The Love Dare Day 27

Today I was to let go of unrealistic expectations. I have learned in this study and outside influences (when God wants you to learn something...it comes from everywhere)that men and women are just plain different.. Example: I see that there is laundry that needs to be put away.. Dusty walks around it and doesn't notice it... Before I just thought he was being lazy..but you know what? He just doesn't see it. If I asked him to put the laundry away...no problem he picks it up and away it goes..
God designed us so very differently. Women were created to be the caregivers. Our job, no our responsibility is to take care of our children and yes to take care of our husbands. Haven't you noticed that when our husbands get sick, they become complete babies? And they expect us to take care of them....But when we become sick...it's just one more thing we as woman need to take care of. Are our husbands becoming uncaring? I used to think so...but you know what..they just can't read our minds...they won't know how bad we feel unless we TELL them..They can't interpret our one million hints....they just don't get it..... Many times because Dusty just didn't get it...I assumed he did not care.....my mistake..
I had unrealistic expectations... I expected him to think like a woman....I set him up for failure and I did not know it... I lived most of my married life in constant disappointment... wondering why he did not care?
I want my married life to be a place where we can enjoy free expression and feel save if we fail.. There are so many times that I have put Dusty down and made him feel horrible because of the expectations I had created for him.. Today with my words and my actions, I am making a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become Dusty's greatest encourager.
Tomorrow's dare is to meet a need of Dusty's. Until then.....

The Love Dare Day 26

Today I was to humble myself and ask for forgiveness from God and from Dusty. It is not hard to humble myself before God because I know that He has already forgiven me. It's the asking for forgiveness from Dusty..that is hard. To put myself out there for rejection or disbelief....
I did tell Dusty today that I am so sorry for the horrible words I have said..things that a wife should never say..things no one should ever say. I told Dusty I was sorry for not being the wife he deserves... He said that he likes the way I have been but he is concerned that it will only last the forty days.... He has a right to be concerned. I asked him for forgiveness and he said he would work on it. I think only in movies does the husband jump up and say "yes, I forgive everything, let's start all over!" It's human nature, I believe to take time to forgive... I should know, I've been the queen of the unforgiving...
I am glad I put it out there.... I am also looking forward to proving to Dusty that this is not just a "forty day" thing. This is a lifetime thing. This is a I need to get on my knees and pray kinda thing. I can not do this with Him...
Today was about personal responsibility. My responsibility to own up for the wrong doings I have done against Dusty..and not to make excuses... Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front...

Tomorrow's Dare is to eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in my home

The Love Dare Days 24 and 25

The last two days I was to end any object of lust in my life and to forgive Dusty of things that I had not forgiven yet. The lust part is easy. There is not anything that I lust for. I am very content in that respect. I don't covet what others have nor am I interested in any other man than Dusty. I am blessed.

The forgiveness part of this is very hard. I have been holding out on forgiving Dusty for things that happened fifteen to twenty years ago. I had said I had forgiven him but many times when we argued I would bring them up... That right there shows I had not forgiven him. In the past weeks, I knew that this day would come. I don't know why I felt comfort in holding these things against Dusty...maybe if I pointed the finger at him long enough and often enough, my own failings would not stand out so much....maybe...

From this day forward, I will not bring up past mistakes. I will resolve to forgive Dusty.... I believe the only way for Dusty to forgive me for all the crap I have said and done against him (and believe me there is a lot), I need to forgive him. The only way for God to forgive me is for me to forgive others...

Isn't it funny how when you are seeking God for answers....something or someone just pops up. A week or so ago, I was thinking about how to forgive Dusty. I felt that his transgressions against me were far worse than mine against him.....Who was I kidding..... certainly not God. In Sunday school, out of the blue we started talking about Jesus' parable about the ungrateful servant. A man owed his master a great amount of money.. He went to his master and pleaded for him to forgive the debt. The master forgave the debt. Immediately following this, the same servant went to a man who owed him money. This man pleaded with him to forgive the debt. The servant did not forgive it as his master had forgiven his and had the man was thrown in jail.. The Master heard of this and became very angry that the servant he had forgiven. The master in his anger handed the servant over to the jailers.

I had expected forgiveness but I was not willing to give it... The parable put my thinking into perspective...

Today's dare is for me to pray through my wrong doings and admit them to Dusty and ask for forgiveness. This one is a hard one... To put myself out there.....Until then

The Love Dare Day 23

Today's love dare was to remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
When I first read this dare, I thought to myself that's easy... I don't have any harmful addictions... I don't want to fool around with someone other than Dusty.. I don't watch porn via Internet or TV, and I don't hang out with friends who tear down my marriage..... So I'm basically perfect in this area...wrong...
The Title for today's love dare is Love always protects... I did not protect Dusty vulnerability. Whenever I felt slighted or wanted the upper hand consciously or subconscious I would say something about Dusty that would expose his vulnerable side. By that I mean, I would expose something he said or did that I am sure he did not want the public to know...it would have been embarrassing.. But I would open my big mouth and just blurt it out.. wanting to put him down... wanting people to understand just how hard I have it....I didn't need someone to undermine my marriage.. I was doing it all by myself... I needed to protect Dusty and I didn't. I tore him down every chance I had. I should have Kept his vulnerability and secrets as if they were mine. Love hides the fault of others. It covers their shame, embarrassment..things that others outside of our marriage need not know. Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands".. I've been foolish. I will lift up Dusty to others and never tear him down again..
Tomorrow's Love Dare is to identify every object of lust in my life and remove it..

The Love Dare Day 22

Today I told my husband, "I love you." What is incredible about that sentence is that three weeks ago you couldn't pay me enough to say those three words...much more mean them...I have learned that loving someone is a choice. You have read that statement in many of my previous blogs and I will repeat it..It's a CHOICE.... I have learned something else... I have become lovable to Dusty because I have shown him love when he deserved it and when he didn't...Luke 6:35 "Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men"
I have a friend who is going through a divorce right now. When I asked him why... his reply was that she cheated on me..she'd been cheating on me for years...A few weeks ago, I would have said, "I don't blame you" Today, I prayed for him and his wife. I prayed for hope, wisdom, and the "want" to love again.. The Love Dare talks about a true story of Hosea.
God told Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer. They married and had three children, soon after Gomer was not happy staying faithful to one man so she left and Hosea had to deal with the shame....he had loved her but she turned her back on his love...she mocked his love.. Time went by and God told Hosea to go find Gomer and reaffirm his love for her. By this time, she had become a slave and Hosea bought her and brought her home. Yes, she was awful with his love.. But he welcomed her back into his life, expressing an unconditional love... Unconditional doesn't mean if she doesn't love me back..I'm out of here. It means no matter what I am here.. This story of Hosea and Gomer is an illustration of God's love for us. We have rejected Him in so many ways..even after receiving His gift of eternal salvation and yet...He still love us..He still loves me... He still loves you.. He is faithful even when we are not..
I told a friend today how easy this unconditional love can be..I think she just might try it out....If I can learn after 20 years of marriage. Anyone can...
Tomorrow's Love Dare is to remove any thing that is hindering our relationship. until then...

The Love Dare Day 21

Today I was to get into God's word.. to immerse myself in the love and promises God has for me. I was to read Proverbs (my fortune cookie wisdom) or one of the Gospels and pray. It's amazes me how centered I get when I put myself in God's hands. I have heard the phrase to die to self many times and I just didn't get it...I'm getting it now. It basically means to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. To walk towards giving unconditional love to others and getting off the "it's all about me planet" Giving Dusty unconditional love is walking in the Spirit....I can't walk in the Spirit without getting into God love letter to me...
I decided today to read Proverbs Chapter One. The Beginning of Knowledge and The Call of Wisdom. The gist of the chapter is a person develops discipline in life by applying words of insight. It also points out to stay away from evil. In wisdom I can stay away from evil and understand God's word. Whoever listens to God will dwell safely.
Today marked three weeks. Three wholes weeks of no fight.. no tearing each other apart...no negativity on my part..Dusty is right behind me. I'm looking forward to what is to come...Tomorrow I am to let Dusty I Love Him...period whether he loves me or not. Love is a choice not a feeling...until then

Love Dare Day 20

Today is my half way mark in this incredible journey. In my earlier posts I had shared that Dusty and I never talked during the work day because Dusty was in "work mode" and did not like calls....Well, I have to say that the last few days that has changed...If it's not a "Just wanted to check up on you" call then I get the check up email.. I'm feeling loved again....Twenty days ago.. I felt like a roommate.. I can tell Dusty is trying too. I have witnessed him catching himself before the negativity comes out... As I am sure, he has witnessed the same with me... When you cover your spouse in love good things just happen...When you feel loved and when you love you want to do things for the other person....It's not so much a chore but an I want to make them happy feeling.
I have never been an "overly religious person". I was more what you would call a "Sunday Christian". Yes, I believed in Jesus and Yes I believed He died on the cross for my sins... I was kind to others and yelled at my husband at home... During this journey not only brought me closer to Dusty...it's brought me closer to Jesus. Today's love dare chapter is called Love is Jesus Christ. One thing that is points out that I have learned is that God was willing to love me even though I did not deserve it...He was able to see ALL my flaws and imperfections and still choose to love me.. That's unconditional love...That's the kind of love I need to show Dusty...
The past 20 days I have been practicing unconditional love with Dusty. I have chosen to show love when he was not being lovable. I have to be honest, I don't have the romantic love..where I want to jump his bones every hour but you know what I have a feeling that God may have that feeling in the works.. who knows.. after 20 years of marriage we might feel like newlyweds again...wouldn't that be something...For today, I love Dusty and pray to be the wife that will bring him closer to me and to God.....

The Love Dare Day 19

Today I was to look over the previous days and ask God to help me in the areas I need strength and grace. During this journey, I know God has held his hand over my mouth. I also know that He is helping me to have a heart for unconditional love. Am I there yet? I don't know.. If I am not, I am getting close. Only through God can I love unconditionally.
I do know that I am not blind to Dusty's particular ways of talking to me or his "guy ways" but I have become more tolerant. I do pray that he will become more in touch with his "feminine side"...is that asking too much? maybe...
It's funny when I look back to 1986 when I fell in love with him. I loved that he was a guy's guy. He loved sports and playing games. He hasn't changed in that regard. If golf, baseball, basketball, or football is on, you know he'll be watching and there will be no lifetime for women for me that night....
I loved the fact that he was professional in the his attitude and the way he looks at things..kind of that macho I'm taking charge kind of thing....I found that really sexy in 1986....now.. not so much...but like I said I he hasn't changed.
I think over time my priorities had changed. Instead of just me and him. It's me, him, Nikki, and Kara. I'm a mom and a lot of times that meant more to me. I have realized in order to make our family function the way God intended..it needs to be God, Dusty, and then the kids. It's funny how every one's needs are taken care with this simple formula...
Tomorrow's Dare is to trust Christ and to grow closer to him to get closer to Dusty. Until then...

The Love Dare Days 17 and 18

The Dares for today and yesterday were to guard my spouse's secrets and pray. Day 18 was to prepare a dinner just for the two of us. Well, Dusty and I are pretty much what you see is what you get.. There are no secrets to keep from others. That is something that our personalities are similar in.. at least this point in our lives. Maybe when I was in my 20's I may have had some secrets...can't think of any but I'm sure I did. Now that I am in my 40's...why bother?
During my two and half weeks of study, I have discovered that I can laugh at things that would have set me off. For example, Dusty was complaining about paying a monthly alarm bill and having a dog that barks if she sees someone. He said one or the other...the "old" Kelly reaction would be to go off on the reasons, I felt he was being a butt head....But yesterday I found humor in it. I started to laugh and imitate his voice on the matter and you know what?.. Dusty had to laugh too. Instead of the war it could have been..it turned into a tender moment of laughter between the two of us.
Today's dare to make a dinner...well today is Sunday. We have our weekly Bible study Sunday nights that we both enjoy.. But last night...WE HAD DATE NIGHT! We have not had a night where we sat and shared a meal and had an incredible conversation in a really long time. I'm falling in love all over again and I like it....
Tomorrow's love dare is to evaluate my past dares and ask God to give me strength and grace...Until then...

Love Dare Day 16

Today I am to start praying for Dusty's heart. Pray for three specific areas where I desire for God to work in Dusty's life and our marriage. My first thought was only three? I have so many...
I could sit here and give you a list of all the things I want to change but I won't. If you have been reading this blog I am sure you already know what we need. I can not change Dusty. I don't have a magic wand and boom he's my prince charming. He's exactly the man I married 20 years ago. But for the past nineteen and half years I have been trying to change...Isnt' that crazy.. It's frustation at the highest level to try to change someone. It's like trying to change my dog into a cat....It just can't be done! And you know what - there's no guarantee that following this love dare is going to do anything to Dusty's heart....but I can feel mine changing everyday. I can honestly say my heart has grown a larger capacity for tolerance and patience. I can make myself change..with God's help..
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dusty is noticing a difference. I also know that hes testing me to see how I will react to something. Just the little things that would normally get a rise out of me. Asking the same question over and over again because he doesn't like my first answer...that could drive a saint insane...today I didn't let it affect me. And if you thinking did I change my answer....well no I did not.
Today Dusty made sacrifices for me. He flew in from Arizona around 4:30 tonight we had to pick up the kids for tennis at 5:00. Dusty is very anxious to get home to his comfortable surroundings after traveling. But today, he went with me to mom's house. She recently fractured her pelvis and is in a lot of pain. I promised to help her. In addition to that he took me to my favorite restaurant in Long Beach as a surprise. I don't think he would have considered doing that two weeks ago.....
I am not going to say things are easy..because they are not... They are better than before but we do have a long road a head of us.
I know prayer works and know God wants that relationship with me. I also know that He wants Dusty and I to be happy. He just wants me to ask Him and pray to Him to intercede in our marriage. I know God can "fix" Dusty and our marriage more than I can... Who knows maybe it's me that needs more of the fixing...So today, I will start praying for Dusty and our marriage everyday. I will pray with a caring and loving heart.
Tomorrow I am to love in spite of negative issues. Until then

Love Dare Day 15

Today I was to choose a way to show honor and respect to Dusty. Well, Dusty is still out of town but we do talk on the phone. We are talking much more than we used to...I guess we are finding things to say.
Last night around 9:30 pm my daughter Nikki remembered that she had a paper due in her history class the next day. She typed it up on her computer and went to print it and discovered that the inkwell had dried up. Looking at her computer,I noticed that had she did something funky to the settings and it wasn't displaying right. Wouldn't you know it, the computer deleted all her work! Let me remind you American Idol was on and I was waiting for the voting results. So here I was upstairs trying to figure out what went wrong with her paper and trying to fix the printer...then the phone rings and rings and rings...I yelled downstairs for my other daughter to answer it...is she deaf? I am trying to save/find Nikki's paper, figure out why the printer wasn't working, wanting to watch the last 2 minutes of American Idol and now I have a phone call. It's Dusty... Of course he calls right in the middle of a major crisis and I'm yelling at the kids to ANSWER THE PHONE, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE PRINTER, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE COMPUTER.. I really need to work on my Love Dare lessons towards my kids. But God forgive me... I was stressed. Dusty called to ask me to send an email to a friend of his to change something on his pool pick for March Madness....okay 1...2...3... I told Dusty I was in the middle of a major crisis trying to fix Nikki's paper and I'm sure all Dusty heard was blah blah blah...
I do have to admit, I am proud of myself for not hanging up on him..especially when he said I wasn't in the middle of a crisis and to just email his friend. I said could you please do it...(he has email on his blackberry) and he said could you just do this....1...2...3... Okay I said.. Back to Day 1 of the Love Dare - when the only thing you have to say is negative DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL... I said okay...good night and hung up...
I believe my response to last night's challenge was showing honor and respect to Dusty. I honored and respected his wishes. I didn't scream or hang up, which let's be completely honest is in my nature.. God gave me the ability last night to just not say anything... As for Nikki's paper...we had to retype it on my computer which kept us up to past midnight.....and American Idol results...I missed it...
Today I still feel a new love and patience for Dusty..but I guess we all slip from time to time. Tomorrow's love dare is to begin praying for Dusty's heart. Pray for three specific areas where I desire God to work in with his life and our marriage...Until then....

The Love Dare Day 14

Today's love dare was to neglect an activity I would normally do so I can spend quality time with Dusty. Well Dusty being the very busy man he is came home around noon to get ready to fly out to Arizona for the next couple of days. Sometimes I think it's a good thing that he breaks up our time together with travel. It gives us a chance to breathe when things are just not going right. Today, I didn't want him to leave...yes that's right. For many of you who know me, I know that's a shocker...I've been known to break out into song when Dusty leaves town...
Another thing I noticed today is that we are being silly again. Not the I'm going to tinkle you silly but the playing off each other's words silly.. The kind of silly that made me fall in love with him 23 years ago. The kind of silly that healthy married people engage in...
So, to fulfill the love dare portion of my day.... I stopped working (I work from home) to go upstairs and just lay on the bed talking to him when he was packing his things.. I know that's really not a big deal..but in a lot of ways it is. One being that I wanted to spend time with him and two a couple of weeks ago neither one of us wanted to talk...... We've come a long way Baby...
I took Dusty to the airport and yes I got kissed right on the mouth goodbye again...This might be becoming a habit...I like it. To put the cherry on top of the goodbye kiss....he blew me a kiss goodbye also...
I find myself looking forward to pleasing him....On a very cool note...as I was coming home from the Costa Mesa area...I saw our new President Obama's helicopters flying right by me...Boy they were loud...
Tomorrow's Love dare is to show I honor and respect him...until then

Love Dare Day 13

Today's love dare was for us to write down a "fight fair" list. I have to admit, I have NEVER been a fair fighter in my marriage. Over the last thirteen days, I have to say we have not gotten in a fight...Whenever the urge hits me to talk back or use my very sharp tongue to tear him down, I have refrained. The effort isn't as difficult as it once was. I have noticed that Dusty has been much more receptive to me and I think our marriage too. I think he is "happy" with the new me but also very very leery....wondering when or if, I'll lose control.....honestly I have been a walking time bomb for the last twenty years...
In my quest to be always right and always in control, Dusty has put up many walls and I know if it took twenty years for them all to go up, they all won't come tumbling down...yet... I do feel that in some of the walls surrounding Dusty, he has opened a window...not quite a door yet..but a window to feel which way the "Kelly Breeze" is blowing that day.
One thing I have really been working on is acknowledging Dusty when he has done something nice for me....I have to admit, I have been awful in the past... I saw the nice things but I was just to angry to give him the satisfaction of a simple thank you. Looking back on that, I feel shame. Shame on me for being that way... Yesterday, Dusty surprised me and filled up my car...The old Kelly would have ignored it but the new and hopefully improved Kelly called him and left a message thanking him for his kindness. Another thing, Dusty really likes to drive my car...His car is much nicer looking but the it's drinks up the gas..he used to ask me all the time if he could drive my car and I always said no that I needed it. I said this just to be mean. I didn't need the car. He never asks anymore and I know why....rejection doesn't feel good in any form. Well today, he is taking the kids to a ballgame and I offered my car....I could tell that made him happy.. Why was it so hard for me just to say yes in the past....God has put a mirror in front of my face and I just don't like what I've seen...
I love this comment for "The Love Dare", Love helps you install air bags and to set up guardrails in your relationship....
Our Fight Fair List: No Yelling/Screaming... Do not interrupt each other...Let each of us complete our side of the disagreement...Do not bring up past arguments...No threatening divorce (that was my broken record), no putting the other down,no fighting in front of the kids and if we can't come up with a resolution...we wait and visit the conversation another time... This will be tough...my Irish temper can be volatile but hey....I'm learning...
Tomorrow's Love Dare is to purposely neglect an actvity I would normally do to spend quality time with him... Until then....

Love Dare Day 12

Well Dusty came home today and to my surprise I missed him. We hugged at the door when he walked in and we had a long conversation on what happened this weekend. We sat down and listened to each other and we were actually interested. This is a big change from a couple of weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago, I would have become instantly angry without reason that he came home. I would not make him feel comfortable and he would hurry and go to the office. Today, he stayed with me for a couple of hours.. We hugged and kissed just happy to be together again.
Today's love dare was to demonstrate love by willingly choose to give in an area of disagreement between Dusty and I. Kind of funny, how God let me demonstrate this today. Okay, we have a dog. She's is a great dog who sometimes tinkles when she is excited or submissive. Sometimes this great dog will tinkle a little on our couch...... I always clean it super well with dog cleaner and smell pretty stuff and our couch is clean.. she only goes a little..... But Dusty hates her on the couch... He wants her on the floor and we give her lovin for us to go down to her.....
Well after her little tinkle accident this evening, Dusty asked me for probably the one hundredth time can we please have the dog stay off the couch? Even though I love to cuddle with her on the couch, I conceded. I told him okay and I will do my best to keep her off... That was hard because like I said I just love cuddling with her. She likes to climb on lap and sleep while I watch TV.
The dog on the couch has been a constant bone of contention...yes pun intended....So today, I followed the love dare and gave into what Dusty wanted not what I wanted. In the grand scheme of things, who really cares as long as there is peace in my marriage..
"I'm willing to go your way on this one," the argument never had a chance to start... The "old" Kelly would have fought for power.... The follow through may cost me some pride and discomfort, I have made a loving, lasting investment in our marriage.... I always was worried about looking foolish is I did not win the fight.....I never stopped to consider how foolish I looked when I was screaming at the top of my lungs and using words that no one should ever use, just to try to prove a point. That was more foolish than conceding a disagreement...don't you think?
Instead of treating Dusty like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start treating him as my closest and most honored friend... I chose to honor the man I love...my husband Dusty..
I told my pastor the other day that this love dare stuff is pretty good. I've found a patience that I haven't had... I have no doubt that the road ahead can still be a difficult journey....today I am happy...
Tomorrow's dare is to set rules to "fight" by...hmm should be interesting....until then

The Love Dare Day 11

Today's love dare was suppose to be easy... Meet a need for Dusty. He needed a ride to the cruise ship and I gave it to him with sunshine and lollipops.. I could hear Leslie Gore singing in the background..Sunshine lollipops and rainbows...then it changed to You don't own me... Seriously, I had to go back to love dare day 1 and 2.... Love is patient. I had to resolve to show patience and say nothing negative... Try doing that going North on the 405 FWY when your husband is griping about the stopped traffic and wants you to cross over double lines to get into the carpool lane. Mind you, it was 12:00 in the afternoon and the ship doesn't leave until 7:00!!! He just wanted to get there early to relax..... So I held my tongue and waited and waited till every negative word I wanted to say disappeared.. God really has guided me through these days...
After we got off the FWY and neared the Cruise terminal, I saw Dusty begin to lighten up. Dusty relaxing is something you can honestly see happening...
Usually when I drop Dusty off at the airport we say a quick goodbye from the passenger side. No I'll miss you or kiss, just a see ya.... Well today, can you believe it he walked around the car came to my window and kissed me...on the mouth!
The problem with a lot of marriages today is that we treat each other with little or no respect. We act as if the marriage doesn't work...we'll go out and get a new spouse. The truth is God made marriage so that we are a part of each other. Ephesians 5:28 - 29 "Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it."
I can honestly say I am seeing a change. I feel a calmness I haven't felt before. I can't change how Dusty reacts to the traffic or how he feels or sees things. But I can change the way I react to uncomfortable situations. I chose not to yell at Dusty on the 405 today and I feel free and calm.. Remember I got kissed....on the mouth.
Dusty will be out of the country until Monday morning so I will continue my Love Dare then...

Love Dare Day 10

Today's challenge was to do something out of the ordinary for Dusty - something that proves that my love is based on choice and nothing more. Today was the day for "wifely" duties in addition to my twelve hour work day. Thankfully, I work out of my home office so I was able to do six loads of laundry to help Dusty get ready for his Mexican Cruise he is taking without me.... It's an office thing...no worries there...That's one thing I can say is I trust Dusty's faithfulness 100%. I have never doubted it. So back to doing something out of the ordinary. Well laundry is ordinary. Cleaning house, you got it ordinary.. The only thing I could think of was to offer to drive him to the cruise ship...my "old self" would suggest a coworker take him. I think he was surprised that I offered. Another thing I did that was out of the ordinary was when we he got home from work I stopped what I was doing and hugged him.. Granted it was an awkward hug not something we do often anymore...even Kara my daughter gave me a wide eyed look. It's sad to me that my daughters thinks it's strange when I hug or kiss their dad.. They should be used to it... I hoping to change the strange to ordinary...
I think Dusty is starting to realize that there are times when he talks to me in a very condescending way. Today for example, I washed all the laundry and instead noticing that his clean clothes were neatly folded on the couch to go up...he yelled downstairs and said "Didn't you wash any of my clothes" in a very sacrastic way. Instead of yelling at him and calling him a blind idiot I said they are right on the couch would you like me to bring them up? When I brought the clothes upstairs to him.. He apologized without me saying a thing... It's amazing what happens when you don't feed off of someone elses negativity....Things a might be a changin....
Love is unconditional. The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not dtermined by the one being loved but rather the one choosing to love. 1John 4:10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.... I will no longer say "I love your because...." I will now say,"I love you, period!
Tomorrow's love dare is to meet a need for Dusty....until then..

The Love Dare Day 9

I was very excited about today's love dare. Dusty has been away in Sacramento since Monday morning and was coming home tonight. Today's Love dare was to think of a specific way to greet your spouse. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Well a lot has happened since Dusty flew up to Northern California. I had a huge surprise ready for him.
In December we bought an awesome 52 inch screen TV with all the bells and whistles, the only problem was we didn't know how we were going to display it. Hang it or get a cabinet. This subject has been in debate for over ten month, even before we got the TV. Well, we finally agreed on a cabinet and of course the cabinet was on back order.....Two weeks ago the cabinet came in to the warehouse.... The big problem was that we wanted to save a few bucks so instead of paying for set up and delivery, we opted to pick it up.....What the heck were we thinking..... Long story....the two boxes that the cabinet came in has been sitting in our garage and they are so heavy you need a fork lift to lift them up.... I asked our Sunday school teacher and his son if they would help set the cabinet and TV up so when Dusty came home on Wednesday he would be surprise...Thank you, Joel and Ryan!!!!! I had a hard time containing my excitement. I am horrible at keeping my mouth shut...Don't tell me any secrets.. I was good and Dusty was very happy and surprised..... Not the Tom Cruise jumping on the couch excited....but he was jumping up and down inside...
I am a person that loves to share good news with people. If I won $5 in a lottery scratch off and then I walked into a elevator filled with strangers, I'd share my exciting news....that's just me. Something big happened today, something really good for my business... Dusty was getting ready to fly home and I called him on his cell phone to share my great news..... Now you have to understand Dusty. He is the ultimate professional who only is interested in results not want can or should happen. I guess it comes from being a VP of Sales and hearing the reps say things like...they'll buy real soon.... or I have the order I just need the signature...get the picture... so when I told Dusty of my great opportunity it was okay, so how many loans have you closed this month...not a oh my gosh let's plan that Bahamas trip or wow you are just awesome..... so I called my sister and my mom and I got the "wows and that is so great" Women are different than men.....I guess that's why so many relationship books sell.... That's why I'm doing this dare.....I found myself a little bummed, but you know what? I get it.. Now if I really get those 50-60 new loans and if I really fund those loans.... I'm thinking that Dusty will honestly do a Tom Cruise...something to look forward too.... The lesson learned from this dare....Love makes good impressions. Greet one another with a kiss. I need to think about how I greet Dusty when I wake up in the morning, when I come downstairs, when he walks in the door from work, and any other time we see each other. What a difference it would be if I showed Dusty that I am happy to see him... I know when he shows happiness to see me, the world is a little brighter. I think about how I greet my daughters when I pick them up from school. I am happy to see them and we kiss and hug... When I greet Dusty we usually grunt... Love is a choice. So I choose to change my greeting by choosing love....
Love Dare Day 10 is to do something out of the ordinary for Dusty. Something that proves that my love is based on choice and nothing else... until then...

Love Dare Day 8

Today's love dare was to be Dusty's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set my heart on my husband and focus on his achievements. I was to take yesterday's negative list and burn it. Then share with Dusty how glad I am about a success he recently enjoyed.
This dare goes along with praising him and appreciating what he does. Has there been one success lately that I can point out? Not necessarily... I need to keep this challenge in the forefront of my mind. I'm not very quick in pointing out Dusty's successes unless I feel up to it. I don't know if jealousy would be the reason. It might be that I just want to be a brat....okay it's jealousy...
Dusty is probably one of the luckiest people I know. If there's a drawing, you can bet he'll win and the funny thing is Dusty knows it. He expects to win and if he doesn't win it's a shocker. I do have to admit, I am jealous of that. I am usually the person who gets the parking ticket one minute before the expired sign pops up. Yes, I said before... I am the one who gets the weird and unexplained stuff medically and Dusty....well he does have gout on occasion...not jealous of that. It does bother me when he complains and wants attention... Yes, I am working on that....
I find myself waking up wanting to do something loving for Dusty. Today, our daughter won an award for being "Most Christ-like in her Citizenship". We are so proud of her. I called Dusty during the work day and instead of getting the caveman grunts I have become accustom too, he actually had some pep to his voice... He did say he was in the middle of something...and asked if it was an emergency... but the tone was much better. I just said the awards went really well. He replied enthusiastically and said he'd call back as soon as he could to talk. Maybe there is something to this Love Dare stuff... I'm taking pleasure in the little things. Little things grow to be pretty big when finding comfort.
Day 8 of the Love Dare talks about jealousy. It says, when you are married you are suppose to be your spouse's biggest cheerleader and the captain of their fan club. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations. The next statement I found very ironic because this was my life.... He may be enjoying golf on the weekend while I stay at home cleaning the house. He'll come home and boast about shooting a great score and I all feel like doing is shooting him!
Because love is not selfish and puts others first...I will praise Dusty and truly be his cheerleader. A loving wife will be the first to cheer her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths.
I am ready to love.. To be grateful and to destroy that ugly smelling thing called jealousy.
Tomorrow's Love Dare Day #9 is to think of a specific way I'd like to greet my spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for him. Until then....
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Love Dare Day 7 1/2

I am glad that today's Love Dare wasn't a difficult or emotional one, Yeah.... I was to write a list of positive and negative attributes about Dusty. I was to put each list on a separate piece of paper. At some point, I was to thank Dusty for having one of the positive characteristics that I had written down. As you know, yesterday was a difficult day for me. I was not able to do this particular love dare for many reasons. Mainly because Dusty was traveling to Sacramento and I think I was just too raw to write a truly honest list. I also believe that Dusty in his frame of mind would not have heard a positive word I said. So today I took this Dare!
Isn't email a grand thing? Knowing that Dusty doesn't like to take the personal call during the day, I sent an email right to his blackberry so when he is scrolling down his messages - He Will Find Me!
Dusty has many positive attributes: He's a great provider for our family needs. He loves spending time with his kids and makes that a priority. He is probably the smartest person I know and he can play a great game of golf! He is honest, a true friend in need, and he loves Jesus. Like all of us, he does have some negative traits and that is something I will not share. Dusty is a good man..enough said.
I decided to let Dusty know that I appreciate him. I appreciate the fact that he travels so much for business when he would rather enjoy his home. He travels so he can take care of us. I think if he were a single man without a family he probably would be in Hawaii working/playing as a golf pro at one of the big hotels. Because Dusty has a family, he puts on a suit and tie everyday and gets up early to go to work. He has made it possible for me to be fulltime mom if I choose.
I know in my haze of constant anger, I have not told him how thankful I am. Is it my stubborn Irish pride, maybe or I just didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a true compliment. Well I have to change that. Isn't it sad that the person I should be praising and lifting up is the person I tear down the most?
It's time to start thinking differently. It's time to let love lead my thoughts and my focus. It's time to move into Appreciation words and out of the I just don't give a damn words..
Love knows about the negative attributes a spouse has but is chooses not to dwell on it. Dwelling on the negative does no one any good and drains the joy out of a marriage. Today and from now on, I choose to believe the best about Dusty and if Dusty lets me down as I am sure is human nature, I will make every effort to deal with it and move forward focusing on the positive. This is something, I will look in the mirror everyday and tell myself to think positive...think positive....and with God's help it will become a new normal!
Tomorrows love dare is to become Dusty's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To focus on his achievements and burn the negative list I wrote. And to share with Dusty how glad I am about a success he has recently enjoyed. Until then....

The Love Dare Day 7

This has been an emotional day for me. Have you ever been on the brink of tears all day and just hoping that nothing happens to send you over the edge? Today was my day for that. During my recent studies, I have discovered that this could be a good thing. Today a wise friend told me that when you are following the path that God wants you too, bringing you closer to Him, Satan starts putting up roadblocks. Well, ain't that the truth!!
Yesterday's Love Dare was to choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritations. Begin by making a list where I need to add margin to my schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that I need to release from my life. Well, that is deep...
First off, I was still overwhelmed by the fact that Dusty did not let me know the three things that I do that disturbs him.. I did not attack him or nag but my irritation was right at the surface. I was quiet. Not rude or mad quiet, I just did not know what to say. While I was making dinner, I asked Dusty why he didn't answer the questions for me and he became very defensive and said that there was no way he was going to answer the questions because he knows I would start a fight. I promised that I would not and asked him to have faith in me. He had these incredible high walls surrounding him and just refused. Dusty said that if I really want to know what bothers him think about every complaint he has had in the past 20 years! Wow! I'm not sure where his anger is coming from. I know that I have not given any reason in the past seven days for this reaction, but I do know that I have given many reasons in the past five years, ten years, fifteen years, and yes twenty years. Just because I am getting things right today doesn't mean that he will believe it or see it. I know that we are in a bad place right now and I also believe things are going to get tougher before they get better. I just pray that I can take the negativity and anger without lashing back which is honestly in my nature. The funny thing is lashing out isn't in Dusty's nature...are our roles reversed?
The main reason for my emotional day today is that Dusty went to Sacramento early this morning. I have always driven him to the airport. On many occasions it has been a hassle with the kids and their activities but it was always expected of me. So this morning I heard Dusty in the shower and I heard him get ready, I was waiting for him to give me the five minute warning so that I could jump out of bed but it never came. I heard him go downstairs. I called to him and asked him what was going on and what time did we need to leave. To avoid, giving a blow by blow here on this blog the nitty gritty is that he is angry and he brought up horrible things I have said in the past. I still don't know where this anger came from, I can only think that maybe he just doesn't know how to digest the "new" me....... He didn't want to ask me to take him to the airport and went off again. I just let him say his say. I did not defend myself or throw back well you did this or that. I just let him go.. After he finished, I said Dusty you and I both know that you have been cold to me lately and you have been avoiding me like the plague. I don't know why you are doing this only you do. I just want you to know that I'm not going to fight with you. I saw his demeanor physically change....not by leaps and bounds but a little....so he asked me "Do you want to take me to the airport?" I replied, "I'd love too" I chose today to love Dusty and let him vent. I chose to not show irritation. Yes, I am still on the verge of tears but that's okay....God is working on me and through me. Boy this love dare stuff is tough.....
Today's Love Dare is to write positive things and negative things about Dusty on two separate papers and to pick one positive attribute and thank Dusty for having that characteristic. Until then.....

Love Dare Day 6

My love dare for yesterday was to ask Dusty to tell me three things that caused him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. I must not attack him or justify my behavior. This is from his perspective only.
Well, I am really really frustrated!!!! Yesterday I asked him if he could do this exercise for me. I let him know it was for me to learn and I would not say anything negative or attack him in anyway. He gave me the leery eyed Dusty look that says "Yeah, right" I even went as far as to say, he could write it down and not say it face to face. I did tell him that it was very important to me. He said he would do it. That was yesterday early evening....before Jeopardy....Well Jeopardy came and went. The USA Today came and went. A couple of Sudukos and crossword puzzles came and went. A few phones to friends...came and went. Oh yeah, looking on Ebay for useless stuff...yep you guessed it came and went..... Writing notes to friends he hasn't seen in 30 years on facebook.....
At 9:30 last night, I again asked him to please help me out. At 9:45, he went to bed..... I put the Love Dare book on the coffee table with a pen and his cell phone on top so he would not miss it this morning.... Again...completely ignored it. Took Kara out to breakfast... played ping pong in the garage..talked to more friends... I took the kids to see a movie, hoping that when I got back home he would have done it.....Well, I am home and he is not and the book mysteriously ended up in my office closed....
I am trying very hard not to cry in frustration.... This morning in my frustration, I did not have the patience I should have with the kids. Their bickering back in forth got to be very annoying and I shouted at them. Of course, Dusty walked right in, right in the middle of my tirade... I didn't get my way... and I did exactly the opposite of what the Love Dare is teaching. I took it out in negativity....
I am upset that Dusty did not value what I needed and I can't change him, only he and God can do that. The emptiness I feel right at this moment is very overwhelming and I am glad that he isn't here because I know my vile words that I want to say might just come out... The Love Dare says that "Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude"... I wanted Dusty to complete this exercise knowing that his words would hurt...maybe he is afraid to put his true feelings out there because once said they can't be taken back.. I won't know until he lets me know. I can't read minds... I wanted to be more of value to him than Jeopardy, USA Today, Suduko, crossword puzzles, and golf... Today, I believe he just can't do it and I have to accept that.
Again a Love Dare quote : There are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage: 1. Guard the Golden Rule - Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31), 2. No double standards - Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers. 3. Honor requests -Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask. I can't say today was a failure......it was a learning experience. I learned being openly rejected and openly not worthy of time hurts. I am sorry that things have come to this. I pray that the following days will change me....
Today's Love Dare Day 6 is to choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life......I'm guessing the book expected no response from the spouse...what do you think? Until then....

The Love Dare Day 5

My Love Dare for Day 4 was to contact Dusty sometime during the business of the day. Having no agenda other than asking how he was doing and if there was anything I could do for him. This was a difficult day for two reasons. The first is that Dusty was in San Diego on a business trip and he gets in "business mode". I believe he has a difficult time switching to "husband mode" and the second reason this was difficult is that he really is not nice on the phone during the work day. I am not the priority during business hours. I either get an "I'm on a conference call" or "I gotta call you back" and my all time favorite is "What's up?" in a really irritated voice.
Realizing that calling Dusty in the middle of the workday would not be thoughtful to him, I called him in the morning before he left. I got voice mail. So my second attempt to contact him I used email. This is what I sent:

Hey Dusty - How are you? Having fun in San Diego? Tried calling you at 8:00 am when I dropped the kids off. No drama this morning. Very nice.. Nikki was in a good mood and Kara as usual was more concerned with what Nikki was doing instead of herself. No tennis today. The girls both have quizzes or tests tomorrow. Is there anything going on this weekend? Any meal request? Let me know. Love you, K

This is Dusty's response:

Was working out at 8:00. I must have just missed your call because I was back in the room at 8:05. I don’t want the enchilada pie to go to waste so if you and the kids can eat some of I too will have it for dinner Friday night unless it’s gone. I leave Sunday for Sacramento but no plans for Saturday. Have a good day…Dustin Lininger Region Sales Manager

No love letters by any means. But I did reach out and I never reach out unless I need to ask something or I need something. After we get married and the "mate" is won, many of us tend to drift away from focusing on our spouse. We focus on our job, friends, problems, and our personal desires. After a while, we unintentionally begin to ignore each other.
One thing I have a difficult time wrapping my mind around is how men and women think so differently. A man can focus on one thing and forget the world. The minute Jeopardy comes on the world outside ceases to exist to Dusty. A woman on the hand can do twenty things at once and still know where her kids are and what they are doing. The Love Dare books made this comment which puts things into perceptive. Men tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean and women think and speak between the lines and get really ticked off if he doesn't get me. Sometimes, Dusty has no idea why I'm pissed and I have no idea why he just doesn't get it.... Thus the age old complaint from I believe all married couples. I used to think that God was up there just laughing his head off at us. Today, I learned one truism. God designed women to complete their men. "It is not good for man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18) Love requires thoughtfulness on both sides - the kind that can tear down our walls and to love unconditional again. I just love some of The Dare's quotes...especially this one. "The thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness." Wow, I have my work cut out for me. I'm very famous for not filtering my words...

Today's Love Dare Day #5 is Ask Dusty to tell me three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me. I must do so without attacking or justifying my behavior. This is from his perspective. This is going to be a tough one for me. Until then....

The Love Dare Day #4

Be sure to check out the movie trailer for Fireproof down below.

My love dare for yesterday's Love Dare Day #3 was along with restraining myself from voicing any negative comments, I was to buy Dusty something that says, " I was thinking of you today." Well, the buying thing I found to be easy... I take pride in my "professional" shopping abilities. I am the person who starts her Christmas shopping in the summer and Black Friday is the holiday after Thanksgiving...needless to say, I am the girl from the Mervyns' commercial saying "open open" at 5:00 am. So this challenge not so tough...
So the shopping thing I had down. It was the comment Dusty made after the shopping thing that hurt.
Dusty loves the drinks Sobe Lean. Almost every day Dusty would ask me if I had a) been to the market and b) if I bought any Sobes. I hardly ever buy Sobes because I believe they are overpriced drinks at $1.69 a bottle. This challenge took me out of my "cheap zone" and sent me to Two Albertsons and One Ralphs on the pursuit of every single Sobe Lean drink that was on the shelves. It was pretty funny loading up the carts up with bottles after bottles. My kids came with me and we had a great time. When we got home, we placed all the drinks in the garage storage area in anticipation of Dusty's return home from work. All best laid plans sometimes just don't work. After several hours of Dusty being home and still not seeing my accomplishment, I told him I had something to show him. He followed me into the garage..... When he saw what I had done his first reaction was to advise me that the pina colada drinks he did not like and to return them. I was very confused with that comment because he had bought a couple of the drinks this weekend and said how much he liked them. His second comment was "Were they on sale?" in the Dusty tone of voice that I have heard so often in the past 20 years. Basically saying I was overindulgent. Of course, my feelings were hurt and I told him so. I did not yell but I let it be known that while I tried to do something nice he couldn't be appreciative . After that comment, he realized that he was being an ass and backpedalled and said that it was great and how much he loved them...blah blah blah....That was my reaction....I slipped on this dare and turned it around and made it about me...
I need to focus that this love dare is not about changing Dusty because God can only do that. It's about changing me. I will quote from "The Love Dare". You cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. But love "does not seek its own" (1 Corinthians 13:5)
So I learned something today... That being upset was selfish because I turned it around to me. This exercise is not about pleasing me. It's about changing me.
Today's Love Dare #4 is Contact Dusty sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how him how he is doing and if there is anything I could do for him. Until then....

The Love Dare Day #3

My challenge for yesterday's Love Dare Day #2 was to say nothing negative to my spouse and to do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. To be honest, it felt like a normal day. Looking back I am surprised that I had no desire to use negative words. I can't remember feeling irritated. I did notice that Dusty gave several compliments on the dinner and noticed that the house was clean.
I would love to have a real conversation with him. The kind of conversation that I would have with a good friend. The kind of conversations that we have had for most of our marriage. It seems that after 20 years of marriage the words have just run out. I would love for him to take an interest in the activities that I do but then I haven't put much effort is appreciating his interests. I have no doubt that our love for each other is still there. I also have no doubt that the poisonous words of the past have put up many walls that will be hard to tear down. Not just for Dusty but myself as well.
I'm beginning to believe that reflection is a gift that God gives us so that we can learn from what we have done in the past....good and bad... I have found myself reflecting a lot in the past few days. Things that I am proud of and things that I am ashamed of.
The Bible describes a woman whose husband and children talk about her wisdom and kindness. I'm not sure how my husband and children would describe me today.... In the book, The Love Dare it says. It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward...
My act of kindness yesterday was pretty simple. I went to the ATM after dinner to get money for Dusty. He had left his card at home and wasn't able to get money earlier. It was simple but under normal circumstances, I would not think to do that.... Well as Caleb said in Fireproof..."Welcome to the New Normal".

Today's Love Dare Day #3 is Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I've was thinking of you today." Until then

The Love Dare Day #2

My challenge for yesterday's, Love Dare Day #1 was to practice patience and to say nothing negative. I am not a patient person nor do I hold my tongue wisely so as you can imagine yesterday was a challenge for me. Because I was mindful of my words, I was amazed on the amount of times, a negative thought came to mind. I can say the most hurtful things. I remembered a scene in the movie "Fireproof" when the husband character Caleb was telling his friend how he did not feel welcome in his own home and that his wife didn't show any respect. I can relate to that. Many times when Dusty walks through the door I am on instant attack mode.. How dare he come home from work. He doesn't have to say a word, I just attack for no apparent reason and then later pretend that everything is okay. The tension in our home can become so thick that everyone is on high stress alert, my kids and even the dog can feel it.

I realized yesterday that my negative words and lack of patience not only was towards Dusty but also my children. I have decided to extend this love dare to my children as well. They deserve a mom who will love them with kindness at all times. Holding my tongue with my teenager will be a challenge that I am sure most mothers of teenage girls can appreciate.

Yesterday morning was difficult during the morning rush to get to school and work. Usually I would yell at my kids to hurry up and when they did not come running down the stairs one second later, I would threaten them with the loss of a privilege. I hardly ever follow through with my threats and my daughters know that so the yelling never helps. The definition of a crazy person is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.... I am that crazy person. But yesterday, I did hold my tongue and to my amazement the world did not come to a complete stop. Everyone got to their destinations on time too!

Last night on his way home, Dusty called me from his cell to tell me that he was going to the club to workout. I was in the middle of making one of his favorite meals and my first thought was to get angry and to be honest I was irritated but I did not say a word. What a shock for me. I held my tongue from voicing the negative words that were trying to burst through my teeth. I told him to have a good workout and I'll see him when gets home. I could tell from his voice he was confused and probably wondering why I wasn't going off on one of my famous tangents. . So I delayed dinner and in reality it wasn't a big deal. Holding my tongue and letting it go wasn't so bad. Dusty came home, we ate dinner, and the evening was pretty pleasant.

Today's Love Dare is: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. Until then....

The Love Dare Day #1

I am starting "The Love Dare" today. This is a book that was used in the movie "Fireproof". If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend that you do. It focuses on learning how to love your spouse the way God intended us too. You will see video clips from the movie at the bottom of my blog during my "Love Dare".
I'm not doing this dare because I am on the verge of divorce. I am doing this dare to better understand Dusty (my husband) and to practice the concept of unconditional love. I've been married for 20 years and we have never been consistently happy or consistently in love. I have recently learned that love is a decision you make. Not so much the emotion you feel. Better put, the "love" feeling you get in the beginning of a relationship only lasts maybe two years. But if you make the decision to love then it can and will last a life time.
The "The Love Dare" is for FORTY days. In the bible many of the major events lasted FORTY days. Moses was in the Mount to receive the Ten Commandments for 40 days. Jesus was tempted by Satan for 40 days, and after Jesus resurrected He spent 40 days telling His disciples about the Kingdom of God. There are many more "FORTY DAY" stories but I'm sure you get the point.
So today, my dare is: Today resolve to demonstrate patience and to say NOTHING negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
That's it. Tomorrow I will let you know how it went. Hmmm, I pretty sure sarcasm would be construed as negative.... I have my work cut out for me..

I Don't Care All Your Friends Have a Cellphone!

My 13 old daughter is convinced I am The World's Meanest Mom because I refuse to get her a cell phone. It has become such a sore subject that the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention every time the word "cell" comes up. Today, we were having lunch with my mom who innocently said that Nikki (my daughter) could have her old cell phone. Of course the bionic eared one heard that and quickly launched into attack mode saying ALL her friends had one. I don't understand why she would want a cell phone. She is never on the phone at home. Then I get the eye roll. No one really talks on their phone they text each other.
Now I have a HUGE problem with texting. I can't even go to the movies without some jerk kid sitting behind me texting their friend who is sitting in front of me. Last weekend, my husband and I went to see "The Uninvited" and we missed much of this awful movie because a bunch of 13 year old girls were sitting behind us texting their friends.
Whatever happened to getting together with your friends and just hanging out and using real words like "I'll be right back" instead of punching in "brb" on your cell. Or this is a good one.... How about Laughing Out Loud for real.. and everyone hears it...instead of "LOL".
Well, I guess I am the World's Meanest Mom. I just don't buy into getting my kid a cell as a toy. When she gets her driver's license......now that's another story... Well bye for now. or in text lingo....bbl....