hard, I would start to cry... You know that kind of laugh...the kind that makes you happy and in love.. So today was April the first, to most it's the first day of April..to Dusty it's April Fool's Day "The Holiday". He is like a ten year old boy when it comes to pulling the ultimate prank...he got me good.. I was getting ready to take the kids to school and I went to my not so neat closet where all my shoes are in a huge pile... I need to organize.....but anyways. I started looking for easy slip ons. I found 3 left loafers... I couldn't find any matches so I get down on my bottom just searching for anything to put on my feet.... cleared out the entire closet only to find that Dusty took ALL my right shoes....and hid them!!! Finally after much searching I did find them in buckets hidden in the game room.. What is special about this story is that for the past few years he had not pulled a real prank on me...because I was so explosive he did not know how I would react.....My poor guy lived in fear of me...now we're getting back to basics and appreciating what we had before...what an awesome gift..
So back to the love dare.. Today was hectic. I run a contract loan processing business and I have been spending a lot of time working with loan officers on current files and promoting my business to gain more clients... In addition to my work load, I take care of our home and pick up our kids from school, take them to their extra activities, pick them up, take them home, help with homework, make dinner, and go back to work.... this is how it has been for a while now. Dusty also works very hard. He's up at the crack of dawn and is home after it gets dark and he travels a lot. He has provided all my needs and has never not once complained...
Dusty has a watch that he has been meaning to get a battery for... it's one of his favorite watches. I am taking a break and getting a battery for him... Not a huge sacrifice, I know...but it doesn't have to be...this will make Dusty happy....
Tomorrow's Love Dare is to cover Dusty in prayer by name and to say I love you by words and in a tangible way. Until then....